What do you think my sister thought when she saw a folding knife fall out of my bag?
It’s not just the knife. You can carry water or a calorie bar with you. But if there’s a lighter too…
People who carry lighters are usually smokers. Honestly, there aren’t many other reasons to carry one. Even if you’re going camping, you’d probably bring a portable stove instead of a lighter.
There weren’t any cigarettes in my bag, but there was a lighter and a folding knife.
What did my sister think when she saw that?
Of course, it’s not weird for an adult to smoke. Some people might think it’s not good, but as long as you’re polite and don’t smoke everywhere, no one can really say anything.
I don’t have any tattoos, but these days, people’s dislike of tattoos is much less. Sure, there are still a lot of people who don’t like them, but…
But a knife? That’s a different story.
No matter what, carrying a knife in your bag makes you look suspicious. Unless something is wrong with your mentality… It’s not like in the U.S., where carrying a gun is normal just because it’s legal. A knife is the same. Unless you need it for your job, carrying one around is weird.
And for me, saying there’s something wrong with my mentality isn’t entirely untrue. The problem is, I don’t know how to explain it.
How could I say I can’t go outside without a small knife because it makes me feel anxious? How could I explain that it’s because I fought the Demon King?
“Sorry, sorry…”
Gayoung apologized again in a small voice.
Was my face that stiff while she was putting the items back in my bag? If so, I must have made her feel bad. I think Gayoung thought I was mad because I dropped the bag.
Honestly, it was my fault for carrying something that could be misunderstood. If I had just told her beforehand, I wouldn’t feel so awkward like this now.
“No, it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes.”
I tried to smile a little forcefully, and Gayoung seemed a bit relieved. Though, she didn’t seem completely at ease. Even though I tried to smile, the word ‘forcefully’ made it clear it wasn’t a completely natural smile.
When I picked up my bag and stood up, Gayoung followed suit.
“It’s not broken or anything. It’s really fine.”
I tried to smile again. This time, my face relaxed a bit. After seeing my second attempt at a smile, Gayoung let out a small sigh.
“I’ll be more careful next time…”
Seeing Gayoung bow her head like that made me laugh bitterly.
Well, she was still a minor, not even a fresh employee yet. It’s not surprising she hadn’t experienced real work.
When I first started working, I got scolded a lot. It was a dangerous job, and even without the weapon in my hand, one moment of carelessness could cost me my life on the battlefield.
Moreover, with the sword I wield, not only my life but also my comrades’ lives and the outcome of the war were at stake.
Kalia, who taught me, would scold me harshly whenever I made a mistake. But I knew she didn’t do it because she disliked me. After every sparring, she’d apologize for scolding me.
But this isn’t a battlefield where lives are on the line. It’s just dropping a bag. Scolding someone that much over it seems a bit excessive.
“No, it’s really fine. You don’t need to apologize anymore.”
So I told Gayoung that once again.
…Really, I’m feeling competitive with someone like her? I guess I still haven’t fully grown up. No, I’m still in my 20s, so it’s not that surprising.
It’s funny just thinking about how I see myself like this.
*
It wasn’t a huge mistake, but maybe the fact that I made such a mistake was a bit embarrassing. As soon as we got outside the store, Gayoung apologized again and ran off.
Maybe she felt even more embarrassed because she came out on Sunday to help and ended up making a mistake.
When I saw Gayoung apologizing to Shihyun, I thought about stepping in to help, but Shihyun’s face looked more tense than I expected, so I didn’t want to interfere.
…Did Shihyun also feel like the things in her bag weren’t ordinary items?
The knife that came out of Shihyun’s bag… was in my pocket.
It wasn’t that big. I wasn’t sure, but even if the folded blade was the same length as the handle, it seemed like it would be shorter than my finger.
If we just consider the blade’s length, it was probably much shorter than a common utility knife.
So, maybe it’s not that strange to be surprised by a knife of this size.
Maybe it’s not strange… but why is it bothering me so much?
Would I have reacted this way if a cutter knife or scissors had come out of Shihyun’s bag instead? Is it because it was a folding knife that came out of the bag that I’m so tense?
And, on top of that, I had missed the timing to return the knife and was walking next to Shihyun.
“….”
Shihyun didn’t say anything about the knife. She must have seen me pick it up and put it in my pocket, but she didn’t say anything.
If Shihyun had asked me about it first, I would have returned the knife as naturally as possible.
Could it be that Shihyun is just as confused as I am?
…If she’s confused, there’s only one reason, right?
I absentmindedly placed my hand over my pants. The shape of the knife, sticking out of my pocket, made its presence known.
Why am I carrying this?
Why do I even have it with me?
If it had come out of a hiking bag, or even just a backpack, I might have understood it more easily.
Besides, that bag also had water and food in it. It wasn’t just a snack like gum, candy, or chips, but a calorie bar that could quickly fill an empty stomach.
Sure, it could be eaten as a snack, but considering the lighter and knife that were with it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t just there for a snack.
Was it strange to think of the ‘bad person’ Shihyun had mentioned last time? Was that a stretch?
Shihyun said she had dealt with that ‘bad person’ with her friends.
How did she deal with them?
The more I thought about the knife in my pocket, the more my thoughts started going in a strange direction.
Thoughts about the bad person, about living with Shihyun and her friends, mixed with the emotions I felt when I first saw them, and my imagination started heading down an absurd path.
“Hey, Shihyun.”
“Yes?”
Shihyun answered immediately when I called her.
I looked around.
There were quite a few people, but no one seemed to be paying attention to us. In fact, with so many people around, I thought maybe it would be fine.
I quickly reached into my pocket and grabbed the knife. It wasn’t very big, but even when it was folded, the back of the blade that stuck out of the handle gave me a cold feeling when I touched it.
I took out the knife and placed it inside Shihyun’s bag.
Phew.
I exhaled softly.
It seemed like I was getting nervous over something trivial, but at least with that, I could take a breath.
“……Thank you.”
Shihyun spoke softly.
It was hard to tell whether she was thanking me for returning the knife or for hiding it in front of Ga-young earlier.
Maybe it was a response to both.
“…….”
I wanted to answer her somehow.
But I was afraid that if I opened my mouth carelessly, I might hurt Shihyun more.
I didn’t know where her wound was. So, I didn’t know when or how she got it, or how much it had healed, so I couldn’t bring myself to get closer.
And because of that, I felt it so strongly.
Shihyun…
I see.
Shihyun isn’t Shihyun.
She is a different person from the Shihyun I remember.
It’s natural. After all, even her gender and age are different. If I stayed still, it would be hard to find any resemblance. Even if I tried to say something resembled her, it would just be because they are both human.
The reason I saw Shihyun as Shihyun was because of her habits, actions, and expressions.
She’s different. A different person.
But still, the tenderness deep in my heart hasn’t disappeared.
I feel guilty about that. Even though I have feelings for Shihyun, I’m also carrying similar feelings for her.
In a way, that could be called a desire. For both Shihyun and her.
But at the same time—
—a little hope appeared.
I realized that I could love Shihyun, truly as Shihyun.
So, I felt a little happy.
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