Chapter 68:You never came (8)

The place Yuri led me to was a café I’d never been to before.  

Of course, the atmosphere of the café itself felt familiar soft, warm lighting and clean interior décor. It was, in many ways, just Yuri’s style.  

I wasn’t sure if she brought me here because it was somewhere she often visited or if she deliberately chose a place I hadn’t been to before.  

We each ordered a cup of coffee and sat down.  

There were already other customers around. The mixed aroma of their coffee orders filled the air, but it wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, the scent itself was quite nice.  

“……”  

Yuri took a sip of her coffee and fell into thought.  

She didn’t even try to hide it. Showing her concern so openly was just Yuri’s habit. In truth, she had never hidden her feelings from me. She always showed her thoughts just as they were—honestly and directly.  

Right now, Yuri seemed to be deciding where to start the conversation.  

“… So, about Shihyun.” 

“Yeah.”  

I had no intention of making excuses.  

“…You’re seeing Shihyun in her, aren’t you?”  

“……”  

I fell silent for a moment.  

It was something I had already denied once before. But if Yuri had felt the need to meet me separately to bring it up again, it meant she had clearly noticed my attitude.  

Perhaps she took my silence as confirmation. Yuri pressed her lips together before speaking slowly.  

“It’s fine that you’ve started liking her. Really, it’s a good thing as a friend. At least you’ve become more vibrant than before. Honestly, I feel like I can finally breathe a bit easier.”  

Unexpectedly, Yuri’s first words weren’t about worrying over me.  

When I looked at her with a slightly surprised expression, Yuri shrugged her shoulders and said,  

“What? Did you think I’d tell you to stay away from her?”  

I hadn’t thought that far. But I had expected her to try to persuade me a little. That they were different people. One’s a man, the other’s a woman, and… there were so many other differences. Even the neighborhoods they lived in were worlds apart.  

I knew Shihyun’s address, at least. Even just hearing the subway station made it obvious it was an expensive area.  

Their lives were undoubtedly different from ours.  

Of course, Yuri didn’t know all of this yet. She only learned where I really lived after he passed away.  

I still couldn’t forget Yuri’s face when she realized my mother was struggling and came over, trying to help in any way she could.  

I knew she hadn’t done it with bad intentions. If anything, it was out of kindness.  

… But she probably wouldn’t understand. Not fully. Not now or ever. The way Yuri and I had lived our lives was just too different.  

How she managed to find my address and showed up unannounced at our home walking into the semi-basement apartment where my mother and Shihyun had lived her stunned, wide-eyed expression as she momentarily forgot to control her face… that was something I’d never forget.  

By some unfortunate stroke of no luck, it was truly “misfortune” masked as “luck” my mother had been crying at the time, so she didn’t see Yuri’s reaction.  

But even after seeing something like that, one moment of shock doesn’t completely change someone’s thoughts or their way of life.  

Yuri, after that day, still hadn’t experienced most of what an average person in my position would go through.  

And that’s not a bad thing. Just because I lived a certain way doesn’t mean she had to, too. It’s not like misery loves company, or that I wanted her to suffer as I had. Those were thoughts I refused to entertain.  

What I mean is, Yuri isn’t the kind of person who imagines how the people living near a subway station might live, just from hearing its name.  

She has always lived without lacking anything, without any wrinkles in her life, so she doesn’t know how to differentiate between people. She always treats everyone as if they’re exactly the same as her.  

And that kindness of hers, at times, felt unbearably cruel.  

But no friendship exists without causing any hurt. I had hurt Yuri too.  

We were simply living, supporting each other as best we could.  

“Could you do that if I told you to?”  

“……”  

I couldn’t find an answer to give.  

I mulled over her question.  

What would it be like without Shihyun?  

……Probably, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’d just keep living the way I always had.  

I didn’t feel like I was deeply reliant on Shihyun. I liked having her around, sure. I even thought it would be nice if I could see her for a long time. But if she left… if that had to happen, then I’d think of it as the kind of bond that wasn’t meant to last.  

Even if I found comfort in Shihyun, she wasn’t the same Shihyun I once knew.  

