Recently, Bersia had been experiencing joyful days.
This was the most unusual thing in her life.
Indeed, if she looked back at her life up to that point, joy had always been far from her.
To be precise, the concept of joy had consistently evaded her.
It had always been like that.
A repetitive cycle of long gloom followed by short moments of rest.
It felt similar to struggling in the water.
If one were to make an analogy, the mechanism was similar to a whale she had read about in a book from her distant past.
Of course, there was a clear difference between the two.
For whales, diving and breathing were natural behaviors that didn’t cause them pain, but for Bersia, they were shackles that made her suffer even more.
At one point, she even thought that maybe it would be better to become a whale.
She wondered if, by becoming a whale, these shackles wouldn’t cause her pain anymore.
It was merely a reflection born from a severe depression, which had fabricated a sense of similarity and longing.
The key point was that there had been a time when she had felt this way.
Now, to get to the point, the essence of the story was that recently, Bersia had been drifting further from that depression.
The cause was clear.
Behind the pillar, standing behind the priestesses, was a girl who blushed and glared at her, seemingly deep in thought.
…No, should it be defined as a young man, given what was inside?
“You came to greet me?”
At Saturn’s words, Bersia nodded.
It felt as if something that had been blocking her throat had disappeared.
“Yes, since the training is over, I’ll be going ahead.”
“Hmm, take care.”
Saturn glanced around briefly, then looked a little downcast.
Her sensitive hearing picked up his mutter, “Didn’t we get closer…?” but she simply let it slide.
What that bald-headed man was thinking didn’t concern her.
What mattered to her was one thing.
Usher was there. And he needed her.
That alone was the only answer to her joy.
Bersia approached Usher with light steps.
“You didn’t have to come.”
“…I came because I had time to kill and wanted to greet you.”
Her shy, downcast gaze and murmuring words were endearing.
The red tips of her ears made her want to pinch them for no particular reason.
She could see through him easily, and with just a few clues, she could tell why he was acting this way.
Bersia had noticed that during her training, the priestesses would hide behind the pillar and exchange idle fantasies. She also knew that those fantasies, especially about masculinity, were a blow to Usher’s pride.
His usual response was to pout. But today was different.
Let’s add a new clue.
Outwardly, she was a knight who had thrown herself into protecting a saintess and had fallen into a coma before waking up. There were rumors, likely stemming from the gossip of those who loved scandal, that interpreted her actions as some sort of romantic interaction between a man and a woman. Verification was easy.
“Your face is red.”
“Eh? H-huh!”
It was just when she touched his forehead.
A faint scream could be heard from a distance.
Now it was clear what Usher had heard.
It was quite amusing.
Bersia hoped that Usher’s favor was something special, something just for her.
She acknowledged this herself, and it was an expression that implied the possibility had grown higher than before.
Her awkward, frozen, and bashful appearance reminded her of the first snow, freshly fallen and untouched.
It was like seeing pure ground that no one had stepped on, and she couldn’t help but want to leave her mark there.
Was this thirst abnormal?
She pondered briefly, but soon shook her head.
Bersia realized that she loved Usher.
It was something beyond affection between a man and a woman.
It was a pure longing towards another person, as a human, as an individual.
No matter how she thought about it, this was just one of the universal forms of longing.
“Uh, let’s go first. It’d be rude to just stand here, right?”
Usher fanned himself with his hand.
Her lips trembled as if it was hard to erase the sudden thought that had come to her mind.
Seeing him in distress made Bersia feel playful.
She smiled lightly and spoke.
“Are you not even going to give me time to wash off the sweat and dirt?”
“Ah, well, then I’ll let you go first…”
“Shall we wash together?”
“…!”
There was no one else more fitting for the expression of being so startled that the fine hairs on the back of their neck stood up. The shocked look in his eyes quickly transformed into embarrassment, and that embarrassment turned into a cute, almost playful resentment.
