12:03 a.m.
I was dreaming—when suddenly, at a certain moment, I became aware that I was in a dream.
It wasn’t the same as being fully asleep. I was in that in-between state, where I could wake myself up at any moment if I wanted to… or just doze off a little longer.
“You’re awake?” Su Liumeng’s nap hadn’t lasted more than two hours. After that, she’d remained in the same position the entire time—serving as someone’s life-sized hugging pillow.
She’d noticed the change in my breathing.
“Mm.” My eyelashes fluttered open slowly.
This time, I didn’t shy away the moment I woke up. I even stayed resting on Su Liumeng’s body for a while before slowly sitting up in bed.
Humans are strange creatures.
After the first time, the second time is always easier to accept.
But more than that, I was reflecting on myself—was I being too clingy?
That thought left me quiet for a moment.
My gaze landed on Su Liumeng’s face. Just looking at her cute, lovable appearance made my mood improve tenfold. And in that moment, I finally managed to convince myself.
In the end, nothing had changed at all.
It had always been this face I liked.
So maybe the odd behavior I’d shown these past couple of days… could be explained by that too.
Su Liumeng looked at the girl in front of her. Seeing her suddenly staring at her—and then her cheeks turning bright red—no matter how bitter or painful her emotions were, her heart still gave a hard thump or two.
“Why are you staring at me?” Su Liumeng asked with a smile. I didn’t notice the bitterness tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“Because you’re pretty,” I replied.
My voice had always been naturally sweet. And when I was alone with Su Liumeng, I’d instinctively soften it even more. It sounded like a July rainbow—able to lift anyone’s spirits from cloudy to clear skies.
Suddenly, I scooted a bit closer to her and very naturally wrapped my arms around hers, gently resting my head on her shoulder.
Faced with the feelings surging up from the depths of my heart, I was starting to find it hard to keep pretending—hard to keep lying to myself.
Maybe it was because of last night’s experience, that moment of real panic, that made me start realizing what I truly felt.
Okay, fine.
I admit it.
I might’ve fallen for Su Liumeng, just a little.
Whenever I was with her, I always wanted to be close, to do little intimate things. All those little actions—they weren’t something I could fake.
But things didn’t go quite the way I imagined. In my head, holding onto her would make her happy, but…
She didn’t look all that happy.
Why…?
Didn’t she really like me?
She had criticized me more than once for being uptight.
So now that I took the initiative—just a little—why was she reacting like this?
Su Liumeng’s body was stiff.
Because of the angle we were facing each other, I couldn’t see the painful struggle in her eyes.
It was only after a long while that she finally reached out and placed her hand on my lower back.
I frowned and instinctively moved away a bit.
I’d always been sensitive to emotions, able to pick up even the smallest changes in someone’s mood.
No matter how much Su Liumeng tried to act normal, I could still sense her awkwardness.
I gently bit my lip, my eyes flickering with uncertainty.
In the end, I didn’t say anything about it. Instead, I changed the subject.
“Su Liumeng, in a few more days, I think I’ll figure out a way to completely cure your cold poison.” I’d never been good with words, and I rarely showed my emotions so openly.
“Huh?” Su Liumeng was momentarily stunned—and then a deep, piercing pain struck her heart.
A few more days. She was even sure of the timing.
Was that person coming back?
Her expression suddenly twisted, and she couldn’t hide how awful she felt.
“That… it’s fine. I don’t need your help.”
Right now, Su Liumeng’s head was full of one thing: rejection.
She was someone with pride.
If she had to be saved by the one her crush was in love with—then she’d rather die herself.
“Why?” My voice, usually quiet and reserved, rose slightly for the first time.
Su Liumeng was acting far too strange today.
She stared at me, at the sadness on my face, and in the end, she still closed her eyes and forced out a lie: “Alright, since it’s Baby’s help, of course I’ll look forward to it.”
