Chapter 119:How About You? (4)

Actually, even though I’ve spent so much time with my older sister, there were a lot of things I didn’t know about her.  

I knew most of the everyday things, like what food and drinks she liked, and things like that.  

I couldn’t interpret every emotion on her face, but I was still confident I could read her expressions to some extent.  

But there were things I didn’t know.  

There are also things that, even if I wasn’t the one involved, it’s impossible to know.  

For example, the way my sister looked right after finishing a shower.  

It’s natural not to know those things. After all, unless you’re a very close same-sex friend or a romantic partner, you wouldn’t see that side of her.  

In that sense, I wondered, am I my sister’s close friend, or more like her lover?  

We hadn’t clearly defined that line yet. It’s obvious we’re more than just friends, but at the same time, it felt too awkward to openly call ourselves lovers.  

“I’m done showering.”  

While I couldn’t take my eyes off her, my sister said that, blushing.  

It was then I realized that my gaze had been glued to her, and I blushed too. I had been staring at her ever since she came out of the shower.  

She was already dressed. She had borrowed one of my shirts from my room. Since I was a bit bigger than her, there was no real worry about the fit.  

She wore a white t-shirt and some short athletic shorts.  

It was enough to wear to bed, but seeing her dressed like that made my heart race.  

My sister really did plan to sleep in my room.  

It would be a lie if I said I didn’t expect it. From the moment she said she was going to stay over, I had been wondering how things would turn out.  

Though I tried to convince myself with logic that “nothing will happen,” at the same time, I thought “but there is a possibility.”  

We were in that gray zone more than friends, but not quite lovers, stuck in memories of the past.  

In that situation, I felt it would be dangerous to let the physical side take the lead, but deep inside, I still wanted her.  

What about her, I wondered.  

She was the one who insisted on staying in the same room even when I suggested sleeping in the living room.  

Could I say she didn’t feel anything like that at all?  

Her mind didn’t seem fully out of the influence of the alcohol, but she still appeared mentally clear.  

So, I didn’t think she had said that just because of the alcohol. Of course, from her behavior, it seemed like the alcohol had played a part.  

“Ah.”  

I had been so lost in thought that I forgot she was awkwardly smiling at me.  

Standing slightly away from the bathroom, my sister was awkwardly standing at a distance.  

What did my face look like while I was looking at her?  

If I had been staring at her in a daze, just blankly looking at her fresh from the shower…  

“C-Coming out now!”  

As soon as I thought about that, I became incredibly embarrassed, so I quickly went into the bathroom.

*

After finishing my shower and stepping out, I found my sister sitting on the bed.  

My heart was still racing wildly.  

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she smiled at me without saying much, but even so, I couldn’t help feeling a bit… expectant.  

It’s only natural. The person I’ve liked since I was very young was now going to spend the night in the same room with me. I couldn’t help but feel nervous.  

I even thought about what I should do, but then decided to stop thinking about it.  

If I kept getting lost in my thoughts, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to do anything tonight. My mind was full of thoughts.  

I pushed those thoughts down, suppressing them, and then confidently walked over to sit beside my sister.  

As soon as I sat on the soft edge of the bed, I could smell the shampoo I use coming from her.  

The confidence I had just felt disappeared along with that scent.  

“……..”  

What should I say? Not having any experience made moments like this incredibly awkward.  

Of course, that didn’t mean I wanted to gain experience somewhere else. In fact, I liked the idea of having this kind of experience for the first time… with the person I liked… No, what am I even thinking?  

“Did you have fun today?”  

While I was drowning in my chaotic thoughts, my sister spoke first.  

I felt her hand touch mine.  

Throughout the day, I had felt that sensation many times. When we sat on the bench, when we sat at the table at home, she was always beside me.  

We’d hold hands, sometimes even cross arms or rest her head on my shoulder. We’d hug lightly.  

So, holding hands like this should have been no big deal…  

But it wasn’t. No matter how much I tried to calm myself down, this was my room, and it was nighttime. And the person next to me wasn’t just anyone—it was my sister.  

“Y-Yes… Ah.”  

I automatically used formal speech, then quickly shut my mouth. I had just decided to speak casually.  

Now that I thought about it, I had used formal speech again when I entered the shower.  

Feeling my face burning up, as if it might actually get so hot that my skin would change, I finally answered.  

“Yeah. It was fun.”  

I barely managed to speak informally.  

My heart fluttered.  

I loved the feeling of getting closer to my sister again, and it was wonderful that we were becoming irreplaceable to each other.  

It felt good because it was like the past me and the present me were connected.  

I felt my sister’s hand on top of mine tighten a little. She held my hand and continued speaking.  

“I’m glad.”  

The reason my sister said this was because, in the end, she didn’t know the truth.  

She didn’t know that I was really me, or that my birthday the other day had truly been my birthday.  

From her perspective, I was spending time with her on a day that had nothing to do with my birthday.  

“……”  

“……”  

For a moment, neither of us said anything.  

I couldn’t bring myself to look her straight in the eyes. If I did, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else, like I would just fall into her arms.  

Did my sister feel the same way? I hoped she did.  

“Yeah.”  

“…Shihyun.”  

“I heard all sorts of stories from your friends.”  

“Yeah.”  

I had played it off by saying it was from a country that no longer exists, but the stories my colleagues had told about me were really things I had gone through with them.  

When I had told my colleagues stories about my sister, I’d left out any historical details and just focused on the ‘things we experienced,’ so I didn’t think there was any major discomfort.  

“Do you think you could figure out what country that disappeared country is?”  

“……Huh?”  

“Because I’m curious.”

Without realizing it, I turned my head and looked at my sister’s face.  

She was looking straight at me.  

There was strength in her gaze.  

A look that held a determination to hear it no matter what.  

Her hand tightened.  

Because of the difference in strength, I could easily pull away if I wanted to… but that was just a matter of power. I could never pull away from my sister’s hand.

This… had always been the case. Since long ago. Maybe from the moment I started to like her.  

“I searched while you were washing up. There were countries lost to civil wars… I’m sure there were. And there were some countries that, when you think about the timing, didn’t seem right. But—”  

My sister said, looking directly at me.  

“Among them, there were no refugees who came to Korea. And none of the refugees naturalized in Korea either. If that had happened, there would’ve definitely been at least a small article about it. But, in all the things I could find, there was nothing. And…….”  

“…….”  

“And there were no stories of children who lived in such places and later returned to Korea.”  

“Ah, that…”  

“Not everything makes it into the news.

I know that. Maybe you really did go through that past. But if that’s true, why can’t you tell me the name of the country? Why is it that in all the stories about your childhood friends, there’s no mention of your real childhood?”  

“……..”  

I had nothing to say.  

My mind, already clouded, felt empty.  

My sister had always been sincere with me. Before I went to Irellexia, and after I returned.  

Even now, I was still hiding my past from her.  

“I want to know your past. If I’m going to accept you… if I’m going to accept you as you are, it’s necessary.”  

The expression on my sister’s face as she said this looked desperate.  

…My past.  

The past I had been too afraid to bring up, thinking she might hate me for it.  

She wanted that past from me.  

Right, my sister had already told me about her past.  

Maybe it’s unfair of me not to say anything to her.  

“I want to know who you are.”  

My sister looked at me, and asked, her voice firm.  

“What about you?”  

I…  

I felt my sister’s hand, which was holding mine.  

What was I hoping for?  

Actually, it was easy to think of what I might want, even without trying too hard.  

I had returned to this world to meet the people I loved again.  

So…  

“…….Alright.”  

I said.  

“I’ll tell you everything.”