“You’re already a mother. Why are you still so shy?” Su Liumeng quickly caught up and whispered beside my ear.
I shot her a pitiful glare, rolling my eyes cutely.
“You make it sound like I’ve been through so much and got dumped in the end.”
I reached out my fair hand and poked her arm repeatedly.
“Don’t tell me… you see yourself as a stepmom?”
That’s not something you should say lightly.
I already had a pretty good grasp on the ghost baby’s personality. With her temperament, she would absolutely never accept a second person. At most, she might just stay out of my love life.
“I’m not… a stepmom?” Su Liumeng’s eyes wavered.
“So disappointed—can’t believe I’m not even the stepmom.”
Watching her exaggerated expression and dramatic breathing, I suddenly pouted and huffed, “Alright already! Who clings to me and acts spoiled all the time like you do? Don’t you have any dignity as a noble lady?”
“At least, in that topic just now… I’m me, and the baby is the baby. Just because you’re dating me doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for the baby too.”
“It’s not like she can’t take care of herself.” I muttered quieter and quieter.
That was true. The ghost baby could handle herself just fine. “Taking responsibility” in this case probably meant raising a child, right?
I knew that dating Su Liumeng while I had a child would probably bring her extra burdens. But… it’s not like I wanted things to be this way either.
Su Liumeng could tell the girl in front of her seemed a little upset—probably hurt by that “stepmom” comment.
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have joked about being a stepmom.”
Compared to her own maturity, Xinxin actually seemed more like the one who needed to be comforted. Su Liumeng reminded herself silently…
She had already turned eighteen last month. Why couldn’t she be a bit more stable? Two people with mismatched maturity rarely make it to the end.
She needed to adjust to her current role better. As for being clingy or acting spoiled—she should probably do less of that going forward.
There are many paths to maturity. Some are forced by painful experiences. But she—Su Liumeng—preferred to be the one who chose to grow.
Just like how she immediately adjusted her sexual orientation the moment she learned Xinyan’s gender.
In this relationship, she was the one constantly learning and choosing to sacrifice.
Su Liumeng saw things clearly. This wasn’t about being a simp or a doormat. If you want to pursue someone who never liked you before, how could you expect not to pay any price at all?
She stared at the dreamlike blush on the girl’s face, listened to her sweet, crisp voice as she gently tugged at her arm and looked up cautiously at her, and in that moment—Su Liumeng felt it was all worth it.
Because—
In those deeply affectionate eyes, Su Liumeng saw her own reflection.
She hadn’t fallen for the wrong person.
*****
At the bench, I had already gotten used to smoothing out my skirt before sitting down.
“You said last time that by feeling my pulse, you could tell the baby’s gender. But all you mentioned were my health issues—you didn’t say a single word about the gender.”
Su Liumeng had just thrown the wet and dry tissues she used to wipe the wooden bench into the trash can. As she came back, she overheard me looking at her with bright eyes, saying those words.
She was momentarily at a loss for words and a little embarrassed. “You… still remember that?”
I glanced at her sideways, my expression odd.
“Why wouldn’t I? My world is really small—only a few people I can count on one hand. So of course I remember what you said to me.”
And I added quietly in my heart: I’m not like you. I don’t have your colorful life. I don’t know nearly as many people.
After leaving the Su family, the freedom I longed for turned out to be a little monotonous and lonely—but at least it made me happy.
For the first time, Su Liumeng felt a sense of guilt.
The girl in front of her was just too pure. Despite having deep thoughts, she still chose to trust others.
And that made Su Liumeng’s heart feel incredibly complicated.
“If I could really tell a baby’s gender just by feeling a pulse, I’d be applying for a world-class biology award tomorrow,” Su Liumeng explained dryly.
She had only been joking at the time, never intending to lie. But I hadn’t realized it was just a joke at all.
“So—” My big, pretty eyes slowly dulled, a look of disbelief on my face. “You tricked me?”
“You just made up some excuse to examine me?”
“That’s not it,” Su Liumeng replied, clearly lacking confidence.
“You—” I was completely speechless. “And here I actually trusted you.”
Su Liumeng’s voice grew even smaller. “It was just a casual joke… I never expected you wouldn’t catch on and would actually cooperate so seriously. Normally, you’d see right through that kind of thing. But instead, you just reached your hand out without hesitation…”
I was even more speechless. I recalled that moment—me stretching out my little hand to cooperate—Su Liumeng was clearly surprised at first. But then, with a mix of expectation and guilt, she pretended to stay calm and placed her fingers on my wrist to check my pulse.
Lies don’t hurt people. The truth is what cuts like a knife.
Perfect.
I wasn’t angry that Su Liumeng had lied to me—I was frustrated with myself for not realizing it.
It felt just like when two friends of the same caliber are joking around—one cracks a harmless joke, and the other completely misses the cue. Embarrassing.
Who else could I blame?
I felt like a puffed-up pufferfish.
It was like discovering for the first time that I was an idiot—working hard before every exam, yet always coming in last. There’s a kind of helpless resignation in that… and a bitterness at my own shortcomings.
Sure, sometimes I pretend to be clueless—but that doesn’t mean I actually want to be a fool.
Su Liumeng noticed my faint disappointment and offered a bit of encouragement: “It’s normal to get a little scatterbrained during pregnancy. Once we’ve had the baby, you’ll be back to being the same Xinyan who could spar with me for 300 rounds!”
I let out a slow sigh. After a few seconds of discouragement, I finally came to terms with it.
“The battlefield’s gone. How could we possibly fight 300 rounds again?”
Even though I wanted to keep up my pride and argue back, reality kept reminding me—I was now a pregnant college girl, no longer that bright and carefree teenager.
I was learning to accept that I’d really gotten duller.
A moment later, I slowly lowered my head and looked at the fingers gently stroking my belly. There was a complex expression in my eyes—one that Su Liumeng couldn’t read.
“Are you thinking about the baby?” Su Liumeng moved a little closer. I could smell the faint fragrance from her hair, and a mischievous strand brushed against my arm with a ticklish touch in the breeze.
“No… I’m thinking about myself.” My eyes weren’t exactly hollow, but everything I looked at started to blur—like I had lost focus entirely.
“Su Liumeng, what do you think I am, really?” I tilted my head and suddenly asked.
“What do you mean? You’re… you’re Xinyan, aren’t you?” I’d asked so vaguely that she didn’t really understand what I was trying to say.
Now wasn’t the time to be melancholic. I didn’t want to overthink life or anything like that.
It was just… I’d always had one question lingering inside me: How do others see me?
As a boy who completely abandoned his past, chose life and survival, and humbly accepted a ghost baby?
I shook my head and didn’t ask Su Liumeng the question I knew she couldn’t answer.
Dignity and survival are two entirely separate things.
If you’re truly alone in the world—how could you ever hope to have both?
I let out a sudden self-deprecating laugh, quietly discarding what little “male dignity” I had left.
In my eighteen years of life, I’d only learned one thing—whatever you do, you must take it seriously.
Since I’d already decided to accept the ghost infant, I shouldn’t be hesitating anymore.
This time—it should be the last time, right?
I’m someone who values rituals. No matter what happens, whether I gain or lose something, I always look back on my past.
I slowly tilted my beautiful face upward and gazed at the countless drifting white clouds in the sky.
The blue above was a clarity I’d never seen before.
Through layer after layer of clouds, I seemed to glimpse a young and delicate face smiling and waving at me.
My lips curved upward in a smile as well.
“Su Liumeng, it’s time to move forward.”
I rose from the chair, then quietly murmured in my heart:
Goodbye.
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