Chapter 2: Can’t Wake Up, Ah!

At this point, I had no choice but to accept reality for now.

I glanced around.

It must be raining outside. 

Water was leaking from a crack in the ceiling, dripping into a small red bucket.

“Want some water?”

Cluru scooped up a cup of water from that bucket and held it out to me, blinking innocently.

“You don’t have running water here?”

“Well, I couldn’t pay the water bill, so…” 

Cluru gave a sheepish smile and scratched the back of her head with a tentacle. 

“But don’t worry, I’ve been drinking this water for seventeen years. On average, I only get diarrhea six days a week.”

“……”

I took the cup with trembling hands.

“Ah, wait! Your body’s still weak—you shouldn’t drink cold water.”

Cluru suddenly snatched the cup back.

She took a big gulp into her mouth.

Then puckered her lips at me and pointed to her puffed-up cheeks.

—Now it’s not cold.

“No! No thanks!”

Blushing with shame, I raised my hand and blocked her face from coming closer.

Cluru regretfully swallowed the water.

Gulp.

Then her eyes drooped, slightly dejected. “You didn’t mind it before…”

B-Before?!

“Since you couldn’t eat or drink by yourself, I’ve been feeding you this way for the past seventeen years…”

“………………”

It was as if lightning struck me.

My mind was suddenly filled with vivid images of Cluru feeding me.

Seventeen years. 

Three meals a day. 

Not even counting water breaks.

I was speechless.

At last, I forced out a word from the back of my throat:

“…Thanks.”

I had to thank her. In every sense of the word, Cluru saved me.

While others gave up on treating me or maybe even secretly rejoiced in my downfall— it was Cluru who brought me back to her tiny home.

And took care of me for seventeen whole years.

Even if her motives were, well, complicated…

She still saved my life.

I wasn’t so far gone as to ignore that.

Besides, she really wasn’t evil or anything. 

She just… wanted to get with me.

Alright, fine. 

Things had already come this far.

Clearly, I couldn’t count on this little octopus. 

I had to figure out how to get clean water and food that wasn’t some kind of eldritch tentacle.

“Foneo…”

I tried out a spell from this world— Water Summoning.

I could feel the magic activating, but my body was too weak. 

The casting was painfully slow.

With practice and rehab, it should improve soon.

So I stopped chanting midway.

Now that I thought about it…

Why are there even eldritch gods in this world?! 

Earth definitely didn’t have any of that stuff.

“Oh, right,” the little octopus chimed in, as if on cue. 

“You really are unlucky. You got hit on the head and turned stupid just as the world entered the Age of Awakened Spirits…”

“Spirits?”

New term unlocked.

“Everyone awakens a guardian spirit and gains its powers. Like me—my spirit is a big octopus!”

Oh… So spirits are animals?

“They can be animals, plants, or even weird conceptual stuff. Like Poopball.”

“……”

“I’ve got a friend whose spirit is literally Poopball. And he can fly on it.”

I couldn’t help but picture it.

—Poopball, full speed ahead!

“As long as it’s a concept, it can become your spirit.”

These spirits… sound a lot like avatars from cultivation worlds. 

High-level cultivators could awaken avatar projections that floated behind them. 

Pretty similar to spirits.

Only, spirits seemed a lot weaker.

“You should have one too.”

Really?

I closed my eyes and tried to sense it.

Focused.

Sensed…

And… hmm…

Maybe it was a difference in system.

Even I, the legendary cultivation maniac from the cultivation realm, couldn’t feel so much as a flicker of a Poopball inside me.

“Everyone awakened their spirits instantly seventeen years ago. Newborns awaken at birth. Looks like you missed your shot.”

Cluru examined me carefully.

Not that she could offer any real help—she was a half-baked amateur herself.

“It’s okay,” she patted me sympathetically. “I’ll take care of you.”

I don’t need you to take care of me!

And besides, I don’t even need a spirit.

I’ve already mastered all the knowledge of this world.

All I have to do now is start over with experience.

Easy peasy.

“You haven’t eaten the tentacle I gave you earlier. If you wait any longer, it’ll get cold.”

“No thanks.”

I firmly rejected that.

It was still moving.

…..

I dragged my bony legs and stood up.

Headed for the fridge.

Hoping to find some actual human food.

Opened the fridge. 

First thing I saw— a whole row of cola.

Ignored the soda and kept digging.

Next came a row of eggs.

I lit up with joy.

Quickly grabbed one, ready to crack it open and make a fried egg.

“You do have normal food!” I called out accusingly.

“Uhh…” Cluru hesitated.

The look on her face gave me a bad feeling.

“Don’t tell me these aren’t chicken eggs.”

“Uhh… yeah.”

She nodded.

“Then what kind of eggs? Duck? Goose?”

“Your eggs.”

“……”

I quietly put the egg back in the fridge.

I didn’t ask any more questions.

Some doors were better left unopened especially in a world with eldritch gods and hentai logic.

Even though I was now wearing a limited-edition foxy girl skin— nothing could surprise me anymore.

“Ugh—”

Maybe I was too hungry.

My vision suddenly darkened.

I let out an involuntary, shameful little moan.

And collapsed backward.

Onto Cluru’s soft tentacle blanket.

“Are you okay?!”

She rushed over in a panic, wrapping her arms and tentacles around me and lifting me up.

“Hun…gry…”

I couldn’t even form full sentences anymore.

“Eat the tentacle!”

Cluru grabbed that still-wriggling tentacle and tried to stuff it into my mouth.

I shook my head in horror.

“Alright…”

Cluru rested her chin on her hand, troubled.

My vision blurred. 

My eyes began to glaze over.

The exhaustion from the dimensional jump and this body’s frailty were catching up to me.

Sleepiness overwhelmed me.

“Let’s go outside then.”

I vaguely heard the girl say.

She wrapped me up and shuffled toward the door.

Creaaaak—

A small sliver of light peeked through.

The door to the basement hadn’t been opened in years. 

The hinges were rusted solid.

Cluru struggled and strained, pushing it a hundred different ways.

I tried every possible position.

Still wouldn’t budge.

She was panting heavily, nearly melting into a puddle of exhaustion.

I couldn’t take it anymore and murmured a spell.

Lodiousa.

Lubricate.

A simple spell. Very versatile.

Didn’t use much mana.

“It opened—ahh, it’s so bright!!”

Cluru cracked the door open— then slammed it shut at light speed.

After living in this dim basement for so long, she couldn’t handle daylight anymore.

Her eyes were practically blinded.

“Shut-in problems. Just give it a sec. It’s not like you’re a vampire.”

I forced myself up and opened the door myself.

At first, the light was blinding.

But I adjusted gradually.

As my vision cleared, I finally saw the world outside.

“…Huh? An arena?”