“Be grateful to me, kid. I’ve helped you completely sever this troublesome relationship.”
“…”
The ‘self’ that was gradually dissipating into dregs boasted to Nanxi about the bitter drama he had just performed.
As for Nanxi, he didn’t want to comment on the matter.
Indeed, the boy wanted to end this awkward relationship that was doomed to have no outcome, but he himself was just as awkward as the relationship, and he wanted to end it in a gentle way.
The boy understood that if he used a gentle method, he would give Huang Muzhi hope—false hope.
This was something the boy didn’t want to see, so he had to be firm.
But as we said, Nanxi was an awkward person.
He could have relations with women he knew, but he couldn’t tolerate emotions between them. For the current boy, the woman he loved would always be only that one.
To the boy, this was just a forced relationship, not a betrayal of his master. At worst, it was an unavoidable force.
Although the root of this matter was the consequence of the boy angering his ‘self.’
Nanxi selectively forgot about this, and on the matter of his relationship with Huang Muzhi, the boy also selectively forgot one thing.
That is, severing this relationship itself would bring harm to the woman, and no matter how gentle the method, it was useless.
And Nanxi doing this was just to find an excuse for himself, to comfort himself.
It was the so-called self-deception.
The authorities are confused, while the bystanders are clear.
The ‘self’ in the boy’s heart saw this clearly, so in the remaining bit of time, he immediately made the best choice.
After all, Nanxi could pin this matter on his ‘self.’
The method to make a half-good, not-so-bad person do bad things is actually very simple: just don’t let him bear the responsibility.
And Nanxi happened to be this kind of half-good, not-so-bad person.
This was also one of the reasons why he didn’t retort at his ‘self’ as usual.
There was another reason: the person in front of him was about to die completely, and saying any rotten words now, Nanxi’s own conscience wouldn’t allow him to do so.
“…Is that all you have for your last words?”
After a moment of silence, the boy asked with a tone tinged with lament.
“What else do you expect me to say? Or are you pitying me, planning to listen to me talk about your past deeds before I dissipate? But unfortunately, my remaining time isn’t enough to tell you those.”
“I don’t mean that. You must have some words you want to say to others before you die.”
“Heh.”
Hearing Nanxi’s words, his ‘self’ returned a mocking smile to the boy, just like the countless times before.
“Don’t go all soft-hearted on me, damn it. I’m at least you, and I can see that you’re pitying me. Put it away. I’m not a living being that truly existed; all the memories are just inherited from your past self. I’m just memories destined to dissipate…”
His ‘self’ paused for a moment, then took a deep breath and said regretfully.
So I won’t sum up any last words or anything. Who would listen to my last words anyway? But if you really want to hear it, I can reluctantly say one nonsensical sentence.
In the next life, if there is a next life, I hope I can become a real living being.
That’s it. And it’s best if you and I part forever; I never want to be a nanny for a stinking kid like you again.”
With the end of the last complaining sentence, his ‘self’ completely disappeared in this profoundly dark space.
And Nanxi also woke up from a night’s sleep, feeling his heart much lighter.
To be honest, thinking this way was quite immoral, but this was indeed Nanxi’s true feeling.
He no longer had to worry about when that voice would pop up and say some sarcastic words, no longer had to feel that cold excitement when killing, no longer had to bear some unspeakable mission.
From now on, he was himself, the complete Nanxi, an ordinary boy who loved his master, wanted to be a great hero, and was a bit awkward and selfish.
“Sigh…”
After sighing, Nanxi got up from the ground covered with straw. Last night, he had slept in this dilapidated City God Temple.
This was also a common thing in storybooks: the heroine wandering outside, eating in the wind and sleeping in the dew, sleeping in a dilapidated City God Temple at night, then waking up in the middle of the night to find the hero coincidentally hiding from bandits’ pursuit, and then saving the beauty or something…
Of course, Nanxi didn’t have this “good luck.” He tidied up the hemp gray clothes stained with dust and straw on his body, tied up his snow-white long hair, and was about to leave this ruined temple.
Before leaving, he even bowed to the clay statue of the City God. It wasn’t that Nanxi believed in ghosts and gods, but doing so felt more like a jianghu person.
Then Nanxi set foot on the road.
Of course, currently, Nanxi had no destination to speak of. If he had to say, it should be to return to Huaniang Town to find his master, but he didn’t know where he was.
Now, Nanxi had to follow the main road to find a town or small village, then hurry to a city, so he could decide the subsequent journey.
To be honest, Nanxi felt that his master was already on the way to find him, and going back north now felt unnecessary.
But let’s take it one step at a time.