After getting into the elevator, Song Hyunsoo still felt completely dazed.
What was with that kiss timing, seriously. He just sucked my soul out, telling me to only think about him.
Everywhere Yoon Jooho’s touch lingered— his lips, inside his mouth, and between his fingers—a faint shiver ran through him.
“If you’re upset, remember it.” As if! I want to remember it more desperately than anyone else in this world, you know?
Just what happened for him to kiss me like that? If you can’t remember, die, Song Hyunsoo. There’s only death.
Wait a minute. But after giving a kiss like that to someone about to go home, there’s no way he’d actually call someone else over, right? He wouldn’t, would he? He better not…
With a sigh heavy enough to sink the ground, thud. Song Hyunsoo knocked the back of his head against the elevator wall and stared up at the ceiling.
『Yeah, it’s mine, it’s my everything. I’ll never let anyone take it.』
The echo of those words lingered deep in his ears.
He knew it was something Yoon Jooho said about Look Planning.
But if Yoon Jooho ever said something like that to him, he felt like he could overcome any hardship in the world.
The thought that the other person might sleep with someone else left him endlessly gloomy and unsettled. That could only mean one thing: feelings of love.
As he passed through the Hall and stepped outside the Mansion, the world sparkled everywhere thanks to the snow that had fallen all night.
Haah. Letting out a breath with a white puff, Song Hyunsoo zipped the jumper Yoon Jooho had given him all the way up to his chin.
Winter was deepening.
Just as humans can’t stop the changing seasons, there was nothing he could do about his deepening feelings either.
It hurt, but it was sweet. It was hopeless, but also blissful. At least, up until now.
Even though he thought of him as a “handsome rooster on a tree I can’t climb,” he couldn’t stop himself.
Yoon Jooho. Even if he became a dog with his neck stretched out, staring endlessly at the roof, he was a rooster worth chasing at least once.
■
Left alone, Yoon Jooho opened the living room Window to air out the room. The temperature inside dropped quickly, making him feel cold, so he looked for his gown.
Ah, I gave it to Bibitan.
He went to the Practice Room where Song Hyunsoo had changed clothes and found the gown he’d taken off, neatly folded and placed on the Sofa. With a chuckle, he put it on.
He didn’t usually wear a gown because of the temperature, but out of habit.
Whether it was at a photo shoot or a drama set, he often wore a gown to change costumes or to keep his clothes from getting wrinkled while waiting.
So naturally, he got used to and comfortable with gowns.
Some Counselor had once said, quite plausibly, that even that habit reflected Yoon Jooho’s tendency to hide his true self.
Wearing the gown Song Hyunsoo had worn, Yoon Jooho hummed an unidentifiable tune as he wandered around the house.
He closed the open Window, turned on the Air Purifier in the living room, then moved to the bedroom.
There, too, he turned on the Air Purifier, lit an Incense Candle, and drew back the Curtain. Sunlight poured over the snow, making the world sparkle.
Across the river to the west. Looking down in the direction where Song Hyunsoo’s home probably was, Yoon Jooho leaned slantwise against the Full-length Window.
He said he slept separately in the Guest Room, and that wasn’t a lie, but…
Yoon Jooho had definitely been lying on this Bed together with him.
Even though Yoon Jooho drank quite a bit last night, unlike Song Hyunsoo, his memories were vivid.
『“I was one of the victims, too.”』
He’d known from the start that Song Hyunsoo was from UB. Song Hyunsoo had introduced himself that way.
But he also knew that not all UB Entertainment artists were Myung Dohoon’s victims, so he hadn’t paid it much mind.
Yet, to think Song Hyunsoo, who’d been right next to him, was one of the victims.
『“Still, I survived. I lived to see Lee Seokyung die. And now, I’ve even seen Myung Dohoon die.”』
Lee Seokyung.
The moment that name came out of Song Hyunsoo’s mouth, his composure completely crumbled for a moment. Yoon Jooho knew even better than Song Hyunsoo that Lee Seokyung was “a beyond-imagination pervert who didn’t care about men or women, or anything else.”
『“You… have you ever dealt with Lee Seokyung?”』
Did I feel relieved when he said no?
Thud, Yoon Jooho shrank his shoulder against the Full-length Window and tapped his temple on the glass.
On the surface, Song Hyunsoo seemed fine.
He staggered a bit, but not so much that he couldn’t walk without help, and when he came to Yoon Jooho’s place, he’d even taken a shower by himself, saying he felt sticky all over.
Song Hyunsoo had come out in just his boxer briefs and flopped onto the Bed, and Yoon Jooho had tossed Pajama Pants onto his face.
“Put these on.”
“I don’t want to. It’s stuffy.”
Lying on his side, the drunken mess giggled as he pulled the Pajama Pants down.
“If you don’t want to hear it the nice way, just put them on.”