That didn’t mean I wanted to push her away or treat her differently. But I knew that clinging to her would only be a burden on her.  

But… if I were asked outright to let her go unilaterally demanded to sever the connection, could I actually follow through with that?  

“I told you, didn’t I? You’ve been looking good lately. I meant it. Yeah, if it’s between living like a machine and having someone who gives you life, then you should have that person around.  

It’s just… it’s a little disappointing that it’s not me.  

But still, if that Shihyun can help you, then I welcome her. I’ve talked to her a few times, and she really does seem like a good person. You know I’m good at reading people.”  

At those words, I couldn’t help but smile a little.  

Yuri really did have a good eye for people. She was always surrounded by good ones, after all.  

“But… like I said before, that person isn’t Shihyun.”  

“……huh.”  

Finally, I managed to respond with a single word.  

“I know.”  

“No, you don’t.”  

At my reply, Yuri spoke firmly.  

“Have you ever told her about Shihyun?”  

“…No.”  

I shook my head.  

I hadn’t. No, I couldn’t.  

How could I say, ‘I used to like someone who had the same name as you.’  

How could anyone say something like that?  

“I’m not saying you need to bring up the name… well, I guess the name is the biggest issue. It’s the most obvious thing.  

But still, if you’re leaning on her because of that reason… then the person beside you, Shihyun, deserves to know.”  

“…..”  

Maybe she was right.  

If one day, after becoming much closer, she learned the truth later on…  

It’s not like I had romantic feelings for Shihyun. Of course, Shihyun wouldn’t feel that way either.  

I mean… we’re both women, aren’t we?  

If someone working alongside her, a same-sex colleague, was clinging to her just because her name was similar to someone they used to like… how would she react if she found out?  

…Maybe if Shihyun were a man instead.  

“……”  

No, that’s not it either.

It would’ve been even harder for me to bear if that had been the case.  

“It’s not just bad for Shihyun, it’ll be worse for you.”  

“……”  

I had a feeling I knew what Yuri was thinking.  

“I’m not saying you should go and tell her everything right now. Just… start by slowly sharing your story and finding a way to connect with her. There’s no guarantee that Shihyun will understand everything. But even so.”  

Even so, it would hurt less if the relationship fell apart later.  

I guessed at the rest of Yuri’s unspoken thoughts. That was probably what she was implying.  

“……”  

But even after grasping her meaning, I couldn’t bring myself to respond.  

“…Hah.”  

Yuri let out a sigh and set her coffee cup down with a thud.  

“It would’ve been better if all of it had just healed by now.”  

“……”  

“I’m sorry. I know how painful it is to talk about those memories. I know, but…”  

Yuri ran a hand down her face.  

“But still, no matter how much it hurts…”  

“Yuri…”  

Yuri had spent a lot of time talking with Shihyun too.  

Unlike me, who harbored complicated feelings toward Shihyun, Yuri treated her like a true younger brother. Honestly, knowing Yuri’s perceptiveness, she must have realized what I thought about Shihyun from the very beginning. Even Hyunseung had been certain of it at some point.  

Yuri cried as much as I did that day.  

She vented the rage I couldn’t express, crying and shouting on my behalf.  

“It’s okay to talk about it. I’m much better now… and the doctor said it’s healthier to share the pain.”  

“…..”  

Yuri was silent for a long time before finally forcing herself to speak.  

“That girl. Have you seen her since then?”  

“……”  

Ah, I see.  

Yuri still couldn’t let it go.  

That day, the truck driver came to the funeral home and knelt in apology.  

The company shifted the blame.  

Reporters swarmed the place. Wreaths from people we didn’t know flooded in.  

Yuri had been furious.  

At the truck driver, at the transport company’s employees who tried to avoid responsibility, at the reporters who barged in and flashed their cameras. She sent all the wreaths back and physically pushed the reporters out, screaming at them.  

But the person she was angriest with wasn’t there.  

It was precisely because that person didn’t show up that she was so angry.  

“That girl. She hasn’t come back even once since then.”  

I searched for the right words for a long time but could only respond the same way Yuri had, as if squeezing the words out.  

“…She was just a kid too.”