(1)
Under the straight-cut bangs, as neat as a doll’s, was a small, fair, and delicate face. Those almond-shaped eyes, black as pearls, were the most captivating feature of her entire face.
But at that moment, tears welled up in her eyes. The long lashes carried a few glistening droplets, yet she stubbornly held them back, refusing to let them fall.
This pitiful appearance did not soften Zhou Chao in the slightest. Instead, he felt a sense of satisfaction, as if he had finally gotten his revenge. He thought to himself:
‘Maybe I should have done this when I was thirteen. Before that woman could say she wanted to break up, I should have dumped her first, then watched her incredulous expression, watched her painful and hypocritical tears spill out.’
The feeling was so exhilarating that his legs trembled slightly, like a man who had been abstinent for three years finally releasing everything.
Xu Xia bit her lip. Several times she seemed about to say something, but no sound came out. She sobbed silently, her eyes flickering in constant change, as if performing a silent play.
Zhou Chao, as if not satisfied enough, picked up the documents in his hand and read aloud the true thoughts of Xu Xia’s ex-boyfriends:
“She always pretends so convincingly, as if the whole world is hurting her and only she is innocent. I want to tear her face off and eat her flesh raw.”
“If you think she’s a fragile girl, you’re dead wrong. She’s the primal evil in human nature. She enjoys destroying others’ lives. She used me as a tool, then kicked me away when she didn’t want me anymore, sending me into a free fall.”
“I’ll repeat a year, get into a better school, live a better life. Only then will it be the best revenge on her.”
“She’s a bitch, a used-up shoe.”
“Stop… stop reading!!”
“Can’t take it anymore, huh? Heh…” Zhou Chao threw the documents into the air, stuffed one hand into his pocket, and slowly turned around, “Then enjoy the pain.”
“It’s completely, totally not what they said!!”
“Then what is it? Heh, is it that everyone else is bad, too controlling over you?”
“Everyone… everyone has…” Xu Xia wiped her cheeks with trembling hands, “Everyone has good and bad parts. I never, never deliberately slandered them. Those… those rumors were all spread by other girls… And many of them… in the end, they just grew tired of me and became colder… why, why do they blame me instead…”
“Heh.” Zhou Chao didn’t turn around, but he heard the sobbing in her voice, “Crocodile tears, that’s all.”
“I always… always…” Xu Xia swallowed her tears and saliva together, making her voice muffled, “I was sincere… sincerely liked… sincerely liked you… I… I thought you were different from the others… You were so gentle, always willing to patiently listen to my most boring life stories… always gently touching me… so gentle, so gentle… I was so afraid you’d leave… so I thought, thought I’d give you my body, then you would… would be more willing to be with me… although, although my body might not be worth much…”
Zhou Chao slowly turned his head and saw Xu Xia crouched on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. She cried differently from any woman he had ever dated.
She cried so genuinely.
No trace of any other emotion was mixed in. She was simply… wronged.
In that instant, Zhou Chao, who had never doubted himself before, doubted himself for the first time.
He wondered if he could no longer even recognize crocodile tears—but no matter how good someone’s acting was, he should still be able to tell.
“But… that was the only thing I had to offer… Every time, I thought… thought if I did this, others would, would keep liking me, never get tired of me… But I… every time I… this time… this time was the most… but still…” She gulped down the tears streaming into her mouth, “Why is it still like this… I gave all, all of my sincerity…”
Zhou Chao’s eyelids twitched. He gritted his teeth and sneered, “If that’s really how it is, then you should have learned your lesson long ago. I don’t believe there’s someone in this world who keeps making the same mistakes in relationships, not just once or twice.”
“I don’t know…”
“That just proves it’s all an act. You don’t actually like them that much. You…” Zhou Chao licked his dry lips, “You just want to find someone to vent your desires on.”
Xu Xia wiped her tears, slowly stood up, raised her head little by little, and stared at Zhou Chao with her tear-filled eyes.
“What are you looking at?” Zhou Chao felt guilty for the first time during a breakup.
She wanted to say something, but as soon as she opened her mouth, tears gushed out uncontrollably, trickling down her pale cheeks.
Xu Xia forced a smile that was uglier than crying, choked, and took off her backpack from her back. Trembling, she unzipped it and pulled out a beautifully wrapped box. Through the transparent plastic, a neatly pressed plaid shirt could be seen.
