(1)
White walls and black tiles sat beside a flowing river. If not for the trash room overflowing with refuse, this would have certainly been a place as beautiful as an ink wash painting.
Zhu Ying stood before the old wooden door and lightly knocked on the bronze ring. The thumping sound was somewhat dull and did not carry far before being swallowed by the fluttering drizzle.
In this silent village, time seemed to slow down, as if even a long wait for the door to open would not make Zhu Ying feel anxious.
“Creeeak—” The sound of the wooden door opening brought An Jing back from her daze. she looked into the house and saw Wang Xinru wearing a blue and white checkered sweater, her eyes slightly downcast.
“Xinru!”
“Oh, it’s Yingying and An’an.” Wang Xinru lifted her eyelids slightly, her voice a bit low. “Are you two here… for something?”
“To hang out with you, of course. Qingming Festival is pretty boring, right?”
“…” Wang Xinru forced a bitter smile. “A little.”
“Are you in a bad mood today?” An Jing, standing to the side, asked bluntly.
“I’m alright.”
Zhu Ying’s gaze fell on the cloth bag she was holding. Several thick, long candles peeked out from inside, leaning together toward the right.
“Are you going to visit a grave?” Zhu Ying blinked gently, her long eyelashes trembling slightly in the wind.
“Yes, I’m visiting my mother’s grave.”
“Oh, I see… Huh?” Zhu Ying’s eyes widened in surprise. She glanced at An Jing out of the corner of her eye and found that the latter also looked bewildered; she clearly had no idea.
“She passed away from illness… while we were abroad.” Wang Xinru gripped the cloth bag with both hands and struggled to look up, taking a deep breath. “My father sent me a sum of money and told me to buy a plot in a nearby cemetery.”
“Did your father… bring your mother’s ashes back?” Zhu Ying licked her lips softly, her voice sounding a bit stiff.
After all, she was still just a middle school student. In her memory, no one’s parents passed away at this age—at most, they just got divorced.
“No.” Wang Xinru shook her head gently. “This is just a Cenotaph.”
“So your mom never actually came back, and your dad just sent money home?” An Jing couldn’t help but ask.
“Yes…”
An Jing’s eyelid twitched. “Why did you lie to me? Why did you keep it a secret all this time?”
Wang Xinru pursed her lips. “I just… didn’t want An’an to worry.”
“What do you mean? We’re friends, aren’t we? Doesn’t it hurt to keep it bottled up inside? Even if you can comfort yourself and find a way to move on, why must you carry this all alone? Isn’t it better to have someone share the burden with you? You…”
“But, what could An’an even do to help me carry it…?” Wang Xinru shook her head with a bitter smile. Her face, which already tended to look gloomy, now looked so miserable that it felt as if the air itself was radiating bitterness.
“I…” An Jing was momentarily at a loss for words, stuttering as she argued, “No—no matter what, it’s always better, right? Having someone to talk to… instead of… instead of keeping it all inside alone…”
“It’s okay, I’ve already moved past it.” Wang Xinru forced a smile that looked more painful than crying. “I can manage on my own.”
“Xinru.” Zhu Ying rubbed the corners of her eyes and suddenly lunged forward, pulling her into a tight hug. “If there’s anything painful or unhappy, just tell us. Jing and I will always be your best friends. You must be hurting right now, right? If you want to cry, just let it out. You’ll feel better if you do…”
“I… I can’t cry. I don’t know how.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice any of this before.”
“It—it’s nothing.” Being held tightly by Zhu Ying, Wang Xinru felt a bit flustered. “That… Yingying, you’re holding me too tight. I can’t… I can’t breathe.”
“Wangwang, let’s go to the grave together. We’ll go with you, so at least the walk there and back won’t be so lonely,” An Jing said softly. Those clear and sincere eyes made Wang Xinru’s eyes sting.
She set her mouth in a firm line, squeezed out a smile, and lightly rubbed the corners of her eyes with her fingertips. “If you don’t mind the walk… then let’s go together.”
“When you’re with friends, no distance feels too far!” Zhu Ying stepped back and patted An Jing’s shoulder hard. “Right, An Jing?”
“Ugh… Let’s go. Remember to bring an umbrella.”
***
(2)
As it turned out, the three of them still didn’t bring umbrellas; instead, each of them wore a bamboo hat.
Perhaps it was more suitable for this drizzly Qingming Festival.
Zhu Ying held up her bamboo hat, plucked a piece of foxtail grass from the roadside, and giggled as she tickled An Jing’s neck. “Jing, are you ticklish?”
“Stop it…” An Jing felt a bit helpless.
“Xinru isn’t talking either. Why so gloomy?”
“Well… my parents were doing business in a rather chaotic country. It might have been… illegal.”
“Illegal?” An Jing was stunned.
“At least it would be illegal here. So, it wasn’t convenient for them to come back recently. The medical conditions there were poor, and my mother’s illness was dragged out for a long time. They originally planned to transfer her to Japan for treatment, but they couldn’t go through normal channels. By the time they found another way, it was too late.”
“So your dad still doesn’t plan on coming back?”
“He’s trying to find a way to get out, but he doesn’t know if he can return to the country.” Wang Xinru gave a soft smile. “At least he’s still around…”
“Your dad doesn’t seem like the type of person who would ignore his family.” An Jing scratched her head and picked up her pace a little to walk side-by-side with Wang Xinru.
