Jiang Lai’s gentle breaths brushed across her collarbone, carrying a familiar scent like fine silk threads, tangling around her chest until her own breathing slowed by half a beat.
‘If only these threads could bind the two of us together forever, never to be separated…’
Shen Ruxue’s expression looked calm, but feeling the person in her arms, she felt this was truly the happiest moment.
The warmth in her embrace was just right.
A person should be able to stay peacefully by her side like this—fingertips touching soft strands of hair, palms wrapping around a warm waist, even their breaths intertwining.
But what about tomorrow?
Tomorrow, Jiang Lai would go back.
Back to her younger sister, back to her daughter.
That was a happy family, a place she herself longed to return to.
So she felt a little worried.
Jiang Lai might even, in some moment, forget her.
Forget this feeling of nestling in her arms.
The moment that thought surfaced, Shen Ruxue’s hand gripping the pen unconsciously tightened, knuckles whitening.
She quickly eased the grip, afraid to disturb the person in her arms, but her left hand instinctively pulled Jiang Lai closer, arm tightening like she wanted to press her into her very bones—so that this warmth, this scent, could never slip through her fingers again.
“Are you really going back tomorrow? Can’t you stay a little longer?”
Shen Ruxue’s voice was extremely soft, carrying a hint of grievance she hadn’t noticed herself, the end of her words trembling slightly.
“I don’t want you to go.”
Jiang Lai’s body visibly stiffened.
Her shoulders moved slightly, as if she wanted to look up at her.
But Shen Ruxue didn’t give her the chance.
She tilted her head slightly, chin resting on top of Jiang Lai’s head, her palm gently pressing against her back, pulling her closer.
Through the fabric of the shirt, she could clearly feel Jiang Lai’s heartbeat, gradually overlapping with her own—one fast, one slow, yet strangely in sync.
“I want you to stay here forever.”
Her voice lowered, carrying an undeniable obsession.
Her fingertips lightly rubbed the fabric at Jiang Lai’s waist, as if confirming the reality of the person before her.
“When I wake up, it’s you I see. Before I sleep, it’s you I hold. I want you to see me every day when you wake up, to stay where I can see you, where I can touch you.”
Jiang Lai didn’t speak.
She just gently nuzzled closer, her cheek pressed against Shen Ruxue’s chest, softly responding to her love, her affection.
“What you’re thinking… those are the same things I think…”
Her voice was soft, like a feather tickling Shen Ruxue’s heart.
But the unease in her heart didn’t fade; instead, it grew stronger.
She lowered her head, the tip of her nose brushing through Jiang Lai’s hair, her breath filled with her scent.
Yet the clearer the scent, the more she feared losing it.
‘How could I ever be willing to let Jiang Lai leave?’
“After you go back… will you…”
Shen Ruxue’s fingertips lightly pinched the corner of Jiang Lai’s clothes, her tone carrying a cautious probe, mixed with an undisguised possessiveness.
“Will you… not think of me as much? Get dazzled by someone else, and leave only a tiny space for me in your heart?”
Jiang Lai finally lifted her head.
Her glistening eyes were misted with tears, her nose red, like a wronged little bunny.
“I won’t! Even if I’m not by your side, I’ll still think of you. You’ll always be in my heart. That will never change. It’s been like that from the beginning!”
Seeing her earnest expression, Shen Ruxue’s obsession loosened a little, but her fingertips still couldn’t help gently pinching Jiang Lai’s earlobe.
The warm touch reassured her.
She lowered her head, as if afraid to break a treasure, and planted a gentle kiss on Jiang Lai’s forehead, the motion almost reverent.
“I know you’ll think of me. But I’m still afraid…”
She knew how much greed was hidden in these unspoken words.
She wanted to keep Jiang Lai completely by her side.
She wanted Jiang Lai’s world to revolve only around her.
But she also knew Jiang Lai had more important people waiting for her return.
Her younger sister, her daughter.
In Jiang Lai’s heart, they might be even more important than her.
“I know… saying this is really melodramatic. I know you’ll be soft on me, but I still said it selfishly.”
Shen Ruxue’s voice grew even softer.
Her chin gently brushed against the top of Jiang Lai’s head, her breath filled with the fragrance of her hair.
“I know you have to go back to be with your sister and daughter. They need you more than I do. So I think I shouldn’t be so melodramatic. I shouldn’t make things difficult for you.”
As she said this, her left hand subtly loosened.
Her arm, originally wrapped around Jiang Lai’s waist, now just rested lightly, no longer holding tight.
Her fingertips could still feel the warm fabric, but her heart felt hollow, as if a wind had blown through, carrying a faint chill.
Jiang Lai seemed to sense her disappointment.
She raised her hand and gently wrapped it around Shen Ruxue’s neck, her cheek pressing against her face, whispering softly:
“I don’t feel troubled. I miss you, and I miss them. These two kinds of longing are different. They don’t conflict. You’re all the most important people to me.”
Shen Ruxue’s fingertips trembled slightly.
She gripped Jiang Lai’s hand tightly in return, her eyes reddening again.
“Jiang Jiang, how can you be so good…”
“It’s not that I’m good. It’s that you deserve it. And I know very well that I’m still not good enough…”
“Don’t say that.”
Shen Ruxue interrupted her, her tone serious.
“I know that loving someone doesn’t mean tying them to your side. It means watching them be happy, and feeling happy yourself. Even if half of that happiness doesn’t come from me.”
As she spoke, she gently pushed Jiang Lai back a little, her gaze meeting her eyes, speaking word by word:
“Tomorrow, I’ll take you to the high-speed rail station. I want to spend a little more time with you…”
Jiang Lai nodded, but tears couldn’t stop falling.
Because she could clearly feel that when she was with her, Shen Ruxue had been constantly wronging herself.
The tears splashed onto the back of Shen Ruxue’s hand.
The warm sensation made her heart tighten.
She quickly raised her hand, using her fingertips to gently wipe away Jiang Lai’s tears, her voice tinged with panic.
“Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong? I’m not trying to drive you away, I just…”
“I know, I know you’re not…”
Jiang Lai choked, reaching up to hug her neck, burying her face in the hollow of her neck.
“I just feel like I’m always making you wait for me, always making you accommodate me. I want to be with you, and I want to be with them. I think I’m so greedy. I want everything, and I don’t want to lose anything. But how can there be such a good thing in the world?”
“If I want to choose everything, then I’m the greediest person in the whole world.”
Shen Ruxue gently patted her back, like soothing a wronged child, her voice tender enough to drip water.
“Not greedy. Not greedy at all. You’re willing to give me half your time. I’m already very satisfied. Really.”
‘What caused all this was my own powerlessness in the past.’
‘Unable to return to them immediately…’
‘What I just said was just pretty words to comfort Jiang Lai.’
‘Actually, I’m not satisfied at all.’
‘I want to wake up every morning and see Jiang Lai’s sleeping face. I want to hold her every night when I sleep. I want to be with my daughter, to make up for all the things I missed in the past.’
‘But these thoughts, I can only hide in my heart. I don’t even dare to say them out loud.’
‘I know very well: if I say them, Jiang Lai will feel troubled. She’ll think I’m selfish.’
‘And I’m even more afraid that if I say them, I won’t be able to stop wanting more, until even this peaceful time now slips away.’
‘Two lifetimes as a person…’
‘I should be more mature… right.’
‘But I still get jealous.’
‘Jealous that someone else can share Jiang Jiang with others…’