Chapter 6: Shadows of Envy: A Rekindled Connection

Was he this friendly??

I think he was like that when we were both trainees but I don’t remember clearly after that.

It’s been a long time since I’ve heard him use informal speech. 

Hmm, didn’t he use formal speech in the lecture room earlier?

“Oh… well, yeah. You’ve been doing well too?”

As I answered absentmindedly, Seo Eun-jae’s smile deepened. 

He already looks flamboyant, but when he smiles intentionally, it’s a bit dizzying.

“Of course. I’ve been doing well too.”

Seo Eun-jae, who spoke with a somewhat muffled voice, delivered the finishing blow.

“I really… missed you a lot, brother.”

Why is he suddenly like this?

It was true that it had been a long time since I had seen Seo Eun-jae. 

I left YM Entertainment, where I was an idol trainee, when I was twenty, and after that, I intentionally avoided meeting him. 

Seo Eun-jae contacted me from time to time, but it was always just talk about seeing each other sometime.

It was only natural. 

I was very free, but he was incredibly busy.

Then and now, Seo Eun-jae was the visual center of the popular idol group Dreamer. 

When you think of a visual center, you usually think that they’re just good-looking and not very good at dancing or singing, but he wasn’t like that. 

Singing, dancing, talent. 

He was a hexagonal talent who lacked nothing. 

And now, a new modifier would be added to that. 

‘Hard Working genius actor,’a name I wanted but couldn’t have.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if effort and genius could coexist as words, but it was a name given to him after seeing him always correct the problems pointed out in his next work. 

Moreover, once he learns something, he masters it amazingly. 

Perhaps it was thanks to that tendency that he became a hexagonal talent.

“…Hmm.”

Really, I thought I had forgotten quite a lot about him, but I guess not. 

Seeing that I remember how much the public loved him as an actor, and how they loved him, it must be natural. 

It’s only natural since I was the one who envied and envied Seo Eun-jae’s success as an actor more than anyone else.

“Ah, I’m sorry, brother. I was too much, wasn’t I? I’m always like this, my heart always comes first.”

“…You.”

This bastard, he remembers.

‘You only think about your own feelings and act. So you never think about how others might be harmed or hurt.’

That’s what I said on the day I cut ties with Seo Eun-jae.

But wait a minute, I said that a few years later, not now?

‘Could it be that he’s been noticing all along?’

How I feel about him.

I was 16 and he was 15 when we met as idol trainees, and I thought I had hidden my inferiority complex well until the day we completely cut ties. 

Of course, that’s just my own thought and it could be wrong. 

In the first place, human emotions are bound to show in some way, so I don’t think I hid it perfectly.

‘But I never revealed it blatantly either.’

Except for the day in the future when I cut ties with him.

‘…He must have heard similar words from someone else.’

I was told that I was the only one who remembered the time before I died. 

So it couldn’t have been something he heard from me. 

Well, considering his personality, which is that he likes people so much, it wouldn’t be strange if he heard it from someone else.

I suddenly realized that I was facing Seo Eun-jae right now. 

A relationship that I desperately wanted to avoid, and that I eventually cut off with my own hands. 

To make a small excuse, it wasn’t just because of inferiority. 

The fact that he was still under YM Entertainment was also bothering me.

Of course, I’m the bad guy in the relationship with Seo Eun-jae. 

He didn’t do anything wrong to me. 

It’s just that I couldn’t stand his superiority.

‘Things might be different from now on, though.’

I glanced at Seo Eun-jae’s face without realizing it. 

He seemed to have put on some simple skin makeup, but his eyes were dark and he looked like he wasn’t in good condition. 

His lips were also chapped.

Tsk, I clicked my tongue without realizing it.

“You still don’t wear lip balm, do you?”

I took out an emergency lip balm from my bag and handed it to him. 

My lips are dry and chapped 365 days a year, and they go crazy even when I’m just a little tired, so lip balm is a must-have item. 