Bersia gave a cheeky smile and responded.
“It’s a joke. I’ll go now.”
As with all recent days, it wasn’t a bad start.
Unlike Usher, Bersia had no strong resistance to her changed body.
In some ways, she felt more comfortable in this body.
Her stamina, which didn’t easily tire, and the vitality she felt all over her body had swept away unnecessary lethargy.
Usher’s words, “A healthy body harbors a healthy mind,” made a lot of sense.
Of course, the biggest reason was that she no longer had to be Bersia de Astalion, but now, that seemed irrelevant.
No matter what she was called, as long as Usher was by her side, it didn’t matter.
That was enough to allow her to feel positive.
She could shake off her loneliness.
Even if she became the enemy of the whole world, there was a strange certainty that Usher would never be her enemy.
Of course, it wasn’t only because of that that she had found this much peace.
Bersia had come to accept that fact to some extent.
It was when she had woken up from her coma that he had told her, “Let’s both do our best in our respective places,” that she had realized.
“I don’t like those kinds of uncertainties.”
Was it divine planning, or a scheme?
She didn’t care about the reason, but what mattered was that this was the most ideal state for her.
Usher appeared beyond the mirror.
The body that defined him was in her grasp.
He wasn’t so much handsome as he was “delicate.” His androgynous appearance, while seeming fragile, was solid as a rock.
As long as she held onto this body, Usher would never be able to drift away.
He would always look at this body, growing anxious, and during that process, he would look back at the part of him inside this body.
The only advantage of this situation was that she could stop him, perhaps.
In this state, Usher, being the gentle soul he was, would likely make excuses to lock her away in a metaphorical greenhouse, and she would reluctantly accept.
She could capture his attention.
She could become special to him.
Once she got one thing, she would desire two.
No, she would desire ten.
Only now did Bersia realize that she was that kind of person.
Her gaze lowered.
Beyond the mirror, she saw her lips twist into a mocking, crooked smile.
Maybe this was something else entirely.
Just as Usher, inside her body, made expressions she couldn’t make, Bersia also wore a look Usher would never wear.
She covered her mouth.
Thump, thump.
Her heart pounded heavily.
Among the joy, a sticky feeling began to rise within her.
She closed her eyes.
No, I can’t show this expression.
The image he knew was just right as it was now.
If he were to be hurt, he would suffer to the point of not being able to eat or drink, and though he was cheeky and sly, he never betrayed the greater good.
If she stayed within that boundary, Usher would remain as he always was.
He would convey the feelings and words she desired.
I’m not deceiving him.
In fact, that image was also a genuine part of her.
She simply didn’t feel the need to show everything.
Thump- thump-
Her heart became even heavier, slower.
Her palate dried a little.
She touched her tongue to moisten it.
She comforted herself.
Bersia repeated to herself in her mind.
What she wanted, she would take slowly, and surely.
Like being dyed in it.
Just as she had been, Usher too had to be shaped in this way.
After fully composing her expression, she changed into new clothes.
She left the barracks and headed towards Usher.
A while later, she found him at the tea table in the middle of the garden, clearing his throat and looking up at the sky.
Then, he smiled brightly, perhaps having found an excuse to shake off his embarrassment.
She wished he would suffer just a little longer.
If he did, she would be the one on his mind.
After erasing her thoughts, she spoke.
“I’m here.”
“Oh, you’re here!”
“You look in a good mood?”
“Eh?”
“Did something good happen while you were alone? If that’s the case, I’m kind of upset.”
“Oh, no! It’s just that the sky is so clear…”
His flustered explanation was quite amusing.
Even in these jokes, he showed genuine concern, which made it all the more endearing.
Bersia pulled a chair next to him, sat down, and rested her chin on her hand.
Then she asked about the time she had missed.
“How was the tea party?”
Usher, always eager to talk, began chattering happily when she threw out a casual conversation starter.
Bersia liked those moments.
