“Ah, I see…”
Unfortunately, the explanation I gave to my sister, who had finally mustered the courage to ask, wasn’t very good.
Even though they barely had any memories of their hometown, losing their homeland, or even their country, is a sad thing.
They weren’t raised as citizens of that country, and yet, by keeping a name that reminded them of their homeland under their parents’ influence, it showed that they still tried to hold onto the country in their own way.
At the same time, as Kalia had said, they were also trying to face the reality.
Going any further might be like reopening old wounds.
We don’t have wounds that are completely gone. Of course, it’s not the kind of wound that Kalia described. If we’re being precise, it’s a completely different kind of wound.
But even if part of it is true, hiding the story from my sister still made my conscience hurt a little.
I know. Even if I said it outright, the chances of my sister believing it are slim. That’s why I still can’t explain it directly.
“But, still…”
And it seemed Kalia didn’t like the idea of just keeping everything hidden either.
“Still, I can talk about Shihyun. We’ve spent time together, after all.”
“Really?”
At Kalia’s words, my sister’s expression immediately brightened.
“Yes, we’ll tell you as much as we can!”
Fia said in a lively voice.
Dana and Arna also nodded.
“……..”
Hmm.
So, are they saying they want to talk about my past right in front of me?
Are they going to see me through someone else’s eyes?
Somehow, I had a bad feeling about this.
*
And that feeling turned out to be absolutely right.
Even though it’s my past, I don’t remember everything.
But that doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgotten everything that happened back then. Even if the memories are buried deep at the bottom of my mind, when others start to pull those stories out, one by one, the memories slowly start to resurface.
“Shihyun…”
Did that really happen? Those words didn’t come out. Instead, my sister’s expression was one of “that makes sense,” which made me feel even more embarrassed.
When I first drank alcohol, I reacted more strongly than when I first drank coffee. I was so repulsed, I almost stayed away from it entirely, but later I found out that it seemed like a very childish reaction.
The taste of the first alcohol I ever drank was completely unexpected.
It wasn’t a low-alcohol drink like beer, but a distilled liquor, which was a big factor.
It wasn’t just the bitterness; there was another taste mixed with that bitterness that I really hated. I eventually got used to it after continuing to drink, though.
And after my sister heard that story, she nodded seriously.
“Shihyun really couldn’t handle bitterness.”
“…….”
But hearing my sister say that gave me a feeling that was a little different from simple embarrassment.
It was like hearing words from a sister who had known me for a long time, not the one who had known me for just three months. It felt like words from a sister who had known me since childhood.
“Yeah. Shihyun was like that.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. It makes sense that he’d react that way.”
“Really? Shihyun?”
Sometimes, when she looked at me with a smile, she would say things like that… Of course, this might have just been my imagination, but it almost felt like she remembered me.
Calm down. It makes sense for her to speak like that. After all, I’m still me. The only thing that changed was my appearance, not what’s inside. My habits may have changed or disappeared, and my attitude might have shifted a little, but I can’t completely change what I like or dislike, or just throw away old habits.
And since I still have almost the same traits and habits as the old me, my sister must have felt that deeply over the last three months as she got to know me.
But…………
As I spent time sitting next to my sister, I found myself slowly getting drawn into her reactions.
Was this perhaps my friends being considerate of me? As the conversation continued, the way my friends and sister talked about “Shihyun” felt less like it was about the current me, and more like it was about someone from my past.
Of course, my sister didn’t talk about my past directly; she was just listening and chiming in.
I’ve returned.
The place I’m in now is not the neighborhood where I lived before I went to Erellisia. The land and buildings here were so expensive, comparing them to where I lived would be almost impossible.
It was much higher up, and the house was much larger than the one I lived in.
But still…
As I listened to my sister and friends talk, I finally felt like I had “come back.”
There was still a long way to go. I hadn’t even properly met my mom to introduce myself. I hadn’t even had a proper conversation with my sister.
But even so, I felt this sense of hope.
I had this feeling that, someday, everything would work out.
As I heard my sister and friends laughing, I found myself laughing along without even realizing it.
But I wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said because my mind was elsewhere.
*
“Everyone’s so nice.”
After eating and drinking well into the night, we decided it was time to get ready for bed.
My sister decided to stay here and go to work with me in the morning. After all, it was too late for her to head back now. The last train hadn’t left yet, but I knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting her leave at this hour.
“Yeah, they’re good people.”
At my words, my sister chuckled.
I had bought a lot of alcohol, but this time, I didn’t drink enough to get drunk. Maybe it was because I drank slowly over a long period of time. Even so, my sister had no trouble talking with my friends until the end of the night.
“Right, but—”
My sister seemed to want to say something but suddenly closed her mouth.
“Huh?”
“Ah, never mind. It’s nothing.”
She shook her head and awkwardly smiled.
Did I do something wrong?
For a moment, I felt an anxious twinge, but my sister’s smile was already completely natural.
“Do you want to shower first?”
“Ah.”
When she said that, my brain froze. The conversation we were having just a moment ago completely slipped out of my mind.
Of course, my sister was supposed to sleep in my room. When I suggested sleeping on the living room sofa, she gave me a serious look and stopped me. How could I, the host, chase a guest out of their room?
She also made the argument that since we’re both the same gender, it shouldn’t be a problem to sleep in the same room for just one night.
…I did think that her argument seemed a bit off. My friends were watching us with expressions that clearly showed they found it a bit awkward.
And besides, both my sister and I knew there were “romantic feelings” between us. Yet she still made that claim well, I knew she didn’t mean it in that way.
Anyway, after drinking, my sister was feeling a lot bolder. The effect of the “courage potion” a.k.a. Alcohol was in full force. She was so firm in her stance that I had no choice but to take a step back.
“Ah, no, you go first.”
When I said that, my sister nodded.
“Okay, I’ll go first.”
Before drinking, my sister had always been a little shy and overthinking, but now, she seemed totally at ease.
With a clear answer, my sister walked into the shower.
Soon, I heard the sound of clothes brushing against skin. Then, a soft thud as something fell to the floor. The shower was separated from the room and living room by only a thin door, so I could hear everything.
“……..”
I tried hard not to pay attention to the sounds, focusing instead on anything else.
*
Sure, the people living with Shihyun were all good people. Enough that I didn’t need to worry about Shihyun.
But…
They were definitely hiding something.
I’m not sure if it’s something negative or positive for Shihyun, or if Shihyun knows about it or not.
Even though Shihyun and their friends have known each other for a long time… the stories they tell about Shihyun’s past are limited to the last few years.
Still, I felt like some of the doubts… might be cleared up.
A country lost in a civil war. I never heard its name, but if they were people who escaped from such a place, and if Shihyun was one of them… in that case, it was strange that they had a house like this. But that wasn’t the important part.
Maybe I could explain why Shihyun carries a knife in their bag, and why they carry emergency food and water.
And if I think about the stories of ‘bad people’ too—
“…Huff.”
My heart pounded uncomfortably.
I did feel like I was getting closer to the truth, but why did I feel like I didn’t want to get any closer?
Swish—
As warm water poured down from the shower, I thought to myself.
…Should I ask today?
What if I accidentally bring up some past trauma and cause a problem?
Feeling the water slowly soak my body from head to toe, I still couldn’t decide what to do.