She used the shirt to cover her face, held it above her head, and lifted it in front of Zhou Chao.
“This, for you… it was originally… a gift wishing you good luck on the Zhong Kao…”
Zhou Chao instinctively caught the delicate box. Looking at the brand label on it, he felt time slow down. A green leaf, nudged by the wind, slowly drifted down from a branch.
He jerked his head up and saw a figure covering her face as she walked away. She looked so small and fragile, as if a slightly stronger wind could blow her away…
Zhou Chao’s heart trembled. He hadn’t felt this way in years.
His mouth felt dry, drier than if he hadn’t drunk water for three days and three nights in the desert. Even his throat felt like it was burning.
Was this real?
Or fake?
Those words she said… what exactly…
What kind of feelings did she have for him?
Zhou Chao’s mind was a mess.
But the noisy chirping of cicadas dragged him back to reality.
“Xia Xia!!” He chased after the figure that had already gone far, running with all his might.
He felt he was running so slowly. So slowly that the leaf beside him seemed to take a century to fall to the ground; so slowly that the car at the end of the road seemed unable to make the turn until it was scrapped; so slowly that the little boy slowly walking in the distance seemed to need a lifetime to walk out of this street…
In the air as thick as glue, he used all his strength. Finally, he pressed down hard on her shoulder.
“Xia Xia!!”
“Don’t… don’t come near me!” Zhou Chao discovered for the first time that Xu Xia’s strength was so great—she directly swung his hand away into the air. She choked, sobbed, wiped the endless tears on her face, “I’m a used-up whore, a slut who deceives others’ feelings and deliberately hurts people… Don’t come near me!”
“Xia Xia, I didn’t understand enough before…”
“Why didn’t you want to understand me before?! Why…” Xu Xia slowly stopped, but still only left Zhou Chao with a slightly hunched back, “I clearly… clearly gave you everything… everything… but you wouldn’t… wouldn’t understand me… From the start, you only treated me like a toy… I… how ridiculous I am…”
“No, it’s just because I, I…”
“Let me go by myself…” Xu Xia grabbed her backpack strap and ran forward faster. She ran so fast that Zhou Chao felt he could never catch up…
“Xu! Xia!!”
His shout seemed to tear his throat, but still didn’t win him a single glance back.
He clutched his chest. His heart… pounded violently.
Like it was going to break through his chest and fly out.
But why did it pound so hard? Was it trying to fly to Xu Xia, to let her see his repentant heart?
Zhou Chao grabbed the lamppost, slowly sank to his knees, forced his eyes wide open, staring at the white cement bricks that were speckled with small black dots, and squeezed out his voice from his throat
“I’m sorry…”
(2)
“Hey? Zhou Chao, what’s up? All done?”
“An Jing.”
“Mm, I’m listening.”
“I tried a lot of ways to make up for the hurt I suffered before, but… I realized I was wrong about too many things.”
“What’s wrong? Broke up? Did she leave on her own?”
“I… I don’t know how to say it.”
“How are you?”
“I’m at the seaside, the one we always ride to.”
“Okay, wait for me there. I’ll be right over!”
The phone hung up. Zhou Chao, lying on his motorcycle, stared blankly at the screen. After a long while, he let out a self-deprecating laugh.
(3)
The Cheng Hong sunset was slowly sinking into the boundless sea, like a glowing iron ball, making the seawater seem to boil with it.
Waves washed over the empty gravel beach again and again. Perhaps in a thousand years, this place would become a golden sandy beach.
A small motorcycle buzzed and sped over from a distance.
Then it stopped right next to the red motorcycle ahead.
“Found Zhou Chao!”
“A Qiang, your butt is way too big. There’s no room for me in the back…”
“It’s the motorcycle that’s small.”
“And you drive way too bumpy. My butt hurts…”
“Cough, forget that for now. Let’s see how Zhou Chao is. The booze is in the trunk, right?”
“Yeah!”
“Zhou Chao!”
The familiar voice came from beside him. Zhou Chao slowly opened his eyes and saw An Jing waving her small hand at him.
“What’s wrong? You look terrible. Did the breakup hurt you that much?”
“It wasn’t her dumping me… it was me who dumped her.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
“…She might, actually… not be as bad as I thought…”
“Really? You misjudged someone too?”