(1)
The rain poured, and the night was dim.
Although it was only four o’clock, it felt as if it was already time for the news to begin.
A faint smell of traditional Chinese medicine filled the room.
Her second sister, Yu Mingfei, leaned against the sofa, sleeping crookedly.
The TV wasn’t playing a program, but rather shopping advertisements.
The noisy sounds, to her at this moment, were as soothing as a lullaby.
“Not four or five thousand, not two or three thousand, not even over a thousand, just 998, and this ultra-portable netbook is yours! Order now and receive a free matching cell phone!”
“Permanent free internet, work anytime, anywhere, keep three QQ accounts online simultaneously, and even open webpages to harvest vegetables, trade stocks…”
“Xiao Jing, the medicine is ready, come and drink it while it’s hot.”
Yu Minghui’s voice rang from the kitchen.
An Jing, who had been sitting at the table in a daze, scratched her head and slowly walked into the kitchen.
She had already poured the medicine into a small enamel cup with a worker’s design and the words “Long Live the Great Unity of the World’s People.”
The small kitchen was meticulously organized, everything clean and tidy.
Two plastic-cased thermos bottles sat on the windowsill, with two old cork stoppers that had been replaced today beside them.
The lidded clay pot made a “gurgling” sound, and a rich, fresh aroma filled the small space.
“It smells so good, what is it?”
An Jing held up the warm cup and looked at Yu Minghui, who was warming herself in the kitchen, asking.
“This is mushroom stew,” the elder sister shifted her gaze from the novel in her hands to An Jing’s small face.
“Oh, by the way, there’s a small piece of cream cake on the table; go eat that—but only after you’ve had your medicine.”
“Oh, oh, how long until dinner?”
“Hmm, about another hour? The bones will taste better if they’re stewed until they’re very tender.”
“Really…”
“Why did you suddenly become upset on the way back?”
“Huh? No, not really…”
“Your sadness is written all over your face, you know?”
Yu Minghui smiled and patted An Jing’s small head.
“Why don’t you go play some games?”
An Jing had thought her sister would ask her why she was unhappy, and she had considered telling her about the troubles of becoming a girl.
Now, she swallowed the words back.
Her sister was right.
Who cares!
She’d play some games first.
In winter, this old computer actually ran much smoother.
It used to freeze or crash some software occasionally, but today, it had no problems at all.
On the big-headed monitor, An Jing was changing the main panel skin of her QQ.
There were various skins available for download online.
Some required manual placement in a folder, while others could be installed with just one click.
Some skins even added an outer shell to the main panel, making it look quite bulky but incredibly cool.
A fifteen-year-old boy had no resistance to such things.
“So this is what Zhu Ying likes… non-mainstream…”
An Jing mumbled, changing her skin to a new one that featured a picture of Shan Ji from “Young and Dangerous” with a drawn black wing behind him.
Next to it was a line of colorful, fluorescent “Martian script” (unique, stylized Chinese characters), making it feel exceptionally unique.
(Literal: I am Shan Ji, chicken dick’s chicken. – A playful, rebellious phrase)
Changing the new panel skin gave An Jing an urge to completely revamp her QQ.
It was like saying goodbye to the past and welcoming a new life.
She acted on it immediately, changing her nickname to Wild Joy and her QQ signature from The Three Kingdoms Period at the End of the Eastern Han Dynasty to The past was once a legend that lingered unforgotten, and then we ourselves forgot it inadvertently.
The alias names in her friend list also needed changing. From the original proper names like “Classmate,” “Anime,” “Game,” they were changed to “Martian script” full of symbols, as if flapping wings.
She looked at this friend list, filled with melancholy and sadness, but for some reason, her mood lightened.
Just as she was hesitating whether to change her avatar to match the style, the QQ icon in the bottom right corner suddenly flashed.
It was Zhu Ying’s reply.
Her previous message was An Jing’s “It’s nothing, just a fever.”
“I saw your sister today, so cute.”
Along with it, she sent a photo of herself holding the sticker photos and taking a picture in the mirror.
“Ah, wow.”
“She said she doesn’t have QQ. Do you want to help her register one?”
An Jing, who had intended to refuse, had her raised hand suspended in mid-air just as she was about to press Enter.
It was an irresistible temptation.
Being able to chat with Zhu Ying on QQ every day felt as happy as receiving a school notification that classes were canceled due to heavy snow, just when you were struggling to get out of your warm bed in winter.
Should she resist her identity as a girl, or use it to gain some… happiness?
“Could it be that she usually uses the same QQ as you?”
The second message arrived, and An Jing’s hand was already out of her control.
