Jiang Lai’s fingertip was wrapped in the warmth of Xu Ruobing’s palm. That warmth was not like Chi Yingyu’s usual warmth, but carried a slight coolness, yet unexpectedly made one feel calm.
She lowered her eyes and saw their clasped hands, and couldn’t help but open her mouth:
“I…”
But as soon as she made a sound, it was as if a soft ball of cotton was stuck in her throat, and even her voice became light and airy: “I seem to not need to think about these things.”
“No, what do you mean you don’t need to think about these things? You should think about these things. You should have things you like, you should have things you want to do, instead of being coerced into doing what you think is right, but not what you want to do.”
Xu Ruobing’s words were like fine needles, slowly weaving into a soft net. What she said was all fact, and it was precisely this fact that trapped her inside.
Actually, facing such facts, Jiang Lai was still quite happy. Even though this situation was completely wrong in Xu Ruobing’s view, she never felt upset; instead, she felt this was right. As long as the people around her were happy, whether her own thoughts existed or not seemed truly unimportant.
As long as other people were happy, she would genuinely feel happy just watching them.
Xu Ruobing tightened her grip on her hand, her fingertip gently brushing over her slightly cool knuckles, as if soothing a lost little animal.
“Jiang Lai, you really should sometimes think about what you want and what you like. You are an independent person, not some appendage attached to others. You have your own joys and sorrows, and you have what you should like.”
Jiang Lai looked up at her, the confusion in her eyes fading a bit, replaced by a touch of fragmented doubt: “But it’s really not that important, I—I am living quite happily now.”
“Ying Yu likes gray and light blue, you can put these into the decorations, but what about you? What color do you like? You can add that in too, right?”
“Color…”
Jiang Lai’s fingertip moved slightly, and suddenly a scene flashed in her mind: it was a red off-the-shoulder top, which Shen Ruxue had once worn to show her during a date.
“I…” Her voice carried a hesitation she herself didn’t notice, “As for color, I like red, because it’s really eye-catching, and sometimes it really attracts all my attention.”
Xu Ruobing’s eyes lit up, and she gently shook the hand she was holding: “Then why not put it into the wedding? Since you like red, then put it in, because this is also your wedding, and you are also the protagonist of the wedding.”
Red—this color that she had pressed deep into her memory, when lightly mentioned by Xu Ruobing, suddenly unfolded like a crumpled candy wrapper, revealing the fragmented sweetness wrapped inside.
She lowered her eyes and saw on the back of her clasped hand that Xu Ruobing’s knuckles were slightly pale. That faint coolness transmitted through her skin, unexpectedly reminding her of the first time she saw Shen Ruxue wearing a red dress.
“But… if red is put together with gray and light blue, won’t it be too strange?” Her voice was still soft, carrying a slight uncertain tremble, “Ying Yu likes plain colors. If the red is too eye-catching, will she feel uncomfortable?”
As soon as she finished speaking, she unconsciously tightened her grip on Xu Ruobing’s hand, as if afraid she had said something “wrong” again. Moreover, although this color was her favorite, it was after all related to Shen Ruxue. To directly involve Chi Yingyu like that was definitely not a good thing.
A bit of bitterness surged up in her heart again, but she still smiled patiently.
Xu Ruobing watched the light that had just emerged from under her eyes about to dim again. How could she blame her? Only by adding the things you like does it feel like a wedding for the two of you.
Xu Ruobing didn’t immediately respond. She just let go of the clasped hand, and instead gently wrapped her arm around Jiang Lai’s shoulder, pulling her slightly closer to herself.
“I’m not asking for anything in return. Just enjoy my affection, isn’t that enough?”
She lowered her head, her voice pressed even lower, almost against Jiang Lai’s ear, carrying a soft, coaxing tone.
“Why are you so good? Thinking so much about me, always thinking of me.”
Jiang Lai’s head gently rested on Xu Ruobing’s shoulder. The faint scent of perfume lingered at her nose tip, and the awkwardness in her heart slowly dissipated a little, but by now she felt a great deal of guilt toward Xu Ruobing.
Jiang Lai’s fingertip unconsciously picked at the hem of Xu Ruobing’s coat. The fabric fibers caught on her fingernails, like the tangled guilt in her heart. The pressure of her head against the other’s shoulder slightly eased, and even her breath carried a stuffy softness.
“But you being like this… I—I always feel I owe you so much.”
Her voice was pressed very light, as if afraid of disturbing something: “You clearly have your own things to be busy with, yet you always spend time accompanying me to think about wedding details, and always thinking about helping me find things I like… But what I can give you, seems like nothing.”
Warm breath fell on the side of Xu Ruobing’s neck, carrying a helpless tremble, and her nose tip suddenly felt a little sour.
“Ruobing…”
She slowly raised her head, her eyes rimmed with a pale red, her eyelashes holding a bit of moisture that hadn’t fallen: “Am I too selfish? Always making you worry about me, yet I haven’t even properly given you a chance to say what you like or want.”
Xu Ruobing looked at her appearance of being about to cry, and the bitterness in her heart was suddenly kneaded into softness.
“Jiang Lai, why are you so silly, saying you’re selfish? I’m willing to spend time on you because I want to, not to make you feel indebted to me. With me, you can be yourself.”
She raised her hand, her fingertip gently wiping the wet trace under the eyes, her tone carrying a helpless gentleness.
She paused, her fingertip gently pinching Jiang Lai’s reddened earlobe.
“I now feel that being able to properly accompany you is already good enough. As for what I want… once you’ve sorted out the wedding matters, it won’t be too late to ask slowly. For now, put aside that little thought of ‘owing me’ in your heart, okay? Seeing you happily say what you like, that’s what’s most important.”
But Jiang Lai’s guilt was not so easily dispelled.
Her hand gripping Xu Ruobing’s hem tightened, and tears still couldn’t be held back, falling onto the other’s coat, spreading into a small pale mark.
“But I know you’re a little jealous right now, yet I still talk to you about these things. Am I bad for being like this?”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she couldn’t help but turn her face away, afraid of letting Xu Ruobing see her reddened eyes.
“Not bad at all. If anyone is bad, it should be me. I’m much, much better than you. Jiang Lai, you need to get this straight: right now I’m the one clinging to you desperately, I’m the shameless one. I’m the shameless mistress. What are you agonizing over here?”