Looking at everything frozen in place, Nanxi knew that “himself” had made a move.
“You actually still have power to this extent—truly exaggerated. Everything before my eyes has turned from motion to stillness.”
Just saying it wasn’t satisfying enough, so the youth walked up to Madam Xuanji and poked her cheek with his index finger.
“Huh?”
Nanxi was puzzled because the seemingly soft cheek in front of him didn’t give him a real sensation.
Not believing it, the youth poked again; still no feeling came through, but the voice that followed his action gave him the answer.
“It’d be strange if there was a sensation—this is the heart realm, after all. The things before your eyes are nothing but illusory scenes constructed from the memories in your mind, borrowing my power. Even at my full strength, I couldn’t pause the human realm like this. Probably only the heavenly dao or true gods could pause a domain, but I don’t know about that.”
The “himself” sitting on the illusory beach, playing in the water, spouted a bunch of hard-to-understand words.
“Then what’s the situation outside now?”
The youth asked calmly; even if he didn’t understand the situation, he wasn’t panicking.
After all, no matter how much he panicked, the current Nanxi couldn’t do anything.
“Just like that. Although I can’t pause the flow of the universe, I can control the flow speed of the universe in the heart realm. Now, if you stay here for a day, outside it’s only a breath.”
“Then I’m at ease. So, do you have a way to break the deadlock?”
Faced with the youth’s question, “himself” shook his head and shrugged.
“…No way, huh? Then I’m going back.”
Seeing there was no method, the youth turned around; the exit from the heart realm appeared with his thought, and the “himself” behind him spoke up.
“Wait… Don’t you know that once you go out, it’s just a dead end?”
“I know, but if even you have no way, then I’m too lazy to struggle. I don’t want to make pointless resistance and then get the people around me killed.”
“…”
After hearing the youth’s answer, “himself” stopped playing in the water.
The illusory scene before his eyes gradually collapsed—whether it was Madam Xuanji in front of him or Huang Muzhi far to the side.
Sky, earth, clouds, sea—like cracking wall paint, they gradually faded, turned into fragments, and then disappeared into endless darkness.
Then everything reconstructed itself; they gradually formed the appearance from when the youth and “himself” first met—a sky red as blood, a sun black as ink, and a terrifying land covered in bones.
“Himself” casually tossed aside a few bones, making a barely sittable area in one spot.
Then he sat down on it, looking extremely carefree—legs spread apart, hands casually propped on bones from who-knows-what part, his face terrifyingly cold, no longer wearing that sly smile.
“You actually don’t have that sly smile on your face? Truly rare.”
“No need for it anymore, because it was only until just now that I realized we aren’t the same person. And I only like fooling myself, but you—you aren’t ‘me’.”
Although the smile on “himself’s” face had disappeared, Nanxi now had a smile.
He was very happy that the person in front of him, who looked exactly like him, had finally recognized the truth.
“Now that you say it, I realize—you finally didn’t use ‘I’ to replace ‘you.’ Before, when you spoke, you always used I, I, I to refer to me, instead of you. Normally, you’d use ‘you’ to refer to Nanxi this person. I thought it was some grammatical error, but it turns out you truly believed from the bottom of your heart that I am you?”
“Yes, but I just realized—you aren’t me. I could never abandon myself for another person—absolutely impossible.”
“Strange judgment. I’m starting to get curious—just how selfish are you to use this reason to determine who you are?”
Looking at Nanxi’s utterly cheap expression, “himself” suddenly realized how hateful he had been before.
“Don’t get happy, kid. In the end, you’re still me; I just feel like we aren’t the same person anymore. I once heard a story—roughly meaning that in different growth environments, the same person can become two different appearances. Now it seems that’s true.”
“Me and I can really become two people, huh.”
Listening to these foggy words, Nanxi’s brain was a bit overwhelmed; he could only say somewhat dazedly.
“Stop, stop, stop—we two are really having a heavenly conversation. So many yous and Is have already confused me. Can you make a simple summary?”
Hearing this, “himself” thought for a moment, then said.
“In terms of the divine soul, we are the same individual, but in thinking and behavior, we aren’t the same. According to my own summary, it’s the difference between having love and not having love.”
After saying this, “himself” fell into a brief silence, and after the silence, “himself” spoke.
“Under sunlight and rain nourishment, flowers always grow better than those without light or water, right? Even if it’s the same plant. That’s what I mean.”
“I get it, more or less, but…”
Before the words were finished, an index finger had already blocked the youth’s mouth; the “himself” in front of him didn’t want to give him a chance to speak.
“This is my last words; the only thing you have to do is listen. Understand?”
Nanxi nodded.
Although there were many things he was puzzled about, driven by curiosity, he wouldn’t speak.
“How should I put it? I know you’re not curious about what kind of person you were before, so I won’t show or tell you my experiences. I’m not here to pour out bitterness; I have no desire to complain about my life. I just want you to know that what you possess is what I once longed for.”
As he spoke, “himself’s” pain surfaced on his face.
This made Nanxi unable to help wanting to open his mouth to comfort the “himself” in front of him. The youth didn’t know where the idea came from, but he just wanted to do it.
“Don’t pity me. You know, truly pitying yourself from the bottom of your heart is an incomparably sad thing. Just listen to me—that’s enough. Unlike you, I don’t have anyone who loves me. Beauty, power, fear—the people following me only fit these three categories. They are scum who crave me because of desires.”
“These words are hard to hear, right? But it’s the truth. You have these people around you too. Think carefully—besides your master, which woman isn’t craving you for that face of yours and behaviors that suit their tastes?”
The youth looked at “himself’s” nearly deranged expression; he couldn’t say words of rebuttal because the facts were indeed like that, but the youth had a different view on this.
“We mortals are creatures with desires. Craving because of beauty, and loving even more because it sufficiently matches one’s own ideas—this isn’t something to be condemned. It’s very normal and won’t be condemned.”
Nanxi said this as a matter of course.
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