Jiang Lai still remembered the day of her wife’s funeral.
The scene was desolate, so bleak it felt almost lonely.
At the grave, as the last pillar of the family, Jiang Lai’s tears welled in her eyes, silently falling, but she didn’t dare cry out loud.
She couldn’t let herself break down, not when so many people were relying on her.
She could only cry in private, where no one would worry.
Her parents, her wife’s underage sister, and most importantly, their toddler daughter who had just learned to walk—all were waiting for her to carry on.
“Brother-in-law… will you abandon us too…?”
Chi Yingyu’s voice was filled with sobs and trembling.
After learning of her sister’s condition, she cried every day, her eyes swollen red, turning herself into a tear-streaked mess.
Jiang Lai looked at her wife’s sister, wanting to hug her, but her trembling hand hesitated, afraid her touch might break Chi Yingyu.
Chi Yingyu was so frail now, having barely eaten in days.
A heavy touch might make her collapse.
“No, I’ll always be by your side… I’ll always be your family, and that will never change in this lifetime.”
Jiang Lai clenched her fists, trying to suppress her sobs.
When her wife passed, she didn’t know what to do.
Since high school, she had never imagined life without her.
It felt like one moment she was by her side, and now she was gone forever.
In that moment of loss, Jiang Lai even considered suicide.
She couldn’t bear losing the love of her life.
But if she left too, what would happen to their daughter?
How would a child who lost her mother live her life?
Tears in her eyes, Jiang Lai looked at her daughter, Jiang Leyi, clinging to her clothes.
Jiang Leyi was the only one not crying, but her silence was deafening, her vacant eyes fixed on her mother’s name on the tombstone.
“Will Mommy really never come back?”
Jiang Leyi, too young to grasp life and death, only knew her mother was gone forever, unable to express the pain of that separation.
Jiang Lai swallowed her tears, her voice hoarse as she shakily stroked her daughter’s head, unsure how to answer that childish voice.
Her daughter was still young; she might forget this day as she grew, but the pain of losing her mother would linger forever.
Jiang Lai swore then to give her daughter double the love.
But in the end, she failed.
The burden of supporting the family nearly crushed her.
Caring for both sets of parents, her sister-in-law’s tuition, and giving her daughter a better life than her own consumed all her time.
To provide for everyone, Jiang Lai weighed her options and chose to sacrifice time with her daughter, pouring herself into work.
That choice drove a growing distance between them.
Even now, Jiang Lai couldn’t have a full conversation with her daughter.
***
After becoming a woman, Jiang Lai hadn’t slept well.
This time was no different—shallow, uncomfortable sleep.
Waking up after drinking, her head throbbed painfully, and the smell of alcohol lingered on her.
If she went home now, even if she could explain turning into a woman, the stench of alcohol would be enough for her daughter to resent her.
Groggily, Jiang Lai propped her frail body up from the bed.
Since becoming a woman, the stark contrast to her former strength left her feeling weak and resentful. Sometimes, she felt her current strength couldn’t even support her body.
It was so unfamiliar, but it was something she’d have to get used to.
She was no longer a man, and there would be many unimaginable things to adapt to.
The fact of becoming a woman felt horrifying, inexplicable by reality, yet it had undeniably happened to her.
Jiang Lai couldn’t imagine how her daughter would react to her father becoming a woman.
To avoid being kicked out of her home, she considered seeking outside help.
Her daughter was already distant from her, but what about her sister-in-law?
During her daughter’s childhood, Jiang Lai missed nearly all of it.
Thanks to her sister-in-law, her daughter didn’t grow up entirely alone.
After her wife’s death, Jiang Lai took Chi Yingyu in to care for her until she graduated university.
This way, her daughter and her wife’s sister could keep each other company.
Jiang Lai’s care for her daughter was a father’s duty, but for her sister-in-law, Chi Yingyu, she felt deep guilt.
Chi Yingyu had practically raised her daughter’s childhood.
Jiang Lai vividly remembered those busy workdays when she had no time to eat, coming home at one or two in the morning.
Opening the door, she’d see Chi Yingyu waiting on the sofa, staying up late just to heat up dinner for her.
For years, not only her daughter but Jiang Lai herself was cared for by her sister-in-law.
She had taken her in to care for her, but the reality was the opposite.
Looking at her phone, Jiang Lai drafted and deleted several messages, realizing words couldn’t describe her situation.
It seemed she needed to meet Chi Yingyu in person first.
As for the meeting place… Jiang Lai thought a hotel would be best.
If her sister-in-law reacted too strongly, doing it outside would draw too much attention.
But Jiang Lai didn’t realize that a vague message, paired with a hotel address and room number, could spark wild assumptions in someone’s mind.
On the other end of the phone, Chi Yingyu stared at her brother-in-law’s message, momentarily stunned.
[I have something urgent to tell you. If you have time, can you come to this hotel? Don’t tell Leyi.]
Chi Yingyu didn’t know what could be so urgent to discuss at a hotel, or why it had to be kept from Leyi.
Could her stubborn brother-in-law finally be coming around?
A hotel of all places? 😭 She really does feel like a clueless middle aged aloof dad.