“You’re saying… I’m your writing material?”
Anyone would be a little surprised and confused upon hearing that they’d become someone’s writing material.
I knew Su Liumeng was writing about her experiences, but I never thought of myself being grouped into that category of ‘material.’
Now that I hear it, though, it actually feels kind of novel… and subtle.
“Mhm, for my personal Weibo.”
I walked slowly over to Su Liumeng, first curled my lips a bit, then took the blanket she was holding.
“Give it to me, I’ll go wash it for you.”
“No, no need.” Su Liumeng answered almost instinctively.
She still wanted to sleep with it tonight.
In all these lonely days and nights without Yanshen, her loneliness was hard to describe.
Now that she finally had a substitute, of course she wanted to treasure it.
But my grip was getting stronger and it looked like I was about to take it away, so Su Liumeng could only raise the stakes again.
There was really no helping it. Su Liumeng sighed silently to herself—frustrated that her favorability score wasn’t high enough. She could only guard her empty room alone, without a sweet and soft Xinxin to hug while sleeping.
“Let go,” I blinked my pretty eyes, puzzled. “Why won’t you give it to me?”
“Didn’t you just say it had a smell, and that’s why you sniffed it?”
What?
Su Liumeng suddenly fell silent.
What kind of bizarre logic was that? She was shocked—more than that, she was amazed at my level of innocence. To think I’d misunderstood to such a degree…
How was she supposed to explain this?
If she said it outright, wouldn’t it make her seem like a total creep?
And if I kept misunderstanding like this, wouldn’t that be even worse? Su Liumeng figured that even if she cried out in injustice, no one would believe her. She wasn’t a pervert—just… a little lovesick.
So Su Liumeng stayed quiet.
Because, suddenly, she remembered what she used to do on lonely nights before she had any interaction with Yanshen.
Yeah… not something suitable to tell Xinxin.
“Why aren’t you talking?”
“Just give it to me already.” I pouted, a bit annoyed. I tried grabbing it a few times, but Su Liumeng never let go.
Of course I understood. Everyone has their own sense of cleanliness.
If you use someone else’s things, you should wash them. That’s just basic courtesy.
That’s why I came back to the balcony in the first place—and ended up catching this scene.
Looking at the complicated emotions in my eyes, Su Liumeng suddenly panicked. Almost on reflex, she rushed to explain the situation:
“I didn’t mean anything bad, really. I was just smelling to see what the scent was. There’s no need to wash it—it’s only been used once.”
She really—really—loved me too much.
“Then… what does it smell like?” My eyes started to glaze over.
“Sweet. Really good. I wanted to keep smelling it,” Su Liumeng said.
She was only a little taller than me, so I could clearly see the pure, sincere emotion in her eyes—without a trace of filth, just burning passion.
Being looked at like that, I felt something stir deep inside me, something starting to burn.
For some reason, the words “dry wood meets wildfire” popped into my mind.
No wonder people say that when a man and a woman stay alone together for long enough, things are bound to get… less than pure.
I still hadn’t fully adjusted to my current identity. In my head, I still saw myself more as a male university student who’d been pregnant for nearly two months. Weird, right? But that’s just how I thought of myself.
“I didn’t smell anything…” My thoughts broke off. Su Liumeng was still in front of me. I asked, dryly.
Maybe… it wasn’t that I hadn’t smelled it before.
It was a scent I usually wouldn’t notice, but occasionally—like after being gone a long time and suddenly returning to my room—I’d catch a whiff of it on the blanket.
Then, over time, my body got used to it, and I stopped noticing altogether.
It didn’t smell like body wash. More like… something that had been marinated.
My expression got cuter and cuter until Su Liumeng finally couldn’t take it anymore. She hugged me tightly.
Wrapped me up in her arms.
By my ears, all I could hear was her giddy, silver-bell laughter. I had the sinking feeling she was about to gobble me up whole.
“That’s right, this is the smell—my soft, fragrant Xinxin.”
Just in time, I reached out a small hand and stopped her face from pressing against mine.
“No kissing.”
“Huh?” Su Liumeng looked a little confused.
Panic rising inside, I hadn’t thought of a proper excuse—so I blurted out a clumsy one:
“It’s bad for the baby.”
—Deep in my sea of consciousness.
A small dumpling was clapping her hands in agreement. “That’s right, that’s right. It’s bad for the baby.”
“Anyway, no hugging allowed.”
