Life is boring. Super boring.
Especially when I don’t know what to do.
Lu Xiu was spacing out, and I had already finished spacing out.
Now! I’m going to do something interesting!
I leapt up from the sofa and landed on the floor. The soles of my feet pressed against the cool tiles — not too cold — and then I strode toward the door.
“What are you going to do?” Lu Xiu asked, clearly bewildered by my actions.
“Fight monsters! Save the world! And Kuyan Fire Village!”
“…Didn’t you say you didn’t want to work?”
“That was the old me, but now I’m bored! I’m going to bully others so I can find some happiness!”
I spoke with total confidence. I couldn’t wait to tear all the aberrations in this area to pieces and then become the boss. ‘I really am too cool!’
Lu Xiu’s dead-fish eyes kept staring at me. His lips twitched slightly, but he eventually closed his eyes.
I ignored his little reaction and continued toward the door, opened it, and walked out.
Oh, right, I mustn’t forget to close the door.
I carefully shut the door and waved goodbye to Lu Xiu before happily leaving the house.
Reaching the roadside, I breathed in the car exhaust permeating the air and looked at the blue sky in the distance, wondering where to go.
Scratching my face with my fingertip, I couldn’t find a place for entertainment for a while. People walked by, keeping a wide distance from me.
Perhaps they feared my appearance, or perhaps they were afraid I would eat them.
But I didn’t care. Paying attention to their actions was useless to me; I only needed Lu Xiu. ‘Everyone else is just strawberry milk tea and little cakes!’
Walking and walking, walking and walking.
I walked past an abandoned building site wrapped in red cloth and blocked by police tape. I could faintly feel a chilly aura swirling inside, but I didn’t bother with it because it was too weak — not even Guai Class.
I walked through a deserted residential area covered in tangled wires where crows nested with their eyes wide open. Peeling wall plaster fell to the ground; I kicked it aside, getting it all over myself.
I walked past an old factory where machines buzzed as if they might explode at any moment.
Trucks moved in and out, occasionally dropping scraps of junk, only for the supervisors behind them to chase after and curse them out.
Walking and walking, walking and walking.
I didn’t know where I was going, either. I just kept moving forward.
Finally, I stopped in front of that small ruin. I stood beside the vigorously growing fruit tree.
Then, I pulled a red apple out of my mouth on the stomach and placed it underneath.
“I won’t kowtow to you. Here, apple, for you to eat. Thank you.”
After saying that, I nodded. After waiting for ten minutes, I picked up the apple and stuffed it into my mouth to chew.
“Now that you’ve finished, it’s my turn to eat.”
Once the apple was gone, I buried the core in the dirt and continued walking.
Walking and walking.
I passed through the bustling city center. On the blacklist of the buffet restaurant that just opened yesterday, the names Sui and Lu Xiu were written in bold.
Even though we had never eaten there, we were somehow on record.
I passed through the peaceful suburbs. Sunlight shone on the grass, and a small river gurgled with clear fish swimming inside. I plucked a reed and stuffed it into my mouth.
I sat on a slide and looked at the utility pole I had bitten in half, which had since been repaired, then slid down.
The gates to the defunct industrial zone were sealed, so I couldn’t get in. I went to a supermarket but was kicked out by a security guard, so I could only continue wandering.
Using my own secret stash of money, I bought a cup of Kuyan Fire Village and sat on a stone bench, staring at the sky while sipping my milk tea and spacing out.
I thought of nothing. ‘I really like the feeling of my head being empty.’
“Little one, may I ask — “
A man wearing white missionary robes approached me and crouched down with a warm smile.
“Would you like… to join the eternal embrace of our great Lord of Heavenly Unity?”
*Slurp — *
I took a large gulp of black pearls and chewed them slowly in my mouth.
He waited for me to finish. Chew, chew, chew, chew.
About five minutes later, I slowly swallowed the food in my mouth and licked my lips.
“No.”
His smile cracked slightly, and his hands clenched as he stood up. “Have you really made up your mind?”
I took another sip of milk tea and chewed.
He continued to wait for my answer.
About ten minutes later, I nodded.
“Mhm.”
“Very well, little one. You have successfully piqued my interest.”
After leaving those nonsensical words, he walked straight to the stone bench beside me, rolled up his sleeves, bent down, and hugged it.
“Hyaaa — !!!”
After shouting for one minute, the stone bench remained unmoved. The guy was drenched in sweat and collapsed onto the bench, his face pressed against the surface.
*Slurp — *
I watched him, finished the last sip of my milk tea, stuffed the trash into my mouth on the stomach, and pulled out a small watch, tapping on it a few times.
“Hello? What’s up?” Lu Xiu’s voice came through.
“I’m at the Baohuo Supermarket.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you done thinking about the human-snake?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing now?”
“Thinking about the human-snake.”
“Oh, there’s a very strange person here. Can you take him away?”
“Depends. What kind of weirdo?”
“The same one you caught before, from that join the heavenly something-or-other.”
“Wait for me.”
“Okay.”
I nodded obediently and hung up the phone.
I looked at the man. “You are under arrest. Please stay where you are and don’t leave, or I’ll be very troubled.”
“Then are you willing to join the Lord of Heavenly Unity?”
“No.”
“Then I’m leaving.”
I frowned. “Then I’ll be very troubled.”
“Then are you willing to join the Lord of Heavenly Unity?”
“No.”
“Then why should I listen to you?” The man licked the surface of the stone bench.
“Because I called someone to arrest you. If you run away, who will I have to catch?”
“But you won’t join the Lord of Heavenly Unity, so if I listen to you, am I listening to you, or am I listening to you?”
This sentence was too logical; I had to wrap my head around it.
“Wait for me to think about it properly.”
“Okay, I’ll wait here then.”
With that said, I began to think about what to have for dinner.
The missionary man lay flat on the stone bench. Time was peaceful, and the wind was still.
About fifteen minutes later, I looked at him.
“Um… what did you just say?”
“I forgot.” He frowned. “Is there something wrong with your head?”
I shook my head.
His brow relaxed. “Then it’s fine. I was asking if you’d like to join our Lord of Heavenly Unity?”
“No.”
“So… you just stood there and repeated that dialogue hundreds of times?”
Lu Xiu watched the man being escorted to the car and looked at me, his expression hard to describe.
“Mhm.”
“That’s really…” He couldn’t find the words to describe it and sat down next to me.
“You’re squishing me!”
I was a bit dissatisfied. My bottom slid to the very edge, and I was about to fall off the next second.
“Sorry.”
“I want some Kuyan Fire Village.”
“I’ll buy you some later.”
“Oh.”
I quieted down.
After a while, I pulled a drool-covered apple out of my mouth on the stomach and handed it to Lu Xiu.
“What’s this?”
“Eat an apple,” I replied.
Looking at the saliva dripping from the fruit, his eye twitched.
“Did you wash this…?”
“No,” I shook my head honestly.
He sighed, wiped it a few times on his clothes, and took a bite.
“Let’s go have pizza later.”