The outcome of the meeting was of no interest to her.
It was only at that precise moment that it mattered.
“I actually wanted to talk about that! The situation is getting worse. A first-class knight has already been defeated, and we don’t know how many more artificial witches may appear… It seems likely that the next expedition will have to be delayed!”
Bersia’s brow furrowed.
Usher, interpreting her reaction as seriousness, brightened his gaze and spoke.
“Last time, the incident occurred because we didn’t have enough information, but now we need to think about the next steps! I have a plan regarding the combat…”
Right, the work with the heretics wasn’t over yet.
As that fact settled in, a dark and murky feeling began to rise within her.
The despair and hopelessness she had felt not long ago surged back, threatening to choke her throat.
“I’m sorry to ask, but… could you teach me a defensive tactic using prayer? If the Saintess could spare just a little effort, it would help in case of an emergency…”
A bell rang in her head.
Without realizing it, she thought that she had to lock away the feelings she had and cage them, no matter what.
She had convinced herself that there was nothing more effective than that.
Why?
The question came, and without hesitation, she answered.
…Because I like you.
She wanted to be with him.
She wanted to focus on him, without distractions.
That was when she felt at ease.
Love, for that reason, brought a kind of magical coherence.
There was something that didn’t quite align, but she chose to ignore it.
Not everything could fit perfectly, right?
She would focus only on the parts that did.
Bersia reminded herself of that.
This wasn’t just for her—this was for Usher, too.
It was a way to protect him more completely.
Bersia’s lips twitched.
“By the way…”
“Oh, yes!”
Usher looked up at her, and she gave him a smile.
But her eyes didn’t reflect the same warmth.
“It seems like the whole idea of preparing for combat is wrong.”
There was no need to pick a difficult answer.
“Knight, to be honest, you’re really useless right now. Even if you prepare, what happens if you step out again and something like last time happens?”
Just a little, she needed to bring him down.
His body froze at her words.
The smile that had appeared on his face slowly faded.
The tremble in his eyes showed that he was acknowledging his own helplessness.
“…That’s true.”
He gave an awkward smile.
His lips moved, but then they shut tight.
She could see his fist clenching.
It was as intended.
She should feel satisfied.
But something felt off.
Thud
There was a slight discomfort inside her.
Usher felt as though cold water had been splashed on his head.
What Bersia pointed out had clearly made him aware of his own position.
But the feeling that followed wasn’t anger.
The emotion that arose, oddly enough, was something that vaguely touched on the very feeling Bersia had wanted from him.
Guilt.
The moment she spoke about the next expedition, he had frozen.
Smiling, yet not quite smiling with his eyes.
Speaking in sharp words.
In her appearance, Usher felt guilt.
He realized that her care for him was causing her to fear.
What should he do about it, then?
He pondered the answer, and then made his decision.
He opened his mouth right after.
Bersia had overlooked something.
“Saintess.”
Usher Therbion was a good man.
Someone who cared for others.
But,
He was the kind of man who could throw himself away for the sake of someone else.
Someone who could pity others so much that they would offer up a piece of themselves.
“Though I’ve become so weak, I’m still not helpless.”
He wasn’t the kind of person who would break under pressure.
“You can’t run away, and you can’t hide. That solves nothing.”
He was the kind of person who would crawl forward even on his knees.
“Your point about my weakness was a good one. So, without shame, may I ask for your help?”
He already had his own answer, and it was firm enough that it couldn’t be swayed by mere adversity.
“I won’t go to the most dangerous spots. Instead, please help me think of the best we can do together.”
Usher didn’t shrink from the guilt.
He didn’t let it crush him or make him weak.
Instead, he chose to embrace his own wounds, and find relief in them.
He extended his hand toward Bersia and took hers.
Looking her straight in the eyes, he smiled brightly.
“May I ask for your help?”
This was different from what Bersia had expected.
She didn’t understand responsibility as well as Usher did.