The girl asked full of expectation, but an inexplicable bitterness suddenly spread through her heart. Xu Ruobing’s fingertips still rested on Jiang Lai’s soft cheek. Listening to the girl’s voice, she gently rubbed the cold wall of the Thermal Lunchbox, as if soothing her own messy heart, giving herself something to do.
“Let’s not rush to contact them yet. First tell me your thoughts. For example, the venue—do you like outdoor grass, or an indoor Banquet Hall with floor-to-ceiling windows?”
She withdrew her hand, picked up the Thermal Lunchbox on the table again, and made her voice softer.
Hearing this, Jiang Lai’s eyes lit up at first, but dimmed again after only two seconds. She twisted her fingers around the hem of her clothes and thought seriously.
“Wouldn’t it be too cold outdoors? Ying Yu gets cold hands and feet easily in winter. If the wind is strong, she’ll definitely be freezing and uncomfortable. Indoor is better—warmer. It’d be best if there are big windows where we can see the trees outside. But it’s winter now… the scenery outside isn’t pretty. I’m worried Ying Yu won’t like it. When the time comes, we’ll definitely have to choose a place with a better environment…”
“As for specific things, I know what Ying Yu likes, but it seems she likes everything I give her, and she’s happy with all of it. Looking at it that way, actually I don’t know what Ying Yu likes most. Maybe it’s only because it’s something I gave her…”
Jiang Lai sometimes felt she was really too dull. They had clearly lived together for over ten years, yet when it truly came time to rely on understanding, she found she knew so little. Was what she thought she liked really what Chi Yingyu could like?
“Once I figure out what Ying Yu likes most, I should have a rough idea…”
She had originally thought Jiang Lai would at least mention a style she liked first, even if it was just casually saying something she thought. But from beginning to end, Jiang Lai’s focus revolved around Chi Yingyu, like a planet forever orbiting a star, forgetting even to let her own light shine.
Xu Ruobing’s hand tightened around the Thermal Lunchbox. The edge of the lid pressed into her abdomen, causing a faint ache. For no reason, there was a bit of jealousy.
Jiang Lai seemed to no longer care at all about her own thoughts. She loved someone to the point of forgetting herself.
“So, have you thought of anything?”
Xu Ruobing suppressed that strange feeling in her heart, smiled and nodded, then asked again:
“What about the color? What main color do you want for the Wedding? Light pink, off-white, or a color you like?”
“Ying Yu’s favorite color is gray, and blue tones come second.”
Jiang Lai answered a little faster this time, and light returned to her eyes, but the next second she added:
“But that kind of Wedding venue is also hard to decorate, and we can’t use blue that’s too bright. Ying Yu says colors that are too eye-catching make her dizzy. A lighter, softer shade is fine. That’s another problem.”
Xu Ruobing picked up the water cup on the table and took a sip of cold water. The icy liquid slid down her throat and only then suppressed the stifling feeling that kept rising.
She watched Jiang Lai earnestly recalling and telling her things, yet Jiang Lai had not mentioned her own name even once. The cup of water in her hand truly tasted somewhat bland and flavorless.
“Besides these, is there anything you especially want to add yourself?”
Xu Ruobing put down the water cup, a hint of imperceptible stubbornness in her voice.
“For example, things you like, or a song you’ve always wanted to play, even if it’s just a bouquet of flowers you like.”
Jiang Lai paused. She looked up at Xu Ruobing, her eyes full of bewilderment, as if she had never thought about this question.
After a long while, she slowly lowered her head, her fingertips lightly tracing the edge of the notebook.
“I… I don’t really want anything special. As long as Ying Yu thinks it’s good, I think it’s good.”
“Jiang Lai.”
Xu Ruobing’s voice deepened a little. She leaned forward slightly, her gaze fixed tightly on Jiang Lai’s face.
“A Wedding is a matter between two people, not just Chi Yingyu’s. You are the protagonist too. Your thoughts matter as well.”
Jiang Lai was startled by her suddenly serious tone. Her fingers curled unconsciously, like a frightened little rabbit. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but in the end only managed:
“This is Ying Yu’s first Wedding, and it will be her only one in the future. I want to leave her with no regrets, so that when she looks back many years later, she’ll still feel very happy, so happy.”
Just like when she married Xiaoxue back then…
That time when she married Xiaoxue was the same. What Jiang Lai thought then was almost exactly the same as now: as long as Xiaoxue could be happy, as long as Xiaoxue liked it a little more, she would like any kind of Wedding.
From beginning to end, she had never considered what she herself liked. She only felt that as long as the person she loved was happy, that was enough. That was also her most important thing, and it was only natural, something that should be that way, right?
But in this situation where everyone thought it was only natural, where Jiang Lai thought there was no problem at all, Xu Ruobing felt it was not right at all.
What about Jiang Lai’s thoughts?
“I know she treats you well.”
Xu Ruobing’s tone softened, but the bitterness in her heart grew stronger.
“But you can’t hide all your own thoughts just because she treats you well. What you like and dislike—don’t those deserve to be cared about?”
Jiang Lai lowered her head. Her long eyelashes drooped, casting a small shadow beneath her eyes.
Her current silence was not because she had suddenly become sad. She just felt that Xu Ruobing’s tone was a little off, and wondered if she had said something wrong again. She was a bit afraid to speak.
At this moment, the Office was frighteningly quiet. Only the occasional sound of wind from the air conditioner’s vent could be heard.
After a long while, she said in a small voice:
“I… as long as she likes it, that’s fine, right? Is there something wrong with that?”
Xu Ruobing looked at her aggrieved and bewildered expression, and her heart felt as if something had fiercely twisted it.
Xu Ruobing looked at the small shadow beneath Jiang Lai’s eyes, like a butterfly’s wing resting there. Even the trailing tone of her speech trembled lightly. The gripping pain in her heart suddenly spread, heavier and denser than the bitterness from before.
The back she had originally held taut slowly relaxed. Her body, which had leaned forward, quietly drew back. Her knuckles lightly tapped the tabletop, and her voice became gentler than before, as if afraid of startling something fragile apart.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not wrong for you to think that way. I just think you should think about yourself too. This is a Wedding for the two of you. If you only think about the other person’s wishes, wouldn’t that be unfair to you?”
Xu Ruobing gently took Jiang Lai’s hand.
“Jiang Lai… what about your thoughts? How long has it been since you thought about what you like, or whether there’s something you want to do in your heart?”
In Xu Ruobing’s eyes, it seemed that everything Jiang Lai did was for others. The only time she acted truly for herself, truly according to her own thoughts, was the night they first met, when Jiang Lai followed her own heart and wanted to be with her…