“Heaven?”
“Yes, join us on the glorious path to Heaven, let us worship together the Lord of All Things who brings an end to pain and suffering, ha—Hahahahahaha!”
Watching the man in front of me suddenly burst out laughing, I frowned. Was this guy… going insane?
He didn’t smell good either.
If I ate him, I’d probably catch something.
Thinking of that, I took a step back and hid behind Lu Xiu.
Lu Xiu looked at the man waving his hands and stomping his feet in front of him, the corner of his mouth twitching.
“I’m an agent of Yingdui Si. I believe you’re caught in an anomalous event, so I’m going to temporarily detain you.”
“No! You can’t arrest me!” The man suddenly shouted, startling the people around us so much that they retreated more than ten meters.
“Because, because… hehehe…”
He started laughing to himself again.
“Lu Xiu, I want to go home.”
We had agreed that after work today, he’d take me to the supermarket to buy things, but we hadn’t even started when we ran into this crazy guy.
I didn’t like this person.
Because he didn’t look human at all.
Lu Xiu grabbed him in one move, pinned him to the ground, and subdued him.
“Wuwuwu… it hurts, you’re hurting me! Heaven, the Lord of Heaven won’t let you go!”
He kept cursing, but Lu Xiu had already taken out his phone and called Yingdui Si.
Watching as the strange man, now restrained, was taken into the car, Lu Xiu and I sat down on a stone bench.
“I just feel like this supermarket has it out for us.”
He sighed. “First there was an explosion, now a weirdo… Can’t this world ever be quiet?”
I sipped my Kuyan Fire Village drink and stayed silent.
My mouth was full of pearl meatballs, gurgling as I drank—it tasted great.
“Haicao Tuan, what’s Heaven?”
After swallowing, I licked my lips and looked at Lu Xiu.
“No idea. Maybe something someone made up. Like those Golden Remnants or Nirvana Society, none of them are any good.”
“Oh.”
After speaking, I went back to my milk tea.
We sat there the whole afternoon, until the stone bench was scorching hot from the sun.
“Let’s go, time to eat.”
Lu Xiu stood up and walked toward the end of the street.
“Oh.”
Home, home…
I trailed behind him, shaking my empty milk tea cup, trying to suck up the last pearl, but it kept getting stuck, never quite working out.
I thought about it and couldn’t be bothered, so I just tossed the milk tea cup straight into my big mouth.
Perfect.
Dusk fell, the setting sun glowed, and there weren’t many people on the street. We looked like loafers. Lu Xiu had his hands in his pockets, walking with a swagger, while I followed behind, swaying my head.
Passersby glanced at us from time to time, looking puzzled and curious.
Then, all of a sudden, a utility pole dropped from the sky with a bang, landing right in front of me, nearly skewering me through.
I spoke in confusion, taking a closer look at the flyers on the utility pole.
“Lu Xiu, a utility pole just fell from the sky.”
I looked at him and saw he had already pulled a sword out of his pocket. “Idiot, it’s a sudden incident. Stop studying the utility pole and get ready for battle.”
“Oh, oh.”
I rubbed my hands together, getting ready for a big meal.
We dashed forward and saw a giant hamburger going berserk, pounding away at a burger shop.
“Super Invincible Burger King! Heehee, haha, hoho, hu! I’m going to eat all the humans!”
“It’s a giant burger!” My jaw dropped.
“What the hell is this thing?” Lu Xiu was completely shocked.
It seemed the burger monster had heard us. It turned its head, glaring at us with its raised tomato eyes: “I am the Burger Demon! One of The Four Kings of Hell! Kneel before me now and offer up golden fried chicken!”
“Lu Xiu, I want to eat it.”
He scratched his head. “Don’t kill it yet, I have some questions to ask.”
“Okay!”
Since he only said not to kill it, I just had to leave it barely alive.
I dashed forward at once, swinging my hand behind me, launching a volley of scarlet blades from my fingertips, linked by fine thorn chains, firing them out.
Bang, bang, bang—
Some hit tables, others shattered glass, and a few knocked down the burger shop sign. The rest stabbed into the burger monster.
“Don’t damage other property!” Lu Xiu yelled.
“Can’t hear you!” I stuck out my tongue, then yanked hard, pulling myself toward the burger. With my other hand, I unzipped my belly, revealing a gaping maw.
My massive tongue whipped around inside, drool spraying everywhere as I pounced on the Burger Demon.
With one bite, a surge of strange flavors exploded in my mouth—sweet, spicy, sour, salty…
Delicious!
I opened my mouth wider, biting into the burger bun—except inside wasn’t bread, but flesh and blood. One bite and I was supremely satisfied!
“Ahh! It hurts, it hurts! You’re killing me!”
The demon howled, thrashing everywhere to shake me off. But there was no way I was letting go of a monster born to be food for me. I clung on tighter, biting down even harder.
In the end, the demon collapsed weakly on the ground, covered in bite marks, noticeably smaller than before.
“Awuu…” I kept gnawing at its arm while Lu Xiu walked over and kicked the despondent Burger Demon.
“Talk. What the hell are you?”
“Human, mind your manners, I am… Ow, ow, ow, stop eating me…”
Whining food.
I spat out the leg I was chewing and switched to its hand.
“If you don’t talk, I’ll let her finish you off.” Lu Xiu kicked it again.
“Hahahahaha! I’m not afraid, I am a demon!”
“Kun—Xigu—Leta… There’s a few parts I couldn’t taste yet…” I pieced together its true name from the memories in my mind.
This sentence made the demon, who had still been laughing, widen its tomato eyes in an instant. “Why do you know—”
“Yi. The last character of your true name.”
“I’m sorry! I was wrong, please don’t kill me, I’m just a poor burger!”
Lu Xiu held his forehead. “I don’t know if I’m crazy, or if the world’s gone mad.”
“I’m not crazy.”
I spoke up at once.
“…Forget it. First, are you a demon?”
Lu Xiu looked at the Burger Demon, now half its original size.
“Yes, I… I’m a demon.”
“Since when can burgers become demons?”
“Well… Hell has to keep up with the times, too.”
“Second question, why did you suddenly appear here?”
“Because I heard the wails of burgers, so I came to avenge them and wipe out humanity.”
“You?” Lu Xiu raised an eyebrow.
“I am also one of The Four Kings of Hell!”
“The Four Kings of Hell?”
“Hmph! Mortal, you don’t understand, do you? I, Burger King, King of Tomato Sauce, King of Fried Chicken, and King of French Fries, we rule over the four corners of Hell! All demons must kneel before us!”
“So you’d better let me go. If my companions arrive, you’ll be in deep trouble!”
What was this guy even saying?
I saw Lu Xiu deep in thought, so I grabbed one of the monster’s eyes and stuffed it in my mouth.
“Ah! My eye!”
Sour and sweet, delicious!
“…Hey, don’t eat it all. Bring it along, we’re going to Yingdui Si.”
“Huh?”
“Huh what? Let’s go.”
“Oh, oh.”
Reluctantly, I looked at the burger bun left with just one eye, wrapped my long tongue around it, and followed Lu Xiu toward Yingdui Si.