Shihyun is dead.
I saw it with my own eyes.
There’s no room for doubt. Words like “Wasn’t there any way for them to come back to life?” don’t even make sense.
Losing an arm or a leg, having the lower half blown off, or even just part of the head getting injured there are accidents where survival is possible. But not for Shihyun.
Shihyun, who had been in my arms, was in a state that was absolutely impossible to survive biologically.
And five years passed.
Then, someone with the same name as Shihyun appeared in front of me.
It was hard to think of Shihyun just from the appearance. Honestly, they didn’t resemble Shihyun much. If Shihyun had a sister or a younger sibling, they probably would have resembled her more.
But this other Shihyun, who looked completely different, reminded me of Shihyun in every other way.
The expression they made when eating something bitter was the same. The shy smile when our eyes met was the same. The way their lips moved when they read something, or the way they nodded off in the warm sunlight, was the same.
The way they turned around when I called their name was the same.
“Unni.”
Shihyun used to say that whenever they were flustered. That word, which came out like a slip of the tongue, would make me see Shihyun as the Shihyun I remembered without realizing it.
“…….Because this is the kind of world it is. You said that when we were younger.”
“This is the kind of world it is?”
Ah, right, that’s what they had asked me.
Shihyun had asked me that when I was doing volunteer work.
When Shihyun was little, they asked me why I did good deeds, and at that time, I answered like that to look cool.
But Shihyun took those words to heart. And they lived according to those words… and then died.
It was because of me. Shihyun died because of me.
“So… I’m Shihyun. I’ve changed in appearance… No, not just appearance, a lot of things have changed, but I’m the Shihyun you remembered, Unni.”
I thought they resembled Shihyun. There were times when I wondered how they could resemble Shihyun so much.
But seeing Shihyun say this, I couldn’t figure out how to think about it.
“…I’ve been to another world.”
Normally, I might have gotten angry.
I don’t usually get angry in front of others, but no matter what, if someone touched my memories with Shihyun, I couldn’t help but get upset.
But what Shihyun said… was something I had never said to anyone else.
“Because this is the kind of world it is, it would be nice if we helped each other.”
The day they first said that.
That day, Shihyun remembered it. So vividly.
And because of that, I tried.
Because I wanted to believe.
I wanted to believe that the Shihyun I could never meet again was here in front of me.
Inside me, two people were fighting, rolling around.
One said I should believe Shihyun’s words. Because Shihyun was the one I loved so much, and now, that Shihyun had finally come back to me.
Having been called by God, born again, and coming through all sorts of hardship just to meet me again.
That fact was so chillingly good. Even in that situation, the fact that Shihyun hadn’t forgotten me and wanted to see me again was…
But it was also heartbreaking.
Because in the end, the fact that Shihyun was dead never changed.
The reason this child in front of me, who has a more feminine body than I do, ended up like this is because they died and came back to life.
However, there was also a part of me that interfered with this thought.
Logically, it doesn’t make sense. It’s something that could only happen in a delusion, not in reality.
Kingdoms, nobles, elves, magic, demon lords, heroes.
In truth, it was easy to make up such words. I could easily come up with names for worlds, cities, the wealth between demons, the legends of the demon lord, or names for other characters. I could invent all of that if I wanted to.
The story about my memories with Shihyun was the same.
I never told anyone else about those stories, but maybe Shihyun did. Maybe they were trying to trick me by telling such stories…
…If that’s the case, then what’s the reason for the trick? I asked, leaning toward wanting to believe.
What could they gain by deceiving me?
Someone who lives in a big apartment, who has a lot of wealth, would go out of their way to deceive someone like me, someone with nothing? Spend a whole week working at that bakery, take only one day off, follow me on my volunteer work, and even come to me with stories like this? Why? Just because they liked me?
Wouldn’t there have been other ways?
……
The logic I presented had no answer.
“…I guess you still can’t believe it.”
Shihyun smiled awkwardly.
Is this… an act?
Before thinking about believing or not, if this were an act, then it was so incredibly natural that it would not have seemed out of place even on TV.
And at least from what I had seen of Shihyun in the past three months, they weren’t very good at acting. Their emotions were always clearly visible on their face.
And the Shihyun I knew was the same.
“…”
So, if they were trying to deceive me, this Shihyun in front of me would have searched for a dead person with exactly the same name and come to find someone who had memories with that person, performing flawless acting for three months.
And they would have completely mimicked the behavior of the Shihyun who died five years ago.
…This, too, makes no sense.
So, I…
“…It’s a hard story to believe.”
“Ah…”
At my answer, Shihyun’s expression immediately turned sullen. Honestly, they hadn’t had a very good expression the whole time we were talking.
When they brought up memories of the four of us, they looked a little more comfortable, but the more they spoke, the more they seemed to think about how absurd the story might sound to me.
Would someone who worked so hard to deceive me really make up such a wild story to try to trick me?
No, at least in my mind, it didn’t make sense.
Demon lords, heroes. If they were trying to deceive me, wouldn’t it have been better to invent some kind of new religion? The story Shihyun told wasn’t something that would harm me if I didn’t believe it. There weren’t any threats of going to hell or suffering, for example.
And it wasn’t about money either.
So, I said.
“But, I’ll try to believe.”
“……Oh.”
Shihyun lifted his head at my words. Seeing his eyes wide open, it seemed like he didn’t expect this kind of answer.
I held Shihyun’s hands with both of mine.
Honestly, all the talk about logic and reasons was just something I attached to it.
What I really wanted was to believe in Shihyun, who was in front of me.
I knew it was risky. If it wasn’t really Shihyun, but someone trying to deceive me, it would be, well, a fatal blow to me. I might never be able to get over that wound.
But…
The feeling I’d had for Shihyun from the beginning, that tingling sensation.
Even though he seemed like someone else on the outside, I couldn’t ignore the strange pull I felt. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
…Yeah, in a way, even saying I “believe” might just be another act of attaching a reason to it.
Without even realizing it, I might have fallen for the Shihyun in front of me.
So, maybe that’s why I didn’t care about anything else.
But even so…
“If you really are Shihyun, I’ll be so, so happy.”
Yeah, I really would be.
I felt like the five years I spent remembering him wouldn’t be wasted. It felt like I was finally getting something back for the days when I couldn’t do anything but think of Shihyun.
Throughout my words, Shihyun didn’t blink even once.
He looked at me as though he had turned to stone, like a statue.
I wondered if he was still breathing.
I seriously thought about it for a moment, but seeing Shihyun’s expression, I almost wanted to laugh.
“So, how about this: will you keep proving it to me? So I can keep trusting you.”
I gripped Shihyun’s hand tightly. It was damp. I wasn’t sure if it was sweat from my hand or his.
Slowly, I moved closer to him.
Shihyun’s face filled my vision.
Honestly, no matter how much I looked, it wasn’t the face I knew.
But strangely enough, the expression on it seemed like one Shihyun would make when he was really surprised.
“…”
This time, I held his hand tightly, making sure he wouldn’t run away, and then closed my eyes.
Something soft touched my lips.
It was warm, soft, and fragrant.
When I gently pressed my lips together, I could feel even more clearly how soft and warm Shihyun’s lips were.
For a while, I stayed like that, with my eyes closed, lips pressed against his, before I slowly pulled away.
Shihyun looked at me with slightly wet eyes.
It was my first kiss.
I hoped it was the same for Shihyun too.