Chapter 177: Dissolve: His Last Choice

Song Hyunsoo, who had followed Yoon Jooho all the way to the entrance of the hallway, slowly approached him.

Yoon Jooho’s hunched shoulders were rising and falling sharply.

“……”

Perhaps sensing someone approaching, he looked back over his shoulder.

Then he turned his body to face Song Hyunsoo.

The Yoon Jooho who had seemed relaxed, confident, and brimming with such intense anger and hostility in front of his Parent that he almost looked mad—was now staggering toward Song Hyunsoo like a beast that had expended all its energy.

Unable to just watch him like that, Song Hyunsoo hurried his steps to close the distance.

They faced each other, leaving about a step between them.

Wiping awkwardly at the corner of his mouth, Yoon Jooho spoke.

“Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For showing you this side of me.”

“I hate it more when you try to hide it and deal with it alone.”

A faint smile appeared beneath his half-lowered eyelids.

“You said it yourself. Not to let myself be taken. I’m ready to let go of everything and fight back.”

He inhaled slightly, his lips twitching as if hesitant.

“Otherwise…”

Yoon Jooho lifted his gaze from the floor, heavy with uncertainty.

He nervously fidgeted with the tips of Song Hyunsoo’s fingers, as if afraid of being rejected.

His voice, cracked and hoarse, came out in a whisper.

“Do you hate Yoon Jooho who isn’t a Top Star too?”

You too.

Now, Song Hyunsoo understood all too well what those words meant. The very question hurt him.

Afraid his voice would shake if he spoke, he shook his head firmly.

He shook it several times, desperate to convey that he truly did not.

Even if you were an unknown actor like me, or some unemployed loafer wasting time at a PC Room, I’d still love you unconditionally. I am not like your Parents.

You pretend to be cold and indifferent, locking yourself away at the top of a high tower.

But in truth, you’re starving for love and affection, always listening for the happy sounds of the outside world.

Someone who pours more passion into his work than anyone, who may be clumsy but knows how to care, knows how to love.

It was because of that, not just as an Actor, but as Yoon Jooho the person, that I ended up loving you.

No matter how hard I tried, my nose kept tingling with emotion.

Song Hyunsoo gripped the fingers that were tentatively holding his own, squeezing tight.

“Have you always lived like this? Even when you were a kid?”

As expected, it wasn’t easy to hold back his frustration. His voice shook unevenly.

“Taking that kind of treatment from your Parents?”

“You’re even worrying about the guy who dumped you?”

“Who says you dumped me? You’re the one who said it was over.”

Chiding him with a face on the verge of tears, Yoon Jooho gave a faint, powerless smile.

Then, with his long, strong arms, he pulled Song Hyunsoo into a full embrace.

Or rather, it felt like Yoon Jooho was collