(1)
Time is a magical thing.
It is invisible and intangible, yet it clearly exists.
All things in the world change with time. When an observer pays extra attention to it, time slows to a crawl; otherwise, it flows as fast as a river.
Zhou Zhao looked into Fang Qiang’s sincere and uneasy eyes. She saw the slight downturn of the corners of his eyes and his short hair, trimmed so closely that even a breeze couldn’t ruffle it. She watched the evergreen tree beside them, which had just grown new leaves for the spring, as two yellow-green leaves fell with a *rustle* and fluttered like butterflies in the wind. She watched the dust motes rising in a beam of golden sunlight, swirling like a miniature sandstorm.
She wanted to laugh, yet she couldn’t.
Subconsciously, she wanted to refuse, but the words remained stuck in her throat.
Seeing that sincere face and the lonely look in his eyes that already foresaw the result reminded Zhou Zhao of her former self.
Although the circumstances were different, both involved trying to grasp a relationship that seemed beautiful in one’s imagination.
The sound of her own voice seemed to echo in her ears — a voice that didn’t sound like her at all, a voice filled with humility:
‘Can’t you stay with me anymore?’
‘I don’t like you anymore.’
‘Why? What did I do wrong?’
‘We’ve been together for too long. I just don’t feel anything for you anymore. Sorry.’
‘Why … why don’t you feel anything for me?’
‘I don’t know. I’m sorry. Let’s just break up.’
‘If — if I could! You — ‘
‘Even if …’
‘I get it. You don’t have to say anything else. You — ‘
The image of her own face — her male self’s face — surfaced in Zhou Zhao’s mind.
His eyes were wide with rage, his teeth bared like a rabid dog.
His fists were clenched, and a hysterical voice squeezed out from the depths of his throat:
“GET LOST! YOU BITCH!”
In reality, back then, he probably couldn’t see what kind of expression was on his own face.
But for some reason, she could imagine it clearly.
“Sorry …” In Zhou Zhao’s daze, time suddenly resumed its flow. Fang Qiang put on a forced, cheerful smile. “Haha, I was too abrupt. I just felt like I had to say it once. Even if you refuse, I had to say it. It’s fine if you reject me; I just wanted to be true to my heart.”
“True to your heart?”
“Because I thought that I might never meet such a soulmate of a friend again in this lifetime. Seriously.” Fang Qiang seemed to want to place his hand on Zhou Zhao’s shoulder, but he pulled back in hesitation. “… If you were a guy, you would definitely be my best brother for life. Right, and An Jing. My only best brothers in this life would be the two of you. Even A-Wei falls a bit short.”
Zhou Zhao took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and slowly opened them again. A smile played on the corners of her lips. “Whether I’m a man or a woman, I should be your brother for life. You are my brother for life, too. Brotherhood has nothing to do with gender.”
“So I actually regret it a bit. I shouldn’t have said those things …”
“It’s nothing.” Zhou Zhao took the initiative to step forward and placed her slender palm on Fang Qiang’s shoulder. She looked up and smiled. “Everyone has desires, or rather, things they want to escape from. And you … you might not actually like me in that way. You just feel that since our relationship is so good, being together might give you more hope to keep going.”
“Huh? I think … maybe … uh … there’s probably that kind of attraction between a man and a woman, too …”
“That’s just this skin of mine. It’s a normal and natural impulse.” Zhou Zhao laughed lightly and punched Fang Qiang in the chest. “To be fucking honest, in that moment just now, I really didn’t dare to reject you because I thought of myself. If it were me making that decision under those circumstances, hearing the other person’s rejection would definitely be hurtful.”
“Heh … it’s alright.” Fang Qiang scratched his head. “Actually, I already guessed it. It’s just, what I regret now is whether we can still be the same as before after saying those words …”
“Don’t you worry, your brother isn’t going to get hung up on this.” Zhou Zhao took another half-step forward, opened her arms, and gave Fang Qiang a big hug. “Brother, one day there will be a woman who will care for you. One day, you’ll meet a woman you can walk through life with. Don’t worry about that — “
“… Sigh, actually I was thinking, someone like me, really …”
“Ha, give me a break! The road of life is still very long! Who can say for sure what the future holds? We’re only in middle school!” Zhou Zhao slapped Fang Qiang’s head firmly. “Are you only making a move on your brother because you think you won’t be able to find a girlfriend later?”
“Damn, it’s not because of that! It’s, it’s — ” Fang Qiang tried hard to defend himself. His dark face turned as red as foie gras, but after stammering for a long time, he couldn’t organize a single effective sentence.
“Fine.” Zhou Zhao hugged Fang Qiang tightly and patted his back hard. “I might as well tell you, this brother only likes girls. But if one day I gain some interest in guys, and you still haven’t found a girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind giving it a try with you.”
