It was a day when winter hadn’t completely passed, so the weather was still a bit chilly.
The snow that had fallen not long ago lingered in small patches of shadowed spaces between buildings, and the trees lining the streets remained bare.
It seemed like it would still be a while before new leaves would sprout.
Still, it wasn’t cold enough to be considered the depths of winter anymore.
In about a month, graduation season would arrive for middle school, high school, and university alike.
Naturally, Shihyun’s graduation was also coming up soon.
Since becoming a university student, I’d realized something: being a college student didn’t quite mean you were fully an adult.
Not just because you weren’t earning money yet, but more so… how should I put it? It felt like I still hadn’t entirely shed my high school self.
Even though I’d been in college for three years, I didn’t feel like anything major had changed.
I’d tried working part-time jobs, earned money, and even treated my mom and Shihyun to some nice meals with it. For a moment, it felt like I’d become an adult.
But… there were still so many things left to do to truly grow up.
Midterms and finals were still on the horizon, and starting this year, I’d need to seriously focus on job hunting. It would be great if I could secure a job before graduation.
Still, I was sure this year would be a joyful one.
Shihyun had been accepted to the same university as me.
We weren’t in the same department, though. But… as a senior, I had more free time this year. Even my first semester schedule had plenty of gaps.
Of course, I’d need to spend most of that time studying for certification exams or preparing for interviews. But I wouldn’t be completely unable to make time for Shihyun.
Besides, Shihyun was turning 20 this year, officially an adult, which meant there were more things we could do together.
Maybe we could meet up on Friday evenings and hang out until Saturday. Well, as long as I got Mom’s permission first.
This was the first time Shihyun and I would be on the same stage of life.
A three-year age gap could be considered big or small, depending on how you looked at it. We couldn’t have overlapped in middle or high school. But now, for one fleeting year, our time in college would align perfectly.
We could go out together not just hang around Seoul, but maybe even plan a trip somewhere farther away. We could spend the night in the same room, maybe even share a light drink. And perhaps, just maybe…
“……”
As I was lost in these thoughts, Yuri gave me a look like I was the most pathetic person she’d ever seen.
Resting her chin on her hand, she stared blankly at me from across the table in the café we always went to.
“So, you’re saying you two *still* aren’t dating?”
“Yeah.”
When I replied with a barely suppressed laugh, Yuri dragged her hand down her face.
“You’ve known each other forever. Since Shihyun was in elementary school, right?”
“Yeah…”
“You’ve been holding hands everywhere, always sticking together whenever you go out.”
“It wasn’t that much…”
Of course, since Yuri and Shihyun got acquainted, I’d been bringing Shihyun along a lot more often. We had held hands, too.
But that was just something we’d done since we were little—it had carried on naturally until now.
Not that it meant I didn’t like Shihyun.
And, as expected, Yuri completely ignored my feeble excuse.
“If you collected all the sweetness you two have dropped while walking around together, you’d have enough honey to run a bee farm for a year, you know that? Everyone in your department already thinks you have a boyfriend.”
“…What?”
“Come on. Shihyun waits for you in front of the school gate every day after classes. How could people not know? Maybe at the beginning of your freshman year they didn’t, but now? After three years of this? Three whole years! And now you’re going to spend a whole year on campus together? And you’re saying you’re still not dating?”
“Well, I don’t think you should stick around for the whole year, though. You have a lot of lectures to take freshman year, and if you miss them, you’ll suffer later.”
“So you’re not going to stick around? I’m betting on my car, you’re going to wait until Shi Hyun finishes her lecture to go out with her, and then you’re going to stay in and study and wait anxiously at the entrance of the building for ten minutes before it ends.”
“Well, that’s not exactly……”
But I can’t completely deny it. I’m pretty sure I’m going to get caught by Yuri at some point and hear him say
“See! I told you so! See! I told you it would happen!”
“No, how does it make sense that they’re not dating if one of them never confessed in the first place, how does it make sense that they’ve been together for so long that neither of them is even aware that they’re dating.
Don’t they both have degrees of innocence, and even then, don’t they realize it by the time they’re in high school?”
“No, no matter how you say it…………….”
Again, three years is a small age difference, but it seems like a lot.
I feel it especially intensely as a student.
When I was in the first grade of middle school, Shihyeon was in the fourth grade of elementary school.
