I stared at Shihyun for a while, unable to say anything.
It took me a moment to fully understand what Shihyun was saying.
So… right now, Shihyun is…
I could see unwavering determination in his eyes. Shihyun was looking at me with all his strength, as if he was pouring everything he had into this moment. He was waiting for me to answer.
Does this mean that Shihyun… is saying he likes me?
Or am I just interpreting this in a way that’s convenient for me?
Maybe he’s just trying to show that he values our friendship and doesn’t want to look like someone from my past like the man in my memories?
“Uh, um, Shihyun…”
Even though I thought I might need to ask Shihyun directly, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“I want to stay by your side, noona.”
In that moment, Shihyun spoke again, his voice firm and resolute.
His hand gripped mine more tightly. He took a step closer to me.
My entire field of vision was filled with Shihyun’s face.
I could hear his breathing. And my own, too.
His hand was warm.
“Uh, uh… okay…”
In the end, I couldn’t say anything more and nodded while giving that feeble reply.
Shihyun’s face immediately lit up with joy at my response.
“Really?”
He asked, his voice filled with excitement.
I nodded again.
Shihyun, looking genuinely happy, nodded back. Then, he gently let go of my hand and took a step back.
His face was as red as mine.
Well, of course. He must have been embarrassed to say something like that. It made sense.
“Ah, um, uh…”
Realizing what he had just said, Shihyun stumbled over his words for a moment, clearly flustered.
“T-then, I’ll go change my clothes now!”
With that, he blurted out his excuse and hurriedly ran off.
“……”
I stood there, dazed for a while, then collapsed into the chair behind me.
Letting out a long sigh, I tried to process what had just happened. My mind was still a mess, and rational thought hadn’t quite returned, but I found myself thinking about Shihyun’s words again.
So… what kind of feelings does Shihyun have for me?
He didn’t outright say that he liked me. But he said he wanted to stay by my side and be the one to replace the person I like.
So, does that mean…
My face was burning. When I touched it, it felt so hot that anyone who saw me might wonder if I was sick.
As I slowly lowered my hand from my cheek, I felt the faint curve of my lips.
“……”
But that smile didn’t last long.
The heart that had been racing like crazy began to settle down after realizing that I had been smiling.
The person I like.
Not the person I used to like someone I still like.
Even though I hadn’t confessed to Shihyun yet, and we hadn’t officially dated, I couldn’t deny it.
I still liked Shihyun.
I still haven’t sorted out these feelings.
And if I do manage to sort out my feelings for Shihyun someday…
Will I be able to let go of this guilt I feel toward him?
Will I be able to live without apologizing to Shihyun, smiling alongside him without hesitation?
As I thought about that, the emotions that had been lifting me up began to fall—lower and lower. My heart felt unbearably heavy, sinking straight to the ground.
“…What should I do?”
But, still, there’s no answer.
Perhaps it’s an answer I have to find on my own.
No matter what conclusion I reach, maybe it was always meant to end that way.
“Even in a moment like this, I’m such a coward…”
I muttered those words to myself.
A mix of joy and guilt churned inside me, tangled together so tightly that I couldn’t find the words to describe how I felt.
But there was one thing I was sure of.
At least, things with Shihyun wouldn’t become awkward.
That alone made me happy.
“…But still.”
Just a moment ago, when Shihyun said those words to me—
“Noona…?”
I’m sure that’s what he called me.
Not unnie but noona…….?
*
Ah, I’ve really done it now.
I blurted out something like that to noona, just out of nowhere.
Was she shocked? Did she find my words unsettling?
To be honest, it wasn’t much different from confessing to someone who already has someone they like. How does someone normally respond to something like that?
Wouldn’t they tell me to stop saying crazy things?
I can’t imagine noona saying something like, I have a boyfriend, though. Honestly, if I were to think about it, I couldn’t see her reacting that way. Of course, she’d turn me down, but knowing noona, she wouldn’t be sharp or harsh about it. She’d probably look conflicted and say it gently, even if it took her a few tries to make it clear. She wouldn’t leave me any room for misunderstanding, but she’d still be kind about it.
At least, judging from the fact that noona hasn’t had a boyfriend so far, that’s what I’d expect.
“……”
Thinking about all that, a small, selfish, and—honestly—shameless feeling crept into my chest.