She just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bear to watch me—Si Xinyan—look so heartbroken. Even more so, she didn’t want to trigger my emotions.
I fell silent for a few seconds, then nodded firmly.
I thought about Su Liumeng’s personality. She was someone inherently proud and strong-willed. So… maybe she instinctively resisted kindness offered by others?
I was trying to understand how she felt.
That’s why I didn’t push further about her strange behavior today. And I made a silent decision—I wouldn’t bring up her cold poison in front of her so easily again.
She had shown me her most vulnerable side yesterday. It was only natural she’d feel a bit awkward about it afterward.
I could understand that too.
An hour passed. I had finished washing up, eaten my first meal of the day, and was now sitting on the couch playing on my phone.
I hadn’t gone to class at all this morning, and the thought of it made me sigh a little.
No matter how full of ideals one is, reality always wins.
My body simply wouldn’t allow me to attend a full day of classes anymore.
“Are you going to class later?” Su Liumeng asked as she finished tidying up the dishes and walked over to the couch.
“Yeah, I still have to go.”
“I don’t want to take a leave from school and waste an entire year. As long as I do fine on the exams, I should be able to pass.”
If it’s just a couple of exams, then as someone who grew up in an orphanage and practically lived off test papers, I didn’t think I’d have any problems.
“Alright.” Su Liumeng suddenly grew quiet.
Standing before Si Xinyan again, she couldn’t stop her thoughts from spiraling. She couldn’t help but imagine what had happened between Si Xinyan and that person.
Even if it shattered her heart completely, she still couldn’t avoid imagining the ambiguous moments the two must’ve shared in private.
“That ‘Baby’ you’re always calling… is he really that good to you?” Su Liumeng finally couldn’t hold back her emotions and asked, sounding her out carefully.
“Hmm?” I blinked my big, bright eyes, wide and adorable.
I wasn’t dumb—of course I could hear the subtext behind her question. So I stood up and reached out to touch Su Liumeng’s forehead.
“Nope, no fever.”
It really felt like we were speaking on completely different wavelengths.
To avoid causing any unnecessary misunderstandings, I decided not to answer her question directly.
Su Liumeng didn’t get the answer she wanted, and her heart sank uncontrollably.
Just as she feared.
Evasion. Vagueness. Deflection.
Whenever the topic turned to that person, Si Xinyan always brushed it off.
“I’m fine.”
“You go on to class.”
Standing by the door as I got ready to leave, my brow never once relaxed.
Su Liumeng’s reaction just now… it didn’t quite seem like she was embarrassed from being seen in a messy state. If anything, it felt more like—
Was she… jealous?
Was I imagining things?
I waved at Su Liumeng, then climbed onto the school bus with my books in hand, still mulling over that strange possibility.
She was jealous. But… jealous of who?
I’ve never had any ambiguous relationships with anyone else.
It just didn’t make sense…I pushed down the tangled mess of thoughts in my head, afraid that if I let them spiral, I’d end up in another bad mood.
Forget it. I’ll find a chance to talk to Su Liumeng properly.
Honestly, I really hate it when people get unreasonable. Especially when I’ve already taken the first step so clearly—yet still didn’t get the response I was hoping for. That kind of unrequited affection—it leaves a bitter sadness, and an even deeper frustration.
Hopefully… I’m just overthinking things.
*****
Villa Building No. 3.
Su Liumeng lingered on the balcony for a long time.
Without saying a word, she walked up to Si Xinyan’s bedroom door. Her hand hovered in the air, unable to fall.
It was as if there was a devil inside her heart, whispering, seducing, coaxing her with temptation—
Just open the door. Open that book formed from illusion and substance. Look inside, and you’ll find out everything about that person.
But…
Wouldn’t that make her no different from a despicable snoop?
Was it really okay to trample all over someone’s privacy, to grind their trust beneath her heel, all for a suspicion that didn’t even have any proof?
Inside her, reason waged war against desire.
In the end, reason won. She didn’t push the door open.