12:35 a.m.
I yawned and, looking a little sickly, shuffled over to the sofa. Leaning on the armrest, I closed my eyes for a short moment.
“Su Liumeng,” I called out weakly toward the other side of the living room.
“Coming, coming! I’ve been here the whole time.” Su Liumeng walked over quickly.
As soon as she got close, I whined and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Su Liumeng, I’m so tired. I don’t want to go to school…”
Who knew cultivating would be this exhausting?
As expected, there’s no such thing as becoming stronger without hardship in this world.
If cultivation were that easy, everyone would be a peak-level powerhouse. Just thinking about it, you know that’s impossible.
It’s not that I can’t endure hardship—it’s just that everyone has different limits.
“If you don’t want to go to class, then don’t. What’s the big deal? Your mood matters most. If it comes to it, we can just go back next year.” Su Liumeng gently patted my back as she spoke—then suddenly paused and asked in surprise, “Huh? You already have a technique you can cultivate?”
“Yeah,” I admitted honestly. It wasn’t something I could hide from her anyway. “I practiced for two or three hours this morning. All I feel now is… I’m so tired…”
“Cultivation really isn’t all that easy,” she said, frowning slightly. “Don’t overwork yourself. Keeping a healthy mental state actually helps more with improving your level.”
She narrowed her eyes and stared at my hair, though I knew her real focus was on observing my external energy. “This isn’t a traditional cultivation method. Why are you absorbing yin energy instead of internal energy?”
I hesitated for a second before gently pulling away from her embrace. “It’s a yin-based cultivation method. It feels more compatible with my physique and the progress comes much easier.”
Su Liumeng still looked worried. To reassure her, I added, “Don’t worry, the technique was given to me by a super powerful expert—she revised it several times before passing it on. She’d never harm me.”
I even raised two fingers in a solemn little vow. “I swear.”
Su Liumeng looked at me, full of words she wanted to say—yet suddenly swallowed them all. “Okay… If anything seems off, tell me immediately. I’ll help you find a solution.”
If Xinxin didn’t want to say something, she must have her reasons. And when the time came, she’d definitely tell me right away.
Ever since coming to understand Sixinian’s quiet gentleness, Su Liumeng’s mood had been very good. Within a single second, she had assigned a reasonable explanation to my behavior. She no longer felt insecure or jealous over nothing.
…Hm?
From the couch, I peeked up at Su Liumeng.
Seeing that she really didn’t look the least bit jealous, I suddenly felt… a little off-balance.
Could it be…
Has our level of trust and relationship… taken a step forward?
October 10th.
My lower belly was already starting to show a slight bump — visible unless I wore very loose clothing.
Fortunately, my figure had always been slender, and since I hadn’t been visibly pregnant for long, I could still barely conceal it. Otherwise, going out would’ve been a real hassle.
Just one more day.
Su Liumeng accompanied me to the hospital for a comprehensive check-up — bloodwork, genetic screening, and so on. I didn’t remember all the details clearly.
Mostly because being with her made me feel so at ease that I just let myself become a carefree freeloader, following her dizzily from one department to another without having to think.
After completing the important task of setting up the prenatal file, I was the happiest person in the world.
That meant once the baby was born, I could register them without any issues.
Speaking of the baby, my mood sank a little. I gently rubbed my belly with my hand. Ever since Si Zhiruo fell into a deep sleep, I felt like the baby’s development had sped up a little. Even the doctors said that for just twelve weeks, the baby’s growth was equivalent to that of a thirteen-week fetus — very healthy.
The hospital gave me an estimated due date and told me to go home and rest quietly to nourish the pregnancy. I’d have to return regularly for checkups. Of course, they didn’t offer the due date right away — I had to keep asking. After all, it wasn’t even the 20-week mark yet.
As a mother, witnessing the process of new life growing inside me was something deeply joyful — but it was also physically and mentally exhausting. So many side effects of pregnancy were disrupting my daily life. No wonder other women often have someone by their side throughout the whole process.
At times like these, I really wished I had the kind of female lead physique from trashy novels — the kind where you suddenly give birth alone in the school bathroom before even realizing you were pregnant. That would be a dream come true — if only it weren’t so ridiculous.
Whenever I got like this, Su Liumeng would comfort me. Little by little, I’d gotten used to relying on her.
Before we left the hospital, the doctor reminded me not to overeat. First pregnancies are usually the most difficult.
I’d already discussed with the doctor that I planned to give birth naturally. If I ate too much and the baby got too big, it could lead to complications or hemorrhaging.
The reason I chose natural birth was because Su Liumeng told me yesterday that C-sections drain your energy and vitality — like undergoing a major surgery. You wouldn’t recover for a long time.
And the more I thought about it, the more I agreed. Cutting open your belly like that might even affect the foundation of my cultivation in the future.
I’d read somewhere in a random notebook that people born with innate constitutions have a type of “primordial energy.” Once it’s damaged by serious injury, that energy can leak away.
When I explained this to Su Liumeng, her expression was a mix of amusement and helplessness. She told me to stop reading weird stuff when I was bored — the vitality loss was real, but not in that kind of mystical sense.
If I was truly bored, she said, I could try playing with the brain-training puzzles we’d gotten for the baby.
*****
The sun was setting.
Outside the hospital, I slowly turned my head to gaze at the girl beside me.
Bathed in golden sunlight, her delicate features revealed a trace of boldness, giving her sweet and adorable face a surprising contrast that was somewhat shocking.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her… my primordial yin was still intact.
If I gave birth naturally… wouldn’t it hurt more than anything else?
What should I do?
I secretly lowered my slightly flushed face, trying to suppress the crazy idea of just offering myself up willingly.
No!!
What the hell am I even thinking?
