Chapter 20: The Lingering Warmth at the Corner of Her Mouth

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The blazing white sun baked the sidewalk until it burned.

Mu Yan walked fast with her head down, like she was fleeing something she could not shake off.

The touch at the corner of her mouth just would not fade.

It had only lasted a second.

Mu Siyi had gone up on her toes, her breath sweeping across a cheek, and those soft lips, carrying a hint of mint, had brushed on.

I’m her older brother.

The four words slammed back and forth inside her head until they left her dazed.

She pushed open the apartment door.

Cold air wrapped in emptiness rushed at her.

She slid down the door panel and sat on the floor, and only after a long while did she get up.

She raised a hand and roughly rubbed the corner of her mouth twice, rubbing the skin red.

That soft, hot touch still sat there like a brand, nailed in place.

The phone suddenly buzzed until the coffee table rang.

It was a photo from Mu Siyi.

In the classroom, sunlight fell slantwise across the ends of her hair.

The blue-and-white school uniform made her face look round.

She was holding up a peace sign, smiling with bent eyes. 

“Physics is so boring. I want to drink the coffee Jiejie sent.”

Mu Yan stared at the screen for half a minute, then suddenly flipped the phone face down.

She couldn’t look at it anymore.

She got up and wandered in circles, added more water to succulents she had already watered, and rinsed already-clean bowls all over again.

Ice-cold water ran over her fingertips and still could not wash away the hot mess in her chest.

Mom’s voice suddenly rose in her ear. That brat Siyi only listens to you.

They all treated her as the reliable older sister.

But no one knew that inside this shell was their dead son.

No one knew that their daughter had just kissed her own older brother at the school gate.

“Thief.” 

She cursed herself in a low voice at the empty kitchen.

In the entryway, Mu Siyi’s pink rabbit slippers were still crooked on the floor, long ears drooping like they were throwing a tantrum.

Mu Yan crouched down and tucked the slippers neatly into the deepest shadow of the shoe rack.

She had to keep her distance now.

Those acts of acting spoiled, the hugs, the intimacy with no sense of boundaries—all of it should stop outside the safety line.

She stood up.

Outside the window, the sunset pulled her shadow very long.

Her fingertips lightly touched the corner of her mouth again.

She actually had no idea whether she could really do it.