Chapter 48: Dissolve: His Last Choice

Hm.

Instead of continuing with the next line, Yoon Jooho flipped the script over and set it down on his thigh. 

It was a signal to stop the rehearsal. 

His tightly sealed lips made Song Hyunsoo uneasy.

“What did you say at the afterparty on the first day of table reading?”

“At the afterparty? You told me to go find a job, remember?”

“No, not what I said. What you said. You said Baek Kang was Lee San’s brother, friend, hero… didn’t you even call him his first love?”

“I did. But why bring that up?”

“I thought it was a pretty good interpretation.”

“…Seriously?”

It felt like being summoned to the teacher’s office expecting to get chewed out, only to be unexpectedly praised instead. 

More than joy, what he felt was confusion.

Jooho nodded and reached for the coffee cup on the table.

“A blind obsession, yet at the same time, a terrifyingly pure emotion. If you interpret Lee San’s feelings for Baek Kang that way… doesn’t it resemble a first love?”

He raised the coffee cup to his lips and gave a shrug.

“Not all first loves are as innocent as midsummer sunlight, right?”

Yeah, I’m guessing your first love probably wasn’t anything like midsummer sunlight.

“But the real question is, how are you going to convey that brilliant interpretation to the audience?”

“……”

“Your acting right now doesn’t show any of that pure madness.”

“Pure madness? What am I, a ‘handsome ugly guy’ or something? That’s way too hard.”

“You said you learned a bunch at that theater troupe.”

“Ugh, that troupe…”

At the mention of the troupe, Hyunsoo averted his eyes and muttered. 

His lips and facial muscles twitched on their own.

“What now?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’?”

Jooho closed the script completely and set it down on the table. 

Then he looked at Hyunsoo with a tilted gaze.

“I knew something was off about you today.”

“Me?”

“Well, who else is here?”

“I was just focused on practice.”

“That’s exactly what’s weird. You’re unusually quiet, only focusing on practice that’s suspicious.”

“So I get scolded even when I’m trying hard?”

“This isn’t about trying hard. Honestly, it feels like you’re not focusing at all. That’s why I’m asking.”

“……”

Jooho leaned back into his chair, crossed his legs, and took a sip of coffee making it clear that he wasn’t going to resume until he got a confession. 

He could wait all day. 

His stubborn posture radiated that kind of resolve.

Hyunsoo leaned forward, resting both elbows on his thighs, fingers tightly interlaced. 

His hands fidgeted nonstop, and he chewed on his lower lip.

Time passed in that silence.

“…Are you okay, sunbae?”

He had to wring out every ounce of courage just to ask that one question. 

Ever since Jooho’s father’s interview came out, he’d wanted to ask but couldn’t bring himself to.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… everything. All the stuff that’s been happening lately…”

The comments under today’s article, too…

But he couldn’t bring himself to say that part out loud, and let the sentence trail off vaguely.

Jooho slowly blinked and met Hyunsoo’s eyes.

Why are you asking about me, when I’m asking about you?—his head tilted slightly, as if puzzled.

Hyunsoo swallowed dryly and wetted his lips with his tongue. 

But once he started speaking, something inside him began to boil over. 

The look in his eyes as he faced Jooho grew steadily more intense.

“Can’t you just sue all those haters?”

Jooho, who had been quietly staring at him, picked up his pack of cigarettes. 

He pulled one out and stuck it between his lips, then extended the open pack toward Hyunsoo with a raised brow— Want one?

Hyunsoo took one from the pack.

Jooho lit his cigarette first, took a long drag, then flicked some dust off his pants with his other hand.

“So. What happened that your story ended up leading to my haters?”

“I was with a theater troupe for about a year, trying to learn acting.”

“I know.”

“You… you know?”

“The PD told me. I even brought up the troupe earlier, didn’t I?”

“Oh. Right.”

Taking a nervous puff or two, Hyunsoo continued.

“I got cast in a movie, so I had to quit the troupe. I went to tell them that today.”

He told Jooho what happened with the senior from the troupe leaving out the part where the guy talked trash about Jooho.

After hearing it all, Jooho tapped his cigarette into the ashtray and pressed his fingers firmly against his eyelids.

“So what, you thought that guy was gonna congratulate you or something?”