For some reason, Song Hyunsoo found this hilarious, wrapping the Pajama Pants around his neck like a scarf or wearing them on his head, chuckling all the while.
Then, he soon turned over and sprawled flat on his back, facing the ceiling, and his laughter gradually faded.
This time, the guy covered his face with both hands and mumbled painfully.
“I’ve… never been to the Columbarium. The Anniversary was in November… I thought I’d be able to go then. I was going to go. But I couldn’t go again. I just didn’t have the courage to go there…”
Who’s Columbarium he meant— it wasn’t even necessary to ask.
“I don’t know if living well is for Hongseo, or if I should be sadder for Hongseo’s sake… I don’t even know that…”
Looking down at the drunken mess, who was laughing and crying in turns, Yoon Jooho let out a deep sigh and picked up the Pajama Pants.
Then, he began to clumsily help the lying Song Hyunsoo put them on. Why am I doing this? What’s so cute about this?
“In my Dream, it’s always that day on repeat.”
“What day?”
“When I run out, he’s already gone from the alley. Even though I ran out right after him.”
Not even hearing Yoon Jooho’s question, Song Hyunsoo rambled on. Then, this time, he covered his eyes with his arm.
“I wish he’d come into my Dream, smile, and tell me he’s doing well… but it’s always the same Dream.”
Under the arm covering his eyelids, tears trickled down toward his temple.
Yoon Jooho could guess. Song Hyunsoo probably hadn’t been able to sleep since that incident.
“Lee Seokyung is dead, and now Myung Dohoon is dead too. Like you said, maybe that’s eased your regrets a little. Go to sleep. If you cry too much, you’ll have a headache tomorrow.”
After clumsily helping him into the Pajama Pants, Yoon Jooho started to get up, but Song Hyunsoo grabbed his wrist desperately.
“Sunbae. Don’t go.”
He turned back while still standing. In the dim light, Song Hyunsoo had propped himself up halfway, looking up at him.
“Just sleep here with me.”
He knew what those eyes were saying. It wasn’t just an invitation to lie side by side and go to Dreamland.
But it wasn’t a face starved for lust, either. Those eyes, desperate enough to burst into tears at any moment, were pleading with loneliness and fear. Asking to lick each other’s wounds.
“I don’t have a hobby of serving someone who won’t even remember it.”
“There’s no way I wouldn’t remember.”
“Don’t be stubborn.”
“I’ll remember everything. I’ll remember everything about you, sunbae.”
Looking down at that childish, stubborn face, Yoon Jooho sighed.
He promised he’d stay by his side until he fell asleep, then lay down, staring at the ceiling. But almost as soon as he lay down, Yoon Jooho regretted his decision.
Like many people, Song Hyunsoo became extremely bold when drunk and started doing things he normally wouldn’t.
Forehead, nose bridge, philtrum, lips, chin—he traced the side of Yoon Jooho’s face with his fingertips, then carefully outlined his lips again.
“They say drinking makes your sex drive stronger. Are you okay?”
“Move your hand.”
“Give me an Award.”
“Feels like you should be getting a Punishment, not an Award.”
Yoon Jooho parted his lips and snapped his teeth at Song Hyunsoo’s fingers.
Song Hyunsoo, as if playing a fun game, kept moving his fingers close to Yoon Jooho’s lips and pulling them away, giggling.
To be honest, it wasn’t as if his body and mind weren’t reacting to that laughter.
“You said you’d give me an Award if I did well in the shoot.”
“Didn’t you say you had 30 NGs? What Award?”
“Still, give it to me. You’re so stingy.”
“My Awards aren’t that cheap.”
“Sunbae, you just wanted to use the Award as an excuse to kiss me anyway. Isn’t that right?”
“……”
Yoon Jooho grabbed Song Hyunsoo’s wrist tightly.
The tables turned in an instant, and the next moment, Yoon Jooho was on top of Song Hyunsoo’s stomach, pinning his wrist down on the pillow.
“If you want it that badly, I’ll give you an Award.”
“Really?”
“Do you want it now? Or when you wake up tomorrow?”
“Ri…”
Before Song Hyunsoo could say “right now” without a second thought, Yoon Jooho’s palm covered his lips.
“Think carefully.”
Song Hyunsoo rolled his eyes, lost in thought for a while, then finally pushed Yoon Jooho’s hand off his lips.
“Then go.”
Then he pushed Yoon Jooho off the Bed.
“If you stay next to me, I honestly can’t promise I won’t touch you.”
Yoon Jooho was practically kicked off the Bed like that.
“But, you have to keep your Promise tomorrow.”
He’d made such a big deal about it, and in the end, didn’t even remember that Promise. So much for loving to remember everything about sunbae.
Maybe I should just add an Overdrinking Prohibition Clause to the contract.
Yoon Jooho, hands in the gown pocket, smirked as he turned from the Window— just then, the doorbell rang at the entrance.