Si Xinyan, why are you such a hopeless romantic?
Just because someone took care of you for a month or two, you’re ready to throw everything away?
And besides, I still have a baby now. I absolutely cannot do that kind of thing.
This is the last bottom line in my heart.
I must not cross it.
*****
October 15th.
I hadn’t gone to class in quite a while.
As my belly got bigger and bigger day by day, I stayed home most of the time. I didn’t have much energy to go out for walks anymore either.
It was always Su Liumeng, tirelessly dragging me out of the house, saying that getting some fresh air would be good for my health and prevent my weight from going up too much.
At night, I stared at the electronic scale.
I really didn’t want to step on it anymore.
After much hesitation, I finally moved my somewhat swollen feet onto the scale.
The cool touch spread from the soles of my feet, and the blinking numbers slowly stabilized.
I pursed my lips, staring at the increased number, not quite sure how to feel.
I’d gained weight again.
Was it because I had gotten fatter? Or… was it because the baby was growing well?
My emotions were a mess — just like the weight gain itself, probably caused by both reasons. A mix of happiness, and a tiny hint of frustration.
I officially broke 93 jin.
I never thought it would be like this.
Back when I was still a boy, because I wasn’t that tall, my weight was always just barely over 90 jin.
After becoming a girl, it dropped down to just over 80 jin.
Now, I stared at those small numbers on the display, my hand at my side quietly tightening into a fist.
A lot of people probably have similar worries.
Fearing that after giving birth, their weight might never go back down.
Some people change drastically before and after pregnancy. A girl who used to have a youthful, girlish charm could suddenly look like a complete auntie.
I’ve already fully accepted my current identity — so of course, I don’t want to turn into a plump old lady at just eighteen years old.
Ninety-something jin isn’t really fat. But what if I kept gaining — hit 110, or even 120 jin?
That would be terrifying.
Just thinking about going out with my baby and getting called “Auntie Si” by passersby made my mood instantly—
*****
October 20th.
At the dinner table.
I was eating with great enthusiasm, almost like I was trying to eat away my sorrow. As Su Liumeng looked at me with hesitation in her eyes, I was still locked in battle with the old hen stew in front of me. Seeing me reach out my little paw again, Su Liumeng suddenly grabbed my arm.
“Baby, don’t you think you’ve gained a lot of weight lately?”
“Didn’t you tell me just two days ago that you were going to start controlling your diet because you didn’t want to get too fat?”
I hung my head in defeat, my voice laced with a trace of sobbing and breakdown. I looked like I had completely given up on myself.
“I… I know. But I feel so sad inside, and whenever I get sad, I just want to eat. What else can I do?”
I had tried. I really had. But every night when I crawled into bed and stared up at the cold ceiling, I always felt the urge to curl up and cry.
My increasingly heavy body made it harder and harder to sleep. I’d toss and turn all night. If even rest became difficult, how could my mood ever improve? It was a vicious cycle I couldn’t escape from.
Hearing the despair in my voice made Su Liumeng feel awful too. Her heart gave a sudden jolt.
Could this… be prenatal depression?
She’d interviewed a lot of people in the past, and this situation wasn’t uncommon. Some women lost their appetite entirely during pregnancy because of depression. Others couldn’t stop eating, and their weight just kept climbing.
I sniffled, then dove into Su Liumeng’s arms like a baby bird returning to its nest, my voice full of grievance.
“Are you starting to hate me because I’m turning into a big, fat Duffy pig?”
“No, never,” she said at once. “No matter what you turn into, I’ll always love you.”
Su Liumeng had no idea how to deal with prenatal depression. All she could think was that maybe I felt too alone. “Why don’t you move in and sleep with me at night? That way I can take care of you better.”
I had been crying into her arms just moments ago, but as soon as I heard that, I lifted my head.
“No.”
Why did that sound so familiar? When she first said I should move into the villa, it was “to take better care of me.” Now she was saying I should move into her bedroom, and it was also for convenience?
It wasn’t that I was afraid of Su Liumeng doing anything to me.
I was afraid… I’d get too clingy.
No matter what, I couldn’t let anything happen to the baby.
Su Liumeng could hear the stubbornness in my voice, and let out a quiet sigh in her heart.
When she thought about how two months had already flown by and how little time was left… a flicker of pain appeared in her eyes.
“Xinxin,” she said, “I’ll be leaving for a while soon. At most a month. After that, I’ll come right back to you.”
“Can you handle that?”
My little face went pale in an instant.
“Wh-why are you telling me this?”
“Who cares where you’re going?”
I turned my head sharply, my voice suddenly loud.
“Go wherever you want. I don’t care.”
“I’m already a grown adult. Do you think I can’t take care of myself?”
I stood up. “I’m going back to my room.”
But before I could even reach the door, I was pulled into an embrace from behind.
A warm current of air wrapped around me completely. Su Liumeng’s voice trembled as she spoke.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, but I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle it, that it would make you overthink… so I kept—”
I was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly cut her off. “Is it the Su family?”
“…Yes,” Su Liumeng answered softly.
“Then go.” Still in her embrace, I slowly turned around and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Everyone has things they have to do. I can’t trap you for life just because I’m being selfish.”
My tone was serious, a far cry from my earlier willful, spoiled demeanor.
“Aren’t you a dragon? How can a dragon soar if it’s caged in a tiny corner of the sky?”
“Go.”
I smiled gently and reached up with my small hand, slowly wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes.
This time, when we embraced again, it was followed by an even more passionate and turbulent kiss.
I let my emotions pour out freely. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, the taste of bitterness had already reached my lips.
That faint smile still hanging on my face… no matter how you looked at it, it just didn’t belong.
Maybe… I’m not as indifferent as I pretend to be.