“Not congratulate me, necessarily… but he didn’t have to curse me out either.”

“Look, kid. Just how long have you been sniffing around this industry?”

“……”

“Didn’t you say something about having thick skin or whatever?”

“So, you’re saying I was wrong?”

The words burst out louder than intended, emotion choking her voice. 

Song Hyunsoo stared straight at Yoon Jooho, who slowly shook his head.

“No, you did great. You’re acting with Yoon Jooho in Director Jung Joonhee’s <Dissolve>. That’s a win for you.”

“……”

“You did well, and that’s why you’re doing well. That sunbae bastard’s just jealous.”

“So you’re saying I should just put up with it?”

“No. I’m saying enjoy it.”

“Enjoy it? I’m so pissed I could explode.”

“If you want to survive here, you need the guts to smile while soaking in jealousy like it’s nothing.”

“……”

“People who’ll truly congratulate you? You only need one or two. You do have someone like that, don’t you?”

“I do. For starters, Ji—”

“Yeah, yeah. Jung Jin’s probably one of them.”

Yoon Jooho waved her off mid-sentence, like he’d heard the name one too many times.

“So you’re saying you’re really okay with all this?”

Just one or two genuine people dilutes the malice of the crowd? 

No way. It never worked that way for Choi Hongseo either.

Yoon Jooho didn’t answer. He only looked at her, a faint, bitter smile on his lips.

Hyunsoo shook her head and clenched her left hand into a tight fist— the one not holding a cigarette.

“How could anyone be okay with this? Of course I’m not.”

She tried to hold it in, her eyes wide open with effort, but the tears finally came. 

She shot up from the couch, dropped the cigarette in the ashtray, and marched toward the floor-to-ceiling window. 

Her hand swiped roughly at her cheeks.

“I heard you don’t cry much.”

“I really don’t. I’m known for being a cold-hearted bitch. But this? This only happens when I’m furious and feel cornered.”

Even when that senior threw a tantrum, she’d somehow held it in.

Outside, the world was cloaked in gray. 

Thick, low-hanging clouds looked ready to pour snow at any moment.

She could see the faint reflection of Yoon Jooho in the window as he stubbed out her cigarette.

“You’ve got money, don’t you? Hire a whole truckload of lawyers and make an example out of them. People who talk shit should be made to eat their own words.”

“They’re like cockroaches.”

His voice behind her was steady, almost calm. 

Hyunsoo turned back to face him.

“Cockroaches?”

“You kill one, poison another, but if you kill this bastard, then that bastard comes crawling out, and if you kill him, yet another one shows up. Always crawling out from somewhere.”

Looking at his face, she realized it wasn’t calmness— it was resignation.

“So you’re just going to let them run wild?”

Yoon Jooho stretched out an arm and flicked some ash away before exhaling a long sigh.

“Hyunsoo.”

“……”

“What is it you’re so worried about?”

I thought Hongseo would be fine. 

Sure, the hate comments got to him sometimes, but he was tough. 

Stronger than anyone I knew mentally and emotionally. 

I thought he’d never let them get to him.

I really did. 

But… he wasn’t okay, was he?

Maybe the hate comments weren’t the direct cause of Choi Hongseo’s death. 

There were so many tangled reasons, and after years of enduring it all, he was already hanging by a thread. 

Just the fact that he’d held on that long— it was a miracle.

But still, if only there hadn’t been so many people tearing into him like wolves. 

If just that one thing hadn’t existed… maybe he wouldn’t have made that choice. 

That thought never left her mind.

“Sunbae.”

“……”

“If you ever need someone to drink with, talk to, just… call me.”

Hyunsoo walked back to the couch and sat down. 

His voice was steadier now, more composed.

“You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about.”

“Exactly right.”

“I figured you’d say that. But listen.”

“……”

“Having someone to talk to over a drink? It matters more than you think.”

Hongseo barely drank. 

But he once said they should grab a drink sometime. 

That was his way of saying he wanted to talk.

He understood now what he’d wanted to say, what he’d needed to get off his chest. 

But now… he’d never get the chance to hear it.

You asked what I’m so worried about? 

I’m worried that even someone like you who looks like you’ve got it all together might be breaking apart inside too.