She had just woken up.
She had been modifying her cultivation technique, but eventually couldn’t hold on and fell into a deep sleep for most of the day. Just as she woke up, she happened to hear that line.
For some reason, it made her a little happy.
A shameless noble lady actually thought she could compete with her in terms of importance? What a joke—know your place!!!
*****
Outside.
Su Liumeng’s eyes were complicated. Even though the two of them hadn’t officially confirmed their relationship, she could already feel that Si Xinyan no longer rejected her.
But—
Whenever it came time to take the next step, Si Xinyan would always instinctively resist.
Su Liumeng was a little troubled.
She could understand Si Xinyan’s personality. She knew that deep down, she was conservative. But she just couldn’t wait to make things official.
At that thought, Su Liumeng suddenly took a deep breath.
Well, it’s fine. It must be because the affection level isn’t high enough yet.
She believed that as long as she stayed sincere and persistent, one day, she’d be able to fully enter Si Xinyan’s heart.
*****
Seeing that Su Liumeng didn’t try anything more, I secretly let out a breath of relief.
I was honestly afraid she’d push harder.
Because… I’m not very good at firmly rejecting people.
Maybe if she kept pressing, something really would happen.
But if something did actually happen… I don’t think I’d be completely willing.
Just like the ghost baby said—
What I’m most drawn to is her appearance. We’ve only just started to open up emotionally; how could things so easily progress into full physical and emotional intimacy?
All that talk about being rigid or other people’s opinions about me—I never really accepted that.
Is it wrong to be responsible to myself? To be responsible for love?
Should I really act like other young people these days—barely knowing each other and already doing everything, whether it’s appropriate or not? Is that really the “right” way?
Everyone has their own worldview. There’s no absolute right or wrong. It’s just about choosing the lifestyle that makes you feel more comfortable.
Life is already exhausting enough. If it’s not a matter of great importance, I no longer have the heart or the energy to argue over right and wrong.
Su Liumeng saw I was still spacing out and thought I was sinking into another bout of depression.
She reached out and shook me gently.
“Don’t overthink it. Come sit on the couch for a bit.”
“You can watch the cartoon you like.”
It’s not that I like it… it’s that the baby does…
I gradually snapped out of it and silently added that thought in my heart.
The living room lights were already on.
I nodded and sat properly on the couch, my posture upright like a primary school student.
“You left the Su family, but you still act like you haven’t.”
“Just a habit.”
The TV was still playing the same children’s channel as last time—it hadn’t been changed.
“I’m heading out for a bit. Wait at home, and if you get hungry, eat some beef jerky,” Su Liumeng called out as she vanished from the living room.
I was already used to her comings and goings.
But I still wasn’t used to her habit of reporting everything she was about to do.
Could it be—
She’s afraid I’ll overthink things again?
There was a book placed on the coffee table. I listened to the cartoon playing in the background while reading through the contents of the book.
It was a cookbook about delicious dishes, almost every page accompanied by illustrations.
Su Liumeng liked spicy food too, but lately she had been adjusting to suit me. All the meals she made had been leaning towards the bland side.
I slowly flipped to one page, and my fingertips pressed a little harder against it.
Maybe… if I learn to make a dish she likes, it’ll count as a nice surprise?
I pursed my lips, uncertain. Then, gradually, I convinced myself.
An apology like this… should still be considered sincere enough.
The TV in the living room was still playing children’s programs. I was fully focused on studying the contents of the cookbook.
The cartoon wasn’t for me to watch, after all.
Since it’s for prenatal education, of course it’s meant for the baby.
So whether I watched it or not, whether I listened or not, didn’t matter at all.
At that moment, the little ghost baby who had long been suffering from the noisy pollution finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Can you please watch something else?”
“Why do you always like watching such childish stuff?”
The things I like… Childish? My small hand, flipping through the pages of the book, suddenly froze.
The ghost baby reached out with her chubby little hands and covered her ears tightly—but it was no use.
Because this wasn’t her real body.
She was only a ghost form residing deep in the sea of consciousness, so how could she possibly have real ears to cover?
The little dumpling got a bit angry and stood up abruptly.
However, she didn’t make a fuss over such a small matter. Instead, she wanted to talk about something else—a much more important misunderstanding.
She had been waiting inside the sea of consciousness for a long time, finally catching a moment when Si Xinyan was alone.
“I have something I want to talk to you about.”
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