Behind them, Zhu Ying fiddled with the foxtail grass with feigned nonchalance, then walked to the other side to take An Jing’s hand.
“He wanted to make more money too badly… maybe because of certain things, he got a bit obsessed with it…”
“Oh… then has he told you where he might go if he can’t return to the country?”
“I’m not sure. It might be Canada.” Wang Xinru looked down at An Jing’s hand, which was being held by Zhu Ying. Her own right hand couldn’t help but lift slightly, but then she pressed it down with her left hand and moved it quietly behind her back. “I heard him mention it a few times before… It’s a vast land with few people, very suitable for retirement.”
“If he goes there, Wangwang, will you go with him?”
“Maybe…” Wang Xinru looked at An Jing’s face with a gentle smile. “I don’t know yet.”
***
(3)
This was a Suburban Cemetery. It looked like it had only been built for a year or two; though small, everything was brand new. The rows of pine trees planted inside were, at their tallest, only slightly taller than An Jing.
A middle-aged woman kept watch in a pavilion at the front of the cemetery. Everyone who entered had to have their bags checked by her.
“Candles and incense cannot be taken inside. No open flames are allowed.”
“Visiting a grave on Qingming Festival without lighting candles or burning paper? How are we supposed to pay our respects then?” An Jing stood up, looking rather displeased.
“You can offer flowers or use electronic candles. There are flower shops and places selling electronic candles on the way up.”
“What’s the point of that?” An Jing was still dissatisfied.
“Little girl, if you don’t plan on following the rules, you can’t go in.”
An Jing, being called a little girl, curled her lip. She looked helplessly at Wang Xinru behind her. “Wangwang, how about we just buy some…?”
“Yeah… let’s buy some.”
“We don’t necessarily have to buy flowers,” Zhu Ying suggested. “There are so many wildflowers by the road.”
“Is that okay? Isn’t it a bit informal?”
“But I think wildflowers by the road have more vitality, don’t they?”
“Yingying is right. Let’s just pick some from the roadside. Then… I’ll go buy the electronic candles.”
“It seems like mostly small yellow flowers bloom around Qingming. Those red flowers that used to cover the hills aren’t as common anymore.”
“It seems that way. It’s like this every Qingming.” Zhu Ying tugged at An Jing’s arm. “Jing, look, what kind of flowers are those?”
“Rapeseed flowers.”
“And those?”
“Green vegetable flowers.”
“What about over there?”
“Where?”
“Next to that rock on the slope.”
“Uh… that… should be Gnaphalium affine, I think. It’s edible.”
“Qingming greens?”
“Let me think… Formally, they should be called… Water Chrysanthemums?”
“Oh~ they all look pretty much the same to me.”
“They’re different. Even if they’re all yellow flowers, there are many varieties.”
“True. Should we pick some?”
“I’ll do it!”
***
(4)
Unlike the graves on the hillsides in the countryside, the graves in the cemetery were arranged in neat rows. There were no weeds or trash in front of any grave, nor was there any smell of smoke brought by burning incense and paper money.
Everything was cold and icy, with very little warmth.
Wang Xinru’s mother’s grave was in an ordinary spot. On either side were empty graves that had not yet been purchased—the proof of that was the lack of inscriptions on the tombstones.
An Jing placed a bunch of small yellow flowers in front of the grave. They were bundled together by a hair tie that Zhu Ying always carried—though she rarely tied her hair in braids, such trinkets were always in her pocket.
“Mom, I’ve come to see you. An’an is here too.” Wang Xinru slowly knelt before the tombstone. She took oranges and apples out of a red plastic bag and arranged them carefully. Then, she fixed two electronic candles onto the concrete ground in front of the grave. She turned her head to look at a dwarf pine tree planted beside the grave and smiled gently. “This pine tree seems to have grown a bit taller. In a few years, it will be very tall. I should have bought a better sapling back then, but unfortunately, I had used up all the money…”
“Hello, Auntie… Don’t worry about Wangwang. As her friend, I’ll definitely help whenever she needs it.”
“And me! Although I never met you, Auntie, please rest assured. Jing and I are very kind people!”
“Who praises themselves for being kind?” An Jing twitched the corner of her mouth. “Aren’t you embarrassed…?”
“What’s wrong with that? Just telling the truth. Is Jing embarrassed? Let me see. Your face isn’t even red!”
“Eek—don’t get so close all of a sudden…”
Wang Xinru, kneeling on the ground, looked back with a smile. She pulled a candle out of her pocket that was only the size of a Nutrition Express cap. “An’an, feel around. You have a lighter in your pocket, right?”
“Huh? I didn’t bring one. Eek… there really is one.”
“I snuck it in earlier.”
“Ah… you want to sneakily light a candle.”
“Yes. It’s such a small candle, it should be fine.” Wang Xinru held the red candle in both hands and handed it to An Jing. “An’an, will you light it?”
“Oh, okay…”
“Click, click…”
The scent of bean oil quietly diffused in the rain. Even though it was just a tiny candle, it suddenly made people feel warm.
“Where should I put it?”
“Just put it at the very front.”
“Okay…”
“We can go back now.”
“Ah, not staying a bit longer?”
“No… let’s just leave it at that.”