But strangely, I don’t lose other things, but I lose lip balm like a ghost, so I almost obsessively carry extra lip balm with me.

“Take care of yourself. You haven’t changed since you were a kid.”

The words I blurted out unconsciously stung one side of my heart.

‘Yeah, you haven’t changed.’

Only my feelings towards Seo Eun-jae have changed. 

A bitter realization spread through my heart. 

I felt like I would only dig myself into a hole if I kept dwelling on it, so I tried to change the subject.

“So, what did you want to say?”

“Huh?”

At those words, Seo Eun-jae, who had been looking at the lip balm I gave him with a very wistful gaze, made a blank expression. 

He stared at me blankly as if he had suddenly woken up from a dream, then flinched his shoulders.

“Ah, right. There’s something I wanted to tell you  brother.”

It must be about <Casting With Your Own Hands>.

“Just choose one, either use informal speech or formal speech.”

Before I knew it, my mouth was dry and strange words came out.

“No, I’m not saying anything. It’s just that.”

He looks cold, and his tone isn’t very kind, so he often gets misunderstood unintentionally. 

As I tried to fix it belatedly, Seo Eun-jae chuckled as he took something out of his bag.

“I know. I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

Then he handed me a neatly folded A4 paper. 

When I unfolded it, it was the audition announcement for <Casting With Your Own Hands> as I had expected.

“As you can see, they’re going to do a public audition program for the remake of <Amelia’s Flower Shop>. It’s a survival format, and the final candidates are decided by viewer voting…”

“They’re dividing it into male and female sides, and the male side is accepting applications now. There’s one lead role and two supporting roles, so a total of three spots.”

“So, you just have to be in the top 3 in the audition voting. I guess they’re trying to do it like the idol survival auditions that are so popular these days.”

Seo Eun-jae’s voice gradually faded, even though no one said anything. 

He even seemed to be trembling a little. 

This is a look I don’t remember. 

In my memory, Seo Eun-jae on this day was telling me about <Casting With Your Own Hands> as if he was doing me a favor.

‘Was he originally like this?’

Somehow, my mind became a little hazy.

Before I died, I thought that Seo Eun-jae’s actions of telling me about this audition were like a condescending act of caring for the weak while also teasing them. 

And when I heard that he was also going to appear and that he was going to become an actor, I thought my head would explode.

‘Why? Why? Why you? You stole my place even when we were idol trainees, and now you’re going to take away the place where I can stand forever? You succeeded as an idol, so now you’re bored, and you want the actor title because it looks good?’

I think I was thinking like that. 

Thinking about it now, it was a pathetic thought that made my face burn. 

At this time, my ego was very inflated and petty, so what.

Is it because I’m thirty, or is it because I’ve tasted a little bit of a good reaction? 

After coming back and facing him like this, I know one thing for sure. 

It’s not Seo Eun-jae’s fault that I didn’t do well. 

It’s just that I wasn’t good enough.

I didn’t want to admit that, so I made excuses that Seo Eun-jae and other successful celebrities stole my place.

‘It’s still uncomfortable, though.’

That’s because, to be honest, Seo Eun-jae is too good. 

He has everything I wanted. 

That was a truth that wouldn’t change even if I died and came back to life. 

I don’t know how to overcome that yet. 

But I’m going to go on < Casting With Your Own Hands> no matter what, and I can’t avoid him anymore since he’s also on <Pick Me With Your Own Hands>.

‘It would be wiser to use him.’

Seo Eun-jae, 1st place in <Casting With Your Own Hands>. 

He becomes the male lead in the remake of <Amelia’s Flower Shop> and successfully debuts as an actor. 

<Casting With Your Own Hands> is all about viewer votes. 

It was a friendship worth using from my point of view, as I had to be in the top 3 no matter what.

‘I want to survive.’

I want to become a successful actor and live by acting. 

In front of the desire that was clear even after death, petty pride and ridiculous guilt became nothing.

I smiled briefly. 

