It seemed as if the sensation beneath her feet was warm.
Chi Qingya felt as if she was sick.
No, she really was sick.
Just a moment ago, the hot water had felt scalding against her feet, but now she couldn’t help but crave the feeling of warmth wrapping around her.
Chi Qingya placed both her feet in the hot water that had flowed onto the floor.
Her gaze was blank, and she stayed like that for a long, long time before she slowly remembered what she was supposed to do.
Looking for water…
Yes, she needed to find water.
She’d just poured herself a cup of water.
The little rationality she had left guided her to pick up her water cup, and barefoot, she walked to the bathroom.
The cool water flowing from the faucet and the heat from the water in the cup canceled each other out.
She stared at the running water before her and swallowed.
She wanted to drink…
But wasn’t the water from the faucet not very clean?
She vaguely recalled the Teacher saying something about this when she was little.
If you drink water straight from the faucet, bugs will get into your stomach.
She felt dazed.
Suddenly, she felt wronged.
She wanted to go back to her childhood.
If only she could go back to being a child…
Then, even if she was sick, her Father and Mother would be there to take care of her.
She didn’t know how long she’d been standing in front of the faucet like that before she finally turned it off and gripped her water cup.
She looked at herself in the mirror.
Her tangled hair was plastered to her sweaty forehead, her whole face flushed with an unhealthy red, but her lips were white as paper.
She leaned closer to the mirror and saw her eyes bloodshot, her eye sockets sunken, as if someone had punched her twice.
The collar of her pajamas was twisted and open, and there were red marks scratched by her fingernails on her collarbone.
When had she become like this?
She couldn’t remember.
Her mind was actually very active right now, but she couldn’t make sense of anything.
Su Li…
For some reason, Chi Qingya suddenly thought of this name.
She wondered, what was Su Li doing right now?
She couldn’t imagine it.
She couldn’t figure it out.
The dryness in her mouth yanked her thoughts back to reality. She picked up the water cup.
Her hand trembled as she tilted the cup to her lips, the rim banging painfully against her teeth.
She gulped the water like a wild cat gone mad with thirst, letting the cool liquid flow down her chin and into her collar without bothering to wipe it away.
The first mouthful went down the wrong way, making her double over like a shrimp as she coughed, tears and snot streaming down her face.
She wiped her face haphazardly, then kept pouring water into her mouth.
Tears trickled down the corners of Chi Qingya’s eyes—she started crying again.
Honestly, she didn’t want to cry this time, but her body simply couldn’t suppress the urge to weep.
She didn’t know how she ended up like this.
There didn’t seem to be any record of this in the Psychology Books.
Psychology…
She remembered those books she’d bought.
She’d already read through them more than once, she thought she understood them well.
But why was her life still such a mess?
Chi Qingya set her cup aside and turned the faucet on again.
The icy water ran down her cheeks, but she still couldn’t make sense of anything.
She was supposed to be the most educated person in her family.
But she turned out to be worse off than her Father and Mother.
She couldn’t even compare to her Younger Sister.
It seemed everyone else lived more transparently than she did.
Why?
She’d studied for so many years, listened in class, read every Book carefully—what was it all for?
Why did she end up like this?
Chi Qingya felt tears trickle down the corners of her eyes again, not understanding why she was so prone to crying.
It felt like she’d loved crying since she was very little.
Crying seemed like the only way to solve problems.
But later she realized crying only worked on her Father and Mother; no one else cared whether she cried or not.
So Chi Qingya kept telling herself not to cry anymore.
Crying was useless.
But right now she still couldn’t help wanting to cry.
It was as if crying had long ago become her weapon without her even realizing it.
Even now, she couldn’t hold back her tears.
Maybe it was because she’d washed her face with cold water, but Chi Qingya felt a little better now.
Dragging her exhausted body to the Kitchen, she took out several bowls and filled each with warm water.
“Gurgle, gurgle.”
Hearing her stomach rumble, Chi Qingya froze for a moment.
“Su Li…”
She murmured Su Li’s name, but there was no hot porridge placed in front of her.
In the past, whenever she was sick, Su Li would always prepare hot porridge for her.
She picked up her Cell Phone, suddenly remembering she hadn’t asked her Teacher for leave yet.
She had no idea what Su Li was up to right now.
Chi Qingya opened the Sister Group, but no one had replied to her messages.
She stared at the chat screen for a long time, then gave up the idea of asking about Su Li.
She vaguely felt that if she sent out news about Su Li,
the others in the Sister Group would reply to her right away.
That thought surfaced in her mind, filling Chi Qingya with an indescribable sense of loss.
She didn’t know what she’d done wrong…
Weren’t they all Friends?
Why…
Had no one replied to her for so long?
Maybe it was just because she was sick that she’d become so sensitive and suspicious.
If the Sister Group replied only because of news about Su Li but ignored her being sick, she knew she’d feel hurt and disappointed.
That’s what Chi Qingya thought, and in the end, she stared at the silent Group Chat for a while longer, then quietly closed the Chat Software.
Even though her Chat Account had so many contacts,
no one cared that she was sick.
Chi Qingya knew she didn’t have many Friends, so she treasured every one of them.
But why had things become like this? She couldn’t figure it out or understand it.
Feeling the hunger in her stomach, Chi Qingya finally ordered some delivery food.
Her head felt foggy, so she leaned back on the Sofa and quickly fell asleep.
In her Dream.
She dreamed that she’d made lots of Friends.
No one bullied her.
Everyone liked to be with her.
Even when she got sick, they’d all come visit her together.
They’d even bring her all kinds of delicious food and tell her interesting stories.
She could proudly and happily tell her Father, Mother, and Younger Sister
that she’d made good Friends.
They didn’t have to worry about her anymore.
A cold Wind blew by, making Chi Qingya shiver unconsciously.
She reached out, fumbling for her Blanket, but suddenly remembered she’d fallen asleep on the Sofa.
Remembering what had just happened, she reached out as if to grab something tightly, but caught only emptiness.
The Dream was fake.
Friends were too…