If I were a year younger and a sixth grader and a fourth grader were dating, I would think it was cute, but if a middle schooler and an elementary schooler were dating, it would be very strange.
It’s a horrible world where you hear about middle school students sexually assaulting elementary school students on the news.
No matter how healthy your relationship is, someone is going to look at you differently.
And this formula applies to middle schoolers and high schoolers, as well as high schoolers and college students.
Yes, if we were only a year apart, I would have been able to say, “But we’re still two years apart!” in front of everyone.
The problem is that whenever I move to a higher school, Shihyun is always a “first grader” at the lower school.
I’m too shy to admit it.
….Of course, it might seem like I’m just making excuses because I’m scared.
“…..”
Hearing my ambiguous explanation or excuse, Yuri stood stunned for a moment, open-mouthed.
“You call that an excuse?”
And when he finally managed to move his mouth to speak, the words that came out of his mouth were these.
“…..”
And I was speechless.
“After all these years of going around like that, and now?”
Yuri stared at me, eyes slightly unfocused, and replied in a voice I couldn’t tell if he was talking to himself or not.
“Well, still!”
I excused myself again, my voice a little more urgent at the look on Yuri’s face.
“What if he……”
“You think he’ll dump you for confessing?”
“…….”
I almost hiccuped in surprise as Yuri said the words I hadn’t realized I was about to say.
“Do you think it’s going to be like that, like you were best friends, and you’ll never get back together?”
“…….”
I didn’t know what to say, because it was exactly what I was thinking.
“Higo…….”
Yuri sighed heavily.
“I’ve told you many times, you’re beautiful. You’re not going anywhere. The only reason you don’t get asked out is because of that vision waiting for you in front of the school every day.”
And although I didn’t say it out loud, it was probably because of Yuri.
Whenever guys or upperclassmen tried to offer me a drink, Yuri would immediately step in and take it for me. Since I wasn’t very good at drinking, Yuri was being considerate of me.
And because Yuri was such a heavy drinker and everyone knew she wasn’t someone you could mess with lightly, they naturally kept their distance.
I was really grateful to Yuri for that.
“I can guarantee that Shihyun likes you. If you confess to him, you’ll become a couple right then and there. Not that it’d change much between you two even if you started dating.”
“R-Really?”
“….”
At my hesitant reply, Yuri smacked her forehead with her hand.
“Ahem.”
That was when Hyunseung, who had been silently listening to the conversation, cleared his throat.
“Mind if I chime in for a moment?”
“Sure, why don’t you give her some advice from a guy’s perspective? Try convincing her,” Yuri said, still holding her forehead with one hand and gesturing with the other.
“Speaking as a guy, when a girl confesses to me, I start seeing her differently.”
“Differently?”
I asked, and Hyunseung nodded.
“Yeah. Besides, you’re his upstairs neighbor, right? And you’ve been childhood friends. Plus, you said you’ve been putting effort into how you look around him.”
My face flushed red.
It was true I had been trying to look pretty in front of Shihyun. That’s why I moved out as soon as I became a university student.
Living with my parents, I couldn’t fully express myself. Of course, part of me just wanted to live independently too.
“I haven’t seen him that often, but if a guy grows up constantly seeing a pretty and kind older girl, it’s normal for those feelings to turn into a crush.
Especially if that image of her hasn’t been shattered. Crushes tend to burn on until the person decides to give up. Even when the fire goes out, there are still embers, and with the right spark, they can blaze up again.”
“……”
His explanation sounded like the lyrics of a song.
“And the best fuel for that fire is the girl he likes confessing to him. What kind of guy wouldn’t react to that?”
“….Is that how it works?”
“That’s exactly how it works.”
“And even if it doesn’t work out, you can’t just keep waiting forever, can you? You’re not planning to stay single for life. What if someone else snatches him away? Do you think you’d be able to hold hands with him then?”
“…….”
He had a point.
“You’ve got no more excuses no age gap, no nothing. There’s nowhere left to retreat. Before someone else takes him away, you’ve got to go for it. And as a guy, I’m telling you, he likes you. Why else would he walk around holding hands with you if he didn’t?”
“Exactly, exactly.”
“……”
I closed my mouth and thought for a moment before nodding.
“…Alright. I’ll make sure to confess this year.”