I thought I wouldn’t be able to focus at all if I went to the movie theater with my sister, but that wasn’t the case.
I hadn’t given it much thought and just agreed to watch the movie she picked, but it turned out to be surprisingly decent. It wasn’t some big-budget blockbuster, but it was a lighthearted Korean film that we could just sit back and enjoy with a laugh.
‘Ah, some things really don’t change so easily.’
The two of us didn’t talk much. If we leaned in close and whispered, we probably could’ve heard each other, but… doing that in a movie theater felt a little embarrassing.
When I glanced at her, she was simply watching the movie with a relaxed expression. She never once asked me about what had happened earlier. I was really grateful for that.
Someday… maybe someday, I’ll be able to talk about it. But for now, I didn’t think it was something I could bring up.
A few times, our hands brushed while reaching for the popcorn. But, unlike in movies, we didn’t end up holding hands or anything. I didn’t know how she felt about it, but for me… it was a little awkward.
The grease from the popcorn must have gotten on my fingers, and if we held hands, she’d feel it too. I don’t know… it just felt like it would ruin the mood.
We had been going on dates continuously from last week up until today, yet it still felt like there was a long way to go. Well, neither of us really thought of our relationship as ‘dating’ in the traditional sense. It wasn’t something that could be explained so simply….it was more complicated than that.
Still, I was relieved that she looked comfortable with me by her side.
I didn’t know if I could ever fully reclaim the past, but for now, that comfort was enough to remind me of the time we had shared.
*
When we stepped outside after the movie ended, the building had grown noticeably darker.
There were still more screenings left that night, so the movie theater’s lights remained on, but other stores in the building like clothing shops had already closed.
Even as we took the elevator down, we didn’t say much.
The number of people coming out of the same screening as us was enough to fill the elevator. Pressed into a corner, we held hands tightly.
Even with people around us watching, this much should be fine… right?
As I was thinking that, the doors opened.
“Sorry.”
We had been walking outside for a while when she suddenly spoke.
“Huh?”
Caught off guard by her unexpected apology, my voice came out a little off. She lowered her voice and continued.
“Yesterday too, and today as well… I made you stay out so late.”
Hmm.
It was true by the time I got home after taking the subway, it would already be past midnight. Thankfully, it wasn’t late enough to miss the last train.
Well, even if I did miss it, I could always take a taxi. That wasn’t something I would have considered in the past, but now, I had the means to do so.
“It’s okay.”
But I knew that wasn’t what she meant.
She wasn’t talking about the logistics—she was worried I’d be exhausted.
Since she lived nearby, she could go home and rest right away. She might have to wake up earlier than me to open the bakery, but at least she didn’t have to take the subway every night. Compared to me, who still had a commute ahead, she had it easier.
Still, I didn’t want her to dwell on that.
Because I liked this time we were spending together.
Actually, in my heart, I wanted to stay up all night with her.
But if we did that, I might be fine, but she would end up exhausted.
Sleeping together… that’s still not an option.
Ever since I started living with my comrades, those episodes had lessened and the intervals had grown longer.
But I still woke up irregularly at night, trembling in fear.
I didn’t want her to see me like that.
…Honestly, even though I want to be with her, there’s so much I keep hidden.
Well, it’s fine.
Staying up a little late won’t make me so tired that it affects the next day.
And when I get home, my comrades, who are still awake, will be waiting for me.
“No, but still…”
She was still holding my hand tightly. Then, she turned to face me and took my other hand as well.
“Even so, if we keep spending time like this until late at night, you’re bound to get tired.”
“……”
This time, her words were firmer.
She must be that worried about me.
I was grateful for her concern, but…
“So, what I mean is.”
“Yes.”
For a moment, I worried that she might be about to suggest we cut back on this kind of thing.
My heart tensed slightly.
“Next time… would it be okay if I visited your neighborhood?”
“…Huh?”
Her words were completely different from what I had expected.
Seeing me blink in surprise, she suddenly started to lose confidence.
“Ah, um, n-no, forget it. If you don’t want me to, that’s fine.”
“N-No!”
Before she could take back what she said, I quickly responded.
“No, it’s fine. Really.”
To be honest, I didn’t know all that much about my neighborhood.
If I were being completely honest…
It seemed like the kind of place where wealthy people lived, but at the same time, it didn’t feel like it had any particular charm.
There wasn’t an old market nearby, nor were there any famous local restaurants.
Most of the food places were franchise chains, fast food spots, or just convenience stores and big supermarkets.
There were clothing stores, but nothing particularly distinctive… and most of them carried high-end brands that felt too expensive to even step into.
Basically, if you picked any random spot in Seoul, it would probably look similar.
The only places that stood out were the ones that were ridiculously expensive.
…Not that I couldn’t afford to take her to those places.
In fact, if I could take her around and treat her to things, I’d be more than happy.
But she would probably feel uncomfortable about that.
And if I wasn’t careful, it might even make her feel distant from me.
That was why I hadn’t invited her to my place yet…
“……”
No.
If I just kept hiding things like this, there would be no end to it.
There were already so many things I hadn’t told her.
Honestly, I wanted to just tell her that I was Shihyun.
I wanted to throw myself into her arms and tell her everything I had been through over the past five years.
I wanted to laugh and cry together with her.
But… I wasn’t ready for that yet.
I still wasn’t sure if I should tell her one day or keep it a secret forever.
So, instead, I would start with the easier things.
Little by little, I would reveal things to her, gradually growing closer…
Until, someday, I could finally tell her everything.
“Let’s go together sometime.”
When I answered with a smile, her face immediately lit up.
“But… would that really be okay? If I go to your neighborhood and then head back, it’ll take way longer than when you just come here to hang out.”
She had a point.
If I just stayed around here for a bit and then went home, I only had to consider my own travel time.
But if she came to my neighborhood after work, it would be a different story we’d have to factor in the time it took for her to get there as well.
“Ah, that’s…”
She glanced around, thinking for a moment. Then, after some hesitation, she looked up at me and said,
“Well, if it really comes down to it… would it be okay if I, um, stayed over at your place? I wouldn’t come empty-handed, of course.”
She lowered her head slightly while looking up at me, and her expression was so beautiful that… for a brief moment, I completely missed the implications of what she had just said.
“Oh! Uh, yeah! That works!”
It wasn’t until after I blurted that out that it hit me.
Wait.
Doesn’t that mean we’d be sleeping in the same place?
We’re not even dating yet would that really be okay?
“You mentioned that you live with your friends, right? I’ll make sure not to be a bother.”
Hearing her say that, I finally felt relieved.
Right. I lived with my friends four of them, in fact.
Ah, that’s right.
That actually made things easier.
That meant… there was no chance of anything weird happening.
Not that I’d do anything weird, of course.
I trusted her, and I trusted myself……..I wasn’t that lacking in self-control.
If anything, this might be a great opportunity for her to get to know my friends.
That way, when she visited the bakery in the future, things wouldn’t feel awkward.
“It’s totally fine! You wouldn’t be a bother at all.”
When I reassured her with a smile, she finally relaxed and gave a small, bashful laugh.
She might really come over to my place.
And maybe… just maybe, she might even stay the night.
I told myself that it wasn’t going to happen.
That there was no reason to think that way.
But still…….despite my rational thoughts my heart pounded loudly in my chest.