I decided not to ask anything.
Why did Shihyun have something like that? If so, had they been carrying it all this time?
What kind of past did Shihyun have that made them unable to stop carrying that item around?
It’s not that I wasn’t curious.
In fact, I was really curious. Our relationship was still unclear, and maybe we’d need to spend a lot of time together before we could share everything. Maybe that day would never come.
There was a lot I had to overcome. It wasn’t just about pretending to be lovers on the outside, but I had to properly overcome my past for our relationship to be truly complete.
Honestly, even I thought this was a bit strange.
Just a few months ago, I couldn’t forget Shihyun at all.
I never thought my looks were anything special compared to others. But I knew that there were people who were attracted to me.
In the past few years, there were men who spoke to me. Some subtly showed interest, tried to have casual conversations, or acted like they wanted my contact information.
I rejected all of them.
And all those memories were because of Shihyun.
So, why did my feelings shift so suddenly after meeting Shihyun?
How was I able to be so impulsive and always be around Shihyun?
I didn’t forget the Shihyun in my memory. If I had, I wouldn’t have seen Shihyun in everything.
It wasn’t that I was attracted to women either. There are people who don’t care about gender in their relationships, but I never thought I was one of those people.
“Sis.”
As I was lost in my thoughts, Shihyun called out to me.
The movie theater was quieter than expected. It was probably obvious. If we started watching now, it would be close to the exact time. Plus, since today was Sunday, it wasn’t the best time for people who had to go to work tomorrow.
I had randomly suggested going to the movies because I didn’t want to waste next Wednesday, but now I realized that Shihyun could be upset about it.
“It’s the original, so it’s okay, right?”
“Huh?”
I blinked at Shihyun’s words.
Then Shihyun showed me a bucket of popcorn. It was quite large. Movie theater popcorn was usually pretty expensive.
Shihyun had skillfully hooked the popcorn on their arm and was holding a cup of cola in each hand. It seemed like they had bought it while I was sitting absentmindedly before entering the theater.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t say anything first…”
Saying that, I pulled out my smartphone from my pocket. No matter what, it didn’t feel right for me to let Shihyun, who was four years younger than me, pay for everything.
…Well, considering Shihyun’s neighborhood, maybe it wasn’t that difficult for them to buy.
Still…For me, who still saw Shihyun through the lens of my first love, it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t just about age. Shihyun had crossed my mind. Back then, Shihyun lived with their mom in a semi-basement. They wanted to get into a good university, find a good job, and make their mom’s life better.
Looking back now, I realized that Shihyun didn’t often talk about their dreams. They didn’t say they wanted to be rich, but it seemed like their goal was more about climbing up in reality than pursuing a dream. This was likely because they grew up watching their mom struggle.
And maybe, in some way, I was included in that.
What I could give Shihyun wasn’t much, but it seemed like Shihyun kept that in their heart.
I can’t say I earn a lot, but I was making money, and that was why I was able to give gifts.
Shihyun remembered all of it. Sometimes, when I tried to do something for them, they’d say, “You’ve already done this before… it’s okay…” and apologize.
“No, it’s fine.”
I hadn’t said anything yet, I had just pulled out my smartphone, but Shihyun seemed to know what I was about to do.
“Huh?”
“This movie is thanks to you, right? I didn’t pay a single penny, so I’m just buying something to eat.”
“No, I didn’t pay either.”
I hadn’t bought the movie tickets with my own money; it was a gift from Yu-ri. That was just this morning, and Shihyun had seen that, so they definitely knew that.
“But it was yours, and you spent it on me.”
“…….”
It’s not a big deal.
Whenever Shihyun looked a bit uneasy after receiving a gift, I would say that.
But, actually, it was a big deal. I bought it because I could, and I had spent my savings on it. If I had a few more thousand won left over from that day, I would’ve felt more at ease. Yeah, if you only looked at the amount, it wasn’t much.
But still, I did it because I wanted to.
I liked that Shihyun was happy to receive the gift. I liked hearing them thank me.
I liked that they smiled happily, even though they blushed a bit in embarrassment.
At that moment, it felt like I was much bigger than Shihyun, like I had become a real adult. It made me happy.
…Maybe, I was hoping for it. Maybe, one day, after Shihyun grew up, they would keep their promise and give me a gift too, just like they’d said every time they received one.
“Here.”
Shihyun handed me a cola. It was in a large paper cup. When I took it, my hand got wet. The cup was filled with ice, so the water must have been dripping from the outside.
The coldness reminded me that I wasn’t dreaming.
Slowly, my dazed mind started to return to reality. The sound of music from the theater filled my ears, and I could hear the previews of movies playing on the TV above the ticket counter.
There weren’t many people, but there were still some, so I could hear conversations here and there.
I saw Shihyun’s smiling face.
They were holding a drink with their right hand and a large two-person popcorn bucket with their left arm. Their face was beaming with a big smile.
Just a moment ago, before we came here, that face was full of worry. It was probably because they didn’t know how I would react when I saw the folding knife in their bag.
Once I didn’t ask anything and put the knife back in their bag, Shihyun’s face had been relaxed like that ever since.
“Thank you.”
“No, it’s nothing.”
Shihyun shook their head at my words.
“I’ve received so much already… please think of this as me paying you back little by little.”
“……”
Those words sounded like they were coming from the past.
“Ticket for Theater 1, please!”
While I was still hesitating, not sure what to answer, a theater staff member shouted that.
Shihyun turned to look at them.
Guess it’s time to go.
I stood up and walked over to stand next to Shihyun.
Shihyun wasn’t exactly the same as the Shihyun I used to know, but she was a bit taller than me.
She was someone who didn’t resemble the person from my past at all, yet strangely, she made me recall that past.
Ever since I met Shihyun, I’ve been feeling like the everyday life of those old days continues on, even after five years.
I knew that Shihyun’s past was different from the one I knew, and I also understood that the reason she liked me had nothing to do with that past.
Shihyun is Shihyun.
I thought I would love her for who she was. I was determined to move on from the past.
But—
“Sis, shall we go?”
Shihyun said that and looked at me.
She had an expression that seemed like she didn’t know what to do, just because she was so happy to be with me.
It was definitely the same expression I remembered from Shihyun.
I’m sure, someday, that will happen.
But even so, the reason Shihyun and I could end up together was because of the memories of the past.
It was thanks to those precious memories I never wanted to forget.
So.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Instead of forcing myself to forget, instead of only accepting the present and repeatedly telling myself that Shihyun is different, I want to take a little more time, slowly. I want to embrace the present.
The reason I developed feelings for Shihyun isn’t just because she’s pretty, or because I can like a girl.
After meeting Shihyun, the time that had been frozen for five years started to flow again.
…Yeah, I think I understand now.
The time spent laughing, walking, working, and talking together was so enjoyable.
It felt like I was slowly paying back all that Shihyun had given me.
That’s why I wanted to stay by her side.
Beyond the present, I wanted to continue into the future, always, together.
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