It was the first acting I had done since I died and came back to life.

“Thank you.”

Seo Eun-jae’s eyes widened.

“Uh, uh… brother?”

“I’ll take your words into consideration. But, are you going too?”

“Huh?”

Ah, was that too sudden? 

It was still in a state where the idol group Seo Eun-jae belonged to was fine, so saying this had room for misunderstanding.

“No, you’re an idol… I was wondering how you heard about it. I thought either one of your members was thinking about acting, or it was you.”

“Ah, right.”

Seo Eun-jae continued, looking a little relieved, as if it was good that I had asked him first.

“I’m going.”

“Hmm, okay.”

Actually, I was curious. 

Why did he, who had been doing so well as an idol, suddenly switch to acting? 

I didn’t know the exact reason even before I died. 

But I didn’t bother to say that out loud.

‘It’s good to do everything in moderation.’

If I want to use him moderately and then get out, I have to keep a certain distance from Seo Eun-jae.

‘But why is he staring at me like that?’

Was my reaction just now a little strange? 

I thought I reacted very normally, but Seo Eun-jae’s gaze, which was examining my face, was a little persistent. 

I felt burdened by that gaze, and I felt like I was done with my business, so I hurriedly wanted to leave this van.

“Anyway, thank you for taking the time to do this when you’re already so busy. Prepare well for the audition, and let’s see each other then if we can.”

I pointed to the lip balm that was still in Seo Eun-jae’s right hand.

“Don’t lose it, and take good care of your lips and body.”

Seo Eun-jae, who looked sad at my words that I was leaving, narrowed his eyes and smiled. 

He was taller than me, and the way he bent down slightly and looked up at me while smiling was unnecessarily familiar.

“Okay, brother.”

“Food too… never mind. I’m sure you’ll take care of yourself.”

Holding the audition announcement that Seo Eun-jae gave me, I waved my hand.

“I’m going.”

“Uh, brother, I’ll take you…”

“I have class.”

I got out of the van in a hurry in case Seo Eun-jae tried to stop me. 

I fiddled with my ball cap for no reason and left the parking lot. 

Until the next class… 

There’s about 30 minutes left now.

After overcoming the big mountain of returning to school, all that was left was to apply for <Casting With Your Own Hands>. 

As if waiting for it, a quest popped up.

[Main Quest | 0. Apply for the <Pick Me With Your Own Hands!> audition.]

[Prepare a self-PR video and portfolio and apply for the <Casting With Your Own Hands!> audition.]

(<Casting With Your Own Hands!> audition application email received 0/1)

[Duration: Until the audition application deadline.]

[Reward: 500 coins]

[Penalty: Failure of the Second Chance Project and death]

‘It’s pretty good, even when I look at it again.’

I was worried that the quests would be difficult, but they were better than I thought. 

It was as if they had made the things I had to do right now into main quests. 

I don’t know when I’ve lived a life with guidelines like this.

‘In that sense, being a trainee wasn’t bad.’

Because at that time, I just had to practice like crazy while looking forward to the monthly evaluation. 

Of course, I’ll have to watch and see

if these main quests will really help me in the future.

‘The penalty is terribly brutal, though…’

As if I’m doing it with my life on the line, if I fail, I’ll die right away.

At that time, as if it had noticed that I was looking at the main quest, another quest below it sparkled as if asking me to look at it too.

[Special Mission | Film a self-PR video! Use a surprise gift to film a self-PR video!]

[Tip! If you record the video filming process separately, there might be a place where you can use it!]

(Film a self-PR video 0/1)

[Deadline: Friday, March 6th]

[Reward: 1,000 coins, 5 black deer musk]

[Penalty: None]

[This quest is a mission from the representative patron god, ‘Butterfly’s Wingbeat’, and has the same compulsiveness as the main quest.]

[Even if there is no penalty set by the patron god, a penalty will be imposed under the decision of the channel management committee if it is not fulfilled more than 3 times.]