The happiness of knowing that noona has only been looking at me all this time. The thought that she might still like me even now—
—But I know I shouldn’t have thoughts like that.
If I truly understood how much noona must have suffered because of her feelings for me, I should never think that way.
If anything, I should be grateful if noona ever finds someone she truly loves. And even if she doesn’t, I should wish for her to move on from me and look toward her future.
I think that way, but… still… this is supposed to be about helping her, isn’t it?
In the corner of my mind, a low, insidious voice whispered, one that made me question whether I was really someone who had once been a hero.
That voice tickled my ears, speaking sweetly and persuasively:
You’re just helping her forget about you, right? And you’re the one taking that empty spot by her side.
All you need to do is keep smiling for her, just like now. Smile, get closer to her, and become someone noona can’t bear to lose.
Everyone has someone like that. You’re just becoming that person for her. You’re only filling an empty place in her heart. That’s all.
Isn’t that right?
No, that’s not right.
It shouldn’t be like that…
Even as I told myself this, the exhilaration of being allowed to stay by noona’s side, of being given permission to occupy that spot, slowly seeped into my chest.
That, at least, was something I couldn’t deny.
*
After changing clothes, we headed outside. My sister was already standing up from her seat.
Her face, which had been bright red just a little while ago, had calmed down somewhat.
“Ahem.”
Seeing me, she cleared her throat for no apparent reason. Then, as she stood there, she spoke in a slightly reserved voice.
“Well, I’ll be counting on you again today.”
“…Alright.”
She looked adorable.
When I stood facing her a moment ago, I could tell for sure—I was still a little taller than her.
As I held her hand, she looked up at me.
The way she gazed at me with her moist eyes was incredibly endearing. Of course, I didn’t plan on doing anything in that moment, though.
There was still some distance between us.
The permission I had received from her was simply to approach closer, but it didn’t mean I was yet allowed to stand right next to her.
We stood side by side in silence.
“…”
“…”
Both of us stared quietly ahead.
“Hey, Shihyun.”
“Yes, noona.”
“Uh, um, yeah.”
Even though she had called me first, she flinched at my response, looking flustered.
She placed a hand in front of her mouth and softly cleared her throat again.
Then, avoiding my gaze, she turned to look at the window on the opposite side and asked,
“You’re still wearing that necklace today.”
“Ah…?”
I raised my hand toward my neck.
The necklace, warmed by my body heat, felt warm against my fingers. I could feel the fine edges of the silver pendant as I touched it.
“Yes, because it’s something you gave me.”
“…”
In fact, I hadn’t taken it off since yesterday.
When my teammates belatedly noticed the necklace and loudly congratulated me, it was a bit embarrassing, but I never thought about taking it off.
Because it was the first gift I received from her after coming to this world.
The gifts I had received before… are they still with Mom?
If I ever meet her again, I’d like to check on those things, too.
Of course, I wouldn’t be able to meet her as myself… but if I become close enough to noona, perhaps the three of us could meet one day.
Then, lost in nostalgia, noona might share stories about the past.
Luckily, that person from before was also me.
So, I wouldn’t feel any burning jealousy. If anything, I might end up reminiscing together.
“Ahem.”
For the third time now, she cleared her throat.
Even though the atmosphere had mostly returned to normal, it was clear she couldn’t completely hide the lingering awkwardness.
Curious about what was going on, I looked at her. She was still staring out the opposite window when she asked…….
“T-Today… do you have time?”
“Huh? Oh, yes, I do.”
Last night, I had a birthday party with my teammates. It wasn’t something I could ignore since they had prepared for it. It was a relatively calm party, but it was plenty enjoyable. We finished the cake and all the food we’d made, so it felt complete.
Because of that, even if I came back a little late today, my teammates wouldn’t feel too disappointed.
…Well, except for Kalia, who gave me a big thumbs-up this morning. If I came back empty-handed, I might have to hear a few words from her.
With that thought in mind, I answered that I had time.
“T-Then, after work today…”
She cleared her throat for the fourth time.
“W-Would you like to…”
She paused briefly, then turned to look at me as if she had finally made up her mind.
Her face was filled with a determined resolve.
“Grab a drink with me?”
“Ah…”
I…didn’t see that coming.
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