Wang Huaiyu had recently begun to feel regret.
‘Where exactly did the source of all this wrong begin?’
‘Sometimes she couldn’t even figure it out herself.’
‘Was it her excessive indulgence toward Wu Liushan?’
‘Or perhaps it was back then in the study, holding Liu Shan’s hand, willfully asking her father to take in that child?’
‘Or could it be that day long ago when she caused the death of Brother Wu, who was a servant of the household?’
‘…It was hard to understand. Maybe from birth to adulthood, she had been a mistake for this family?’
‘Her birth had killed her mother.’
‘After that, her father busied himself with affairs, rarely sparing time to care for her.’
‘But perhaps because of her mother’s dying words, my father doted on me, and any request was instantly granted.’
‘However, to make my father spend more time with me in the past, I always lied, saying I was unsatisfied with what I asked for.’
‘Back then, he would hold me in his arms, frowning yet still smiling.’
“Precious daughter, if you want it, we’ll get it. Dad will always stand behind you.”
That’s what he said back then.
“Then Dad has to give Xiao Yu lots and lots! And you’re not allowed to leave Xiao Yu!” “Just… like… Mom!”
I answered like that.
‘Thinking about it now, my father’s expression at that time was really… complicated.’
—But in the end, my father still chose to focus on the family’s affairs.
Even if I stood outside the study door at night holding a doll and knocking, wanting him to spend time with me, there was rarely a response.
Inside the room, only the busy figure reflected by candlelight.
‘What a… liar.’
“Xiao Yu, Dad really wants to spend more time with you, but I’m really too busy…”
Father always used such lame excuses to fob me off.
But I understood him, so at times like this, I would act like a good girl in front of him.
“Okay, Father.”
I always answered like that.
‘Bowing my head to answer like this kept me from seeing the guilt in my father’s eyes, and at the same time… it also hid the disappointment and difficulty in my own eyes.’
‘Likewise, I didn’t notice the gradual distance between my father and me…’
“Young Lady, are you still sulking?”
But I don’t know from when, a voice suddenly broke into my life.
He was the steward of our household, assigned by my father to attend to me ever since I learned to read.
But unlike attendants like Xiao Hua, this steward surnamed Wu always spoke to me with a strangely close familiarity.
At first, I was very annoyed.
“…Uncle, if you have any ill intentions, I’ll tell my father.”
“Don’t look down on me just because I’m nine. I’m not the same as you servants in this household.”
“Ugh!” He would always dramatically clutch his chest, looking hurt. “Young Lady sure has a sharp tongue…”
“I’m not that kind of pervert. I just want to care about the Young Lady…”
Hmph!!
But perhaps I was young then, or perhaps that steward surnamed Wu seemed harmless. In any case, under his tireless “care,” I let down my so-called vigilance.
After that, he would always appear when I was feeling down, and would often bring small trinkets to comfort me.
Like the extra cloth tiger his wife sewed during her pregnancy, the hand drum he made for his unborn child, the rare pastries he secretly brought…
He was like an older brother, accompanying me in a way completely different from my father’s twisted methods—of course, he wasn’t that old either.
And I would just quietly listen while doing the assignments given by the private school teacher.
But even such a plain daily routine soothed my childhood, which lacked companionship.
Gradually, he became a family member in my heart.
But a girl lacking fatherly love, raised in a spoiled environment, always had a somewhat twisted personality—even if I thought I was relatively strong.
On that stormy day, I was once again left behind by my father.
I thought that in such bad weather, my father would at least stop his work and chat with me or something.
“No, Xiao Yu! Dad has to go handle something now!”
“Something happened at our Wang family shop in Zhennantou! People are making a scene, demanding someone pay with their life!”
“Wait until Dad handles it, then I’ll spend time with you! Be good!”
With that, he arranged for the servants and left the house.
Back in the courtyard, I could only throw a childish tantrum by myself.
I called Brother Wu, crying and venting.
As if to release all the grievances accumulated over the years onto this person who was like an elder brother.
He just stood behind me, crouched down, stroking my hair, silently comforting me as I cried with my head down.
Even after so long, I could still imagine how much his expression must have hurt.
“Brother Wu, I want Mom, not Dad!”
“Da-Dad always abandons me. Even though I’ve been so obedient, he never once spent his free time with me.”
“Like the bedtime stories you said parents tell their children… I’ve never had that!”
I remember crying like that when I was little.
“Sigh, Young Lady, the Elder Master just…”
“Just what?!”
“…No, nothing.”
“I don’t care! I want Dad to be with me! Right now!”
At that time, I threw off his hand that was on my head, extremely willful.
But judging from the outcome, throwing a tantrum didn’t lead to anything good.
He looked at me, then silently turned and left.
I never expected that would be the last time I saw him, and that willful sentence would be the last words I said to him…
The next time I heard news of him, it was news of his death—
I heard that he rushed through the heavy rain to the scene of the trouble in Zhennantou, pushed through the crowd, and found my father.
In the scuffle, someone picked up a weapon and aimed for my father’s head. He pushed my father aside, but couldn’t dodge in time.
Blood spilled all over the ground, and no matter how the rain washed, it wouldn’t clean it.
Like me when I heard the news, the shadow in my heart wouldn’t go away no matter what.
I heard that he left nothing behind before his death.
No last words, no entrustment, not even time to say “Take care of my wife and child.”
Hearing such news, how could I, only ten years old at the time, bear it?
Naturally, I blamed all the mistakes on myself.
But what was most agonizing wasn’t the guilt I had imposed on myself—I was actually relieved that my father hadn’t been injured or killed, but that someone had taken that misfortune instead.
The feeling of self-loathing, haunted me for a long, long time… until I finally found Wu Liushan.
That child was so handsome that I even doubted whether I had mistaken him.
But everything he said matched exactly with the Brother Wu in my memory.
But guilt blinded me. When I came to my senses again, I was already standing in front of my father with Liu Shan.
“Dad… Father! Are we going to treat the descendant of our benefactor like this?!”
I pounded my chest, looking indignantly at my frowning father at the desk.
And my father? He seemed stumped, just rubbing his forehead and looking at me.
What happened after didn’t matter. I only knew that I had been willful again.
Wind leaked in through the slightly open window of the study, stirring the candle.
The candlelight flickered, dazed and confused.
Outside the window, night had already enveloped the sky.
A voice came from beside the desk.
“Young Lady, wake up…”