“What do you mean, ‘giving it a try’?”
“You don’t think — ” Zhou Zhao’s eyelids drooped. ” — that dating always leads to marriage, do you?”
“Cough, isn’t there a saying that any relationship not aimed at marriage is just being a hooligan?”
“Bullshit. Times have changed, okay? If you go into a relationship now aiming for marriage right away, girls will think you’re the one being a hooligan!”
“Damn, is that how it works?”
“Of course. If there’s anything you don’t know, ask me. I understand girls very well. I can even help set you up. It’s a pity graduation is coming up soon. Even if you start a relationship, it’ll likely end in a breakup at graduation.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Fang Qiang broke away from Zhou Zhao’s embrace with some embarrassment. “Cough, you are a girl after all. You should avoid such intimate actions, or others might misunderstand.”
“Are you my fucking brother or not? Why are you thinking about that at a time like this?” Zhou Zhao glared at him with some dissatisfaction. “If you’re a man, stop constantly worrying about men and women not touching. Most of the time, the world shouldn’t be divided by gender. Even if I’m a girl, can’t I be your most sincere brother?”
“I know, I know. But sometimes, you … sigh, it’s just, this is still …”
Zhou Zhao couldn’t help but spit to the side. “Fuck, you’re really fucking disgusting.”
“Fuck, to be honest, now that you’re talking like this, I don’t have those thoughts anymore.”
“Forget it. I can’t control what’s in your head.” Zhou Zhao patted Fang Qiang’s shoulder. “In any case — “
“I know. I’ll never say those things again.”
“It’s fine if you do.” Zhou Zhao scratched her head, looking somewhat troubled. Suddenly, she grabbed Fang Qiang’s collar. “Hey, you’re still a fucking virgin, aren’t you?”
“Huh? Uh … y-yeah?”
“If things really don’t work out, your brother will let you have some fun first. Dammit, at least lose your virginity. You’ll only be able to deal with women in a more rational and calm way once you’ve experienced the disenchantment effect, you know?”
“HA — ?!” Fang Qiang looked incredulous. “Holy shit, can you just say things like that?”
“What’s the big deal? We’re fucking brothers!”
“Damn, even with the best of brothers, I couldn’t just sleep with them! Take An Jing, for example. No matter how beautiful she is, I couldn’t treat her as a girl and, you know, do that. Is he still a fucking brother then?”
Zhou Zhao rolled her eyes and inwardly teased An Jing about her current true gender. With a *clap*, she let go of Fang Qiang’s collar. “Whatever. Pretend I never said anything.”
“… Don’t go saying that to everyone, holy shit. You didn’t say that to An Jing before, did you? Did you say it to A-Wei? I know you have a cheerful personality, but don’t be too wild. Even if we act like brothers, you’re … you’re still a girl after all …”
“Yeah, I think I might have said it to An Jing. What a pity.”
“Hey, hey, don’t go becoming the ‘other woman’! He has a girlfriend now!”
“What the fuck are you thinking? That’s not what I’m regretting!”
“Then what is it?”
“Forget it, you don’t fucking need to know.”
Fang Qiang scratched his head awkwardly. “Okay … well, anyway, that’s that. Let’s … let’s just pretend nothing happened …”
“I thought that after that incident, you wouldn’t be interested in girls for a while. I didn’t expect this. Don’t worry, if there’s a chance in the future, your brother will introduce someone to you.”
“No … not now. It was only because … because it was you … after all, we’re close …”
“Where the fuck are you close with me? Hmm?” Zhou Zhao laughed and cursed. “If you were really close, you would have known I’d reject you.”
“Hope … everyone has it …”
“Idiot.”
“Cough! Oh, right. Let’s get some drinks for An Jing and the others. The girls will probably want coffee. I don’t know what An Jing wants; her taste in drinks has been pretty changeable lately.”
“Get her a Sprite.” Zhou Zhao looked up at the sun that had emerged after the heavy rain. “It’s going to get hot again this afternoon.”
“Got it.” Fang Qiang fished a 20 yuan bill out of his pocket and stuffed it into the vending machine. Immediately after, it got jammed.
“Holy shit.”
“What did you do?”
“The money is stuck. Damn, who do I go to?”
“Dammit, you can only put in 10 yuan bills at most. You stuffed a 20 yuan bill in there. It would be weird if it didn’t get stuck, you idiot.”
“It’s useless to say that now. If I shake the machine, will it come out?”
“No, it’s a paper bill, not a coin. You have to find someone to open the door and take the money out for you.”
“But right now …”
“Just wait! Consider yourself lucky; the people who refill the drinks usually come around noon.” Zhou Zhao crossed her arms and clicked her tongue. “Look what you’ve done. You jammed the machine all by yourself. Now the people behind us can’t buy anything either.”
“Damn it.”
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