“I don’t want to drag you down.”
Jiang Lai’s voice was even softer than the hum of the elevator, the tail end carrying a hint of grievance she hadn’t even noticed herself.
“You should be standing in the spotlight, adored by everyone. Not like this—hiding in my arms to keep warm, and then suffering because of my own indecision.”
Xu Ruobing looked at her reddened eyes, and her heart felt like cotton soaked in warm water—soft and aching.
She tightened her grip on Jiang Lai’s hand and pressed the cool hand against her own cheek, slowly warming it with the heat of her palm.
“Jiang Lai, why do you keep saying ‘drag you down’? I am myself. As long as I’m happy, as long as I want to do it, that’s enough.”
“I choose to get close to you because when I’m with you, I feel happy. Because I want to be close to you—that’s what’s in my heart.”
The elevator let out a “ding” as it stopped at the floor where the hotel room was. The doors slid open slowly, and the warm light from the hallway poured in, but neither of them moved.
Xu Ruobing’s fingertips brushed gently across the back of Jiang Lai’s hand, like soothing a frightened little animal.
“Do you think I push myself, running all over to see you, just to watch you furrow your brow and say ‘I don’t deserve you’? That’s not it. Or to see you give up on yourself and call yourself a bad woman? That’s not what I want either.”
“What I want is for you to be happy, to live the life you want.”
Jiang Lai’s throat moved as if she wanted to say something, but Xu Ruobing cut her off with a gentle shake of her head.
She pulled Jiang Lai out of the elevator, walking slowly, each step as if treading on soft clouds.
“I know the guilt in your heart, and I understand you don’t want to let anyone down.”
“But feelings don’t have a black-and-white answer, and there’s no rule that says you have to choose one. I don’t need you to make promises right now, and I don’t need you to force yourself to forget someone else. I only want you not to push me away, and not to think too highly of me. I’m not the good person you imagine.”
When they reached the door of the room, Xu Ruobing’s hand paused as she reached for the key card. She turned her head to look at Jiang Lai, a glimmer of light in her eyes.
“You always say you’re not good enough for me, but have you ever thought that maybe, in my eyes, you are the best?”
“When I’m cold, you wrap me in your arms. When I’m tired, you let me lean on your shoulder. You fret so much over me being wronged that your eyes turn red. These little details make my heart race more than any sweet words.”
The key card let out a “beep” as it unlocked the room. Warm yellow light instantly filled the space, driving away the chill of the hallway.
Xu Ruobing pulled Jiang Lai inside and closed the door behind her.
She didn’t let go of Jiang Lai’s hand. Instead, she led her to the window, lifted her onto the windowsill, and then held her tightly in her arms.
“I’m not asking you to make a decision right now.”
Xu Ruobing rested her hands gently on Jiang Lai’s shoulders, her fingers lightly squeezing the tight lines of Jiang Lai’s shoulders.
“I just want you to know that I’m willing. No matter the situation, I’m willing. Because all I want is to be by your side.”
Jiang Lai’s eyes grew hot again.
She reached out and hugged Xu Ruobing, burying her face in the crook of her neck.
“But Ruobing, I can’t guarantee I’ll be devoted. I can’t promise you the future you want. All I can give you is the cheapest form of companionship.”
Xu Ruobing patted her back gently, like coaxing a restless child.
“I don’t want your guarantees, and I don’t want your promises.”
“I just want you to let me hold you now, to tell me what’s in your heart, to let me stay by your side. As for the future—if we can’t even live well in the present, what kind of future is there?”
Jiang Lai tightened her arms around her, the sobs in her throat gradually fading, replaced by a long-lost warmth.
“You say you’re a bad woman, but so am I. If I were really a good person… I wouldn’t have stayed close to you while you were still involved with Chi Yingyu, and I wouldn’t even want to possess you.”
After saying this, Xu Ruobing seemed to have finally made a decision.
Her fingertips gently lifted Jiang Lai’s chin, the pad of her thumb brushing along her trembling jawline.
Jiang Lai’s eyelashes fluttered. Before she could dodge, warm lips pressed down on hers.
There was no urgent plundering, only a cautious exploration—as if afraid of breaking fragile glass.
Xu Ruobing’s kiss was very light. She first brushed against Jiang Lai’s lips, felt her freeze, then slowly pulled back half an inch, their noses touching, her voice hoarse with breath.
“Scared? Weren’t you just saying you were a bad woman? Why are you avoiding me now?”
Jiang Lai’s fingers clutched at the hem of Xu Ruobing’s shirt, her knuckles white with tension. At those words, the sob in her throat rose again but was swallowed by the next kiss.
“Someone might see us through the window…”
“No, they won’t…”
This time, Xu Ruobing didn’t hold back.
The scent of cedar from her skin mixed with the room’s aromatherapy, slowly seeping into Jiang Lai’s breath.
Her hand slid from Jiang Lai’s chin to the nape of her neck, her fingertips lightly catching the soft strands of hair, pulling her closer, as if trying to knead all the lingering anxiety and unease into that kiss.
Jiang Lai resisted at first, her body tense.
But Xu Ruobing’s kiss was too gentle, the warmth of her palm passing through the thin fabric, and the fingers at her nape gently stroking, like calming a bristling kitten.
Before she knew it, her grip on the hem loosened. Instead, her arms wrapped around Xu Ruobing’s waist, her fingertips lightly gripping her back, as if holding onto a lifeline.
Feeling her response, Xu Ruobing deepened the kiss.
Sensing her slight trembling, she slowed down, gently nibbling on her lower lip with a hint of coaxing reluctance.
Her tongue lightly brushed against Jiang Lai’s lips, feeling the faint response, and a smile spread slowly in her eyes.
“So, who’s the bad woman now?”
When they finally parted, Xu Ruobing seemed reluctant to end it, touching her own lips with her fingers.
Her fingertips still held the warmth of Jiang Lai’s skin, and they trembled slightly as they touched her own lips.
The smile in her eyes was like crushed starlight, mingling with the warm light of the room, falling onto Jiang Lai’s flushed face.
“That’s not the kind of ‘bad’ I was talking about.”
Jiang Lai was still sitting on the windowsill, her back against the cool glass, but she didn’t feel cold at all.
Xu Ruobing’s hand was still on her waist, the warmth seeping through the thin fabric.
As soon as she finished speaking, the hand on her waist pinched her gently, with a coaxing kind of strength.
Xu Ruobing leaned in, her knees pressing against Jiang Lai’s, trapping her between herself and the window. Her nose brushed lightly against Jiang Lai’s again.
“But the kind of ‘bad’ I am… is far worse than you can imagine.”