Chapter 35: Despicable Words

Watching Su Ziyan’s clumsy performance and awkward attempt at a youthful voice, Shi Lingge was neither amused enough to laugh nor moved to embrace him.

She simply watched him quietly.

And Su Ziyan showed not a hint of embarrassment, his arms resolutely held wide open.

“You should understand my meaning by now, right?”

Shi Lingge looked at Su Ziyan before her.

His outstretched arms seemed as if they would never come down unless they held her.

“So why are you still doing this?”

“What do you mean, ‘still doing this’?”

Su Ziyan tilted his head.

“I just saw you were sad and wanted to comfort you.”

“The reason I’ve been so good to you is only because I see you as my dead younger brother.”

Shi Lingge’s voice was so calm, yet carried a certain dryness, as if all the previous softness had vanished.

“You’re just a substitute.”

“Mhm, I know.”

Su Ziyan nodded.

“And then?”

“What do you mean, ‘and then’?”

Shi Lingge’s voice rose a few notes.

“What I mean is, everything you thought was my sincerity, my attentiveness… it was all fake. None of it was for you!”

“All of it was for my dead younger brother.”

“I did all these hypocritical things to satisfy myself. I don’t care if you’re Su Ziyan or some Xia Ziyan, understand?”

“So, you don’t need to pity me, and you certainly don’t need to comfort me. I did it all for myself.”

“I understand what you mean.”

Compared to Shi Lingge’s increasingly raised pitch, Su Ziyan’s voice remained calm.

“But even if you think your help was ‘fake,’ I genuinely felt the kindness and sincerity.”

“Who you directed these feelings towards, I don’t care and I don’t mind.”

Su Ziyan raised his open arms a little higher.

“But the beneficiary was me, wasn’t it?”

“My current situation isn’t great, so every sincere act of kindness from a stranger is a good thing to me.”

“And I can’t stand to see someone who helped me when I was lost, being this sad.”

Su Ziyan said each word clearly.

“Isn’t that just natural?”

Hearing no response from Shi Lingge, Su Ziyan continued, “So, do you need a hug, Elder Sister?”

After saying this, he closed his eyes.

Now he was completely blind, not even able to see vague outlines.

He truly didn’t care if she saw him as a substitute, because the experiences were real.

He was the real beneficiary of that kindness.

To him, Shi Lingge was absolutely a gentle, good person.

And right now, he wasn’t being anyone’s substitute.

He was simply, purely, comforting a good person who had helped him in his own difficult time.

So he didn’t dwell on Shi Lingge’s inner turmoil.

He just kept his arms open.

It was up to Shi Lingge herself to choose whether to accept this comfort.

Waiting in the darkness always felt exceptionally long, but by now, Su Ziyan had cultivated ample patience.

He waited just like that, motionless.

His arms ached from being held in one position, beginning to tremble uncontrollably, but he had no intention of pulling them back.

He was born this kind of person.

Though awkward like a hedgehog, not good at accepting others’ kindness; if he decided to offer his own kindness, he would also bare his “belly” like a hedgehog, holding nothing back.

Until the girl, carrying a cool, fresh scent, drifted into his embrace.

This wasn’t an exaggeration—she settled onto his lap as lightly as a feather.

The hug was also light and gentle.

Her right cheek pressed against his left cheek.

By his ear was her delicate skin and warm, moist breath.

Su Ziyan could feel the slight tremble in her body.

She was the one who should be venting her emotions, yet she felt nothing like that.

Instead, she had cautiously leaned in, as if afraid of something.

So he didn’t tighten his arms.

Instead, he first pressed on her shoulders, pushing her upper body away.

Shi Lingge’s trembling intensified in that instant.

But the next moment, Su Ziyan pulled her into his embrace again, holding her tightly.

Their posture was exactly the same as before, except for the position of their heads.

Now it was Su Ziyan’s right cheek pressed against Shi Lingge’s left cheek.

Su Ziyan could feel the crisscrossing scars on her left cheek, but could no longer feel the warm, moist breath from before.

Because after changing position, Shi Lingge suddenly held her breath.

Not only did she stop trembling, she didn’t even dare to breathe heavily.

This was clearly not a sign of letting her guard down.

After pressing her ugly scar against his face, Shi Lingge now seemed more afraid than cautious, not daring to make even the slightest movement.

Then, by her ear, came Su Ziyan’s sigh.

“There’s no need to be so careful. I’m blind, I can’t see your scars. And…”

Su Ziyan’s voice was light, as if stating something obvious.

“…What younger brother would dislike a sister who’s been good to him?”

He didn’t hear Shi Lingge’s response, but he could feel the increased strength in her grip after hearing his words.

Compared to the earlier caution, Shi Lingge’s hug now could be said to use all her strength—so much that both could feel a slight sense of suffocation.

It was as if she wanted to crush herself into Su Ziyan’s body.

Because their cheeks were pressed together, Su Ziyan could feel her clenched jaw and the drops of water sliding down her cheek.

“You can actually cry out loud, you know,” he continued. “If you can’t even cry freely, then life is just too pitiful.”

“You’re just a mere substitute, how can you say such things?”

Shi Lingge’s voice was muffled, unable to hide the sob within it.

“I’m really terrible. I clearly know this is wrong…”

“Where does all this ‘right and wrong’ come from?”

Su Ziyan interrupted Shi Lingge.

“Though it might sound presumptuous of me to say, but in front of me, cry if you want to cry.”

“When you want to smile, you can smile at anyone, freely share your joy with others. That’s a normal thing, isn’t it?”

“When you want to cry, come back in front of me to cry, because I will never laugh at you.”

“How can you say such cunning words?”

Shi Lingge could no longer suppress her sobs.

“How am I supposed to hold back now?”

“I clearly know this isn’t good. I told myself I can’t treat others as substitutes for my brother. These fake feelings are all wrong, they can only hurt others…”

“But… but how can I hold back when you’re like this?”

In his ear was her heart-wrenching cry; on his face, the tears she rubbed against him…

Su Ziyan didn’t respond to her质问.

He just gently closed his eyes.

“You’ve really had it hard all these years, Shi Lingge… But as an elder sister, you are undoubtedly amazing. I guarantee that.”

The girl cried until she could no longer speak, just clinging desperately to the man in her arms.

It was only then that Su Ziyan suddenly remembered: the person in his arms was actually only eighteen years old, just starting university.