“Sometimes…”
“Then let me guess, the one using QQ right now is actually your sister, right?”
An Jing licked her dry lips and sent a mischievous, tongue-out smiling emoji.
She picked up her cup and took a sip, wanting to quench her thirst, but the brown liquid tasted bitter, as if poured over her heart.
She hurriedly scooped a small piece of cake into her mouth with a tiny spoon.
A rich sweetness filled her mouth, but the bitterness of the traditional Chinese medicine didn’t dissipate; instead, they intertwined, like eating a bitter, slightly sour chocolate with just a hint of sweetness.
“Hehe.”
An Jing bit her lip and sent these two words representing happiness.
“Your brother should be lying in bed, right?”
“Yeah.”
If it was just typing, An Jing felt she could imitate a girl quite well.
“Want to play games with me?”
“Play what?”
“How about Audition?”
“Never played it…”
“I can teach you.”
“But… I haven’t downloaded it yet.”
An Jing still had some hesitation in her heart, but she had already opened the official website for Audition.
“Does your brother’s computer have QQ Speed? We can play that too.”
An Jing, of course, had this game.
2009 was the golden age of QQ Games.
Or rather, because it copied so many games, it encompassed every type of game.
There was no need to register multiple accounts; just one QQ account was enough to play them all.
Even if the gameplay and graphics might be inferior, the advantage was that many people played together.
An Jing’s gaze swept across QQ Tang, QQ Sanguo, QQ Fantasy, CF, DNF, finally resting on the QQ Speed icon.
“I have it.”
“Want to play? I’ll invite you.”
As soon as An Jing came online, she received a friend request.
Clicking it open, it was indeed from Zhu Ying.
No sooner had she accepted the request than Zhu Ying pulled her into a locked private room.
Even though it was just a virtual online game, this private room, where only the two of them played, made An Jing’s heart pound.
It was like Zhu Ying had taken her to a KTV and opened a private room just for them…
Her body felt a bit hot, and her palms trembled slightly from the cold.
Was this… could this be considered a date?
Originally, to pretend to be a novice, An Jing had been thinking about how to operate in a way that looked convincing.
But now, there was no need to pretend; she even felt that she was clumsy just pressing the directional keys…
This was a very colorful map, with background music carrying a hint of romance.
After a three-second countdown, Zhu Ying, controlling her dressed-up character, drove an A-class car and sped off.
An Jing, who only had a few free outfits and was driving a small, shabby car, stiffly followed behind.
No matter how slowly An Jing drove or how many times she crashed, she could always see Zhu Ying’s back.
It was like a chase across an open field, making her heart itch with an irresistible desire.
It was like a carousel at an amusement park, her smile seemingly within reach under the sweet music.
It was like when they took sticker photos, where it felt like she was just a hair’s breadth away from feeling the softness of Zhu Ying’s cheek…
The same map, lap after lap, game after game.
In the password-protected room, no one else could enter besides them.
“Xiao Jing, time to eat!”
“I have to go eat.”
This time, An Jing didn’t click “ready” again. Instead, she silently typed these words.
“Bye bye!”
Zhu Ying didn’t seem suspicious of “An Yin,” who had never played QQ Speed but could smoothly complete the entire race and frequently use drifts and accelerations.
An Jing closed the game interface and stood up from the computer.
In that instant, her whole body felt a sudden trance.
Returning from the virtual world to reality, an unprovoked emptiness tightly clutched at her heart.
Could she continue to pretend to be her sister like this?
Even if she could, it would only bring brief happiness.
How much she wished, how much she wished to approach her as a boy, to be so close to her as a boy, to… be with her as a boy.
But if she never changed back, then there wouldn’t even be a sliver of a fleeting possibility.
She clenched her hands, and hot tears “plop” fell onto the back of her hand.
“I… I don’t want to be a girl, I want to be a dignified man…”
“Xiao Jing—come eat, it’ll get cold!”
“Feifei, Feifei—wake up, quickly, wake up!”
An Jing raised her hand and forcefully wiped away the tears from her face.
Her gaze fell on the pirated Ultraman transformation device on the desk.
The boy suddenly curved his lips, laughing easily, and hummed the melody that had always been etched in his heart.
“What to do if I’m afraid of the darkness, what to do if I’m afraid of that guy…”
“If I don’t take this step, I’ll never move forward.”
“A man—should become strong for the sake of others!”
A dignified man isn’t defined by what he looks like, but by his unwavering spirit.
—Next time, tell Zhu Ying the truth face to face.
An Jing thought.
Oh wow. I’m surprised she’s just gonna outright tell the truth.