Chi Qingya’s mind conjured the scene from when she had first met Su Li.
That Su Li possessed an ethereal quality, like a white lotus rising unstained from the mud.
It was all her fault, for pushing Su Li into the abyss of ruin.
If not for her, Su Li might not have been in such a rush to earn money.
She was the one who had offered Su Li a place to stay, yet in the end, she was the one who drove Su Li out.
Su Li hadn’t done anything wrong at all.
She was just reminding her to come home early.
She was just worried about her.
And yet, she had driven Su Li away.
She had personally pushed away someone who was good to her.
Chi Qingya slumped over the table, no longer daring to look at the scenes in the photos.
But the images of Su Li with other people kept swirling relentlessly in her mind.
Chi Qingya recalled the past, the time when she had first taken Su Li in.
Back then, it wasn’t as if no one gave Su Li gifts, or even confessed their feelings to her.
On the contrary, Su Li seemed to possess a magical charm.
Whether boys or girls, everyone felt a natural affinity for Su Li.
Chi Qingya even thought that even if she hadn’t taken Su Li in, someone else would have.
She had often seen confessions for Su Li on the campus confession wall.
It was just that Su Li was always elusive; adding her as a friend was an incredibly difficult task.
Su Li herself didn’t seem to care about such things, and eventually, those who wanted to confess to her just gave up.
Chi Qingya even suspected that Su Li didn’t even know a confession wall existed.
If she hadn’t let Su Li live in her home, just accepting the gifts others sent would probably have been enough for Su Li to get by in this world, wouldn’t it?
She tried hard to remember everything about Su Li, only to realize she didn’t seem to understand Su Li at all.
She didn’t even know what Su Li usually did.
Su Li always left early and returned late, probably going out to earn money.
Because she had made Su Li help share the pressure at home.
They had lived together for so long, yet she had never bothered to truly understand Su Li.
Long ago, she had even thought about becoming good friends with Su Li…
Chi Qingya picked up the bottle, wanting to drown her sorrows in drink.
The more she drank, the more she could imagine every little detail of her past with Su Li.
She only knew Su Li was poor, but even so, when she drove Su Li out, Su Li still paid her fifty thousand yuan in rent.
If she hadn’t paid that money, perhaps she could have lived a little better?
Chi Qingya didn’t know what she was feeling in her heart now.
She didn’t dare to look at the pictures of Su Li with others, yet she wanted to look, as if someone was tickling her heart.
A wave of curiosity washed over Chi Qingya’s mind.
In the end, she still took out her phone, studying Su Li in the photo and the girl sitting across from her.
If she looked carefully, Chi Qingya could see the girl opposite was quite cute, with short pink hair.
Perhaps this was the kind of girl Su Li liked to be with?
She looked much more well-behaved than her.
She didn’t have that haughty, superior air.
Chi Qingya suddenly felt a familiar sense from that girl.
It was like her own self when she had first arrived in S City, nervous and cautious about everything.
It seemed when she first brought Su Li home, she had been like that too.
Somehow, she had slowly become the person she was now.
Chi Qingya felt a pang of sadness.
If Su Li hadn’t paid her the rent, perhaps she could be eating meals she liked right now?
Was she living with another girl now?
Was this girl her new roommate?
She could sense that neither of them seemed to have much money.
Looking at the meal the other girl had made for Su Li, why did she feel both a sense of relief and a pang of heartache?
What was she relieved about?
Was she relieved that after leaving her, Su Li wasn’t living that well?
What was she heartbroken about?
Was she heartbroken that the life Su Li was sharing with this other girl was the one she herself had yearned for?
She had even had the thought of cooking for Su Li.
But in the end, the one who always cooked at home was Su Li.
Now, there was another girl cooking for Su Li?
Would Su Li be happy with her?
And what about Bai Huizi?
What did Bai Huizi count for?
Chi Qingya felt her head buzzing, but that didn’t stop the overwhelming guilt filling her heart.
If not for her, Su Li might never have gotten involved with Bai Huizi.
It was because of her that Su Li slowly became more worldly.
They could have lived a simple life together.
It was her, she was the one who pressured Su Li, forced Su Li to earn money, making her feel immense pressure.
It was her who made Su Li value money so much, which ultimately allowed Bai Huizi to take advantage and easily deceive her.
Chi Qingya poured more alcohol into her mouth, suddenly feeling her nose grow sour.
She suddenly remembered the scene when Su Li gave her the fifty thousand yuan.
Perhaps that fifty thousand yuan was savings Su Li had worked hard to earn, scrimping and saving for a long, long time.
She wanted to leave with dignity.
She didn’t want to owe her anything.
She wanted her to live better, even if Su Li herself was left penniless, her future life perhaps harsh and bitter.
If given another chance, she would never act this way again.
She would protect Su Li properly, never letting her get hurt again.
Chi Qingya suddenly realized, Su Li had already been earning a lot of money outside, so why did she still come home?
She still held some hope for her.
Even though she had to face her sour expression every day she came home, had to attend to her every day, had to endure her nitpicking and sarcastic remarks…
Su Li still chose to come home.
Even someone like her, who she herself found disgusting and hateful upon reflection.
Su Li still gave her chances!
Chance after chance!
Su Li hoped she could change!
But she didn’t!
Even when Su Li had the opportunity to move out, she still didn’t. She was giving her a chance!
It was her!
She was the one who finally pushed Su Li away from her side.
She was the one who drove Su Li out of the house.
She even thought that money of Su Li’s was earned by selling her body.
Tears streamed down from the corners of Chi Qingya’s eyes.
She suddenly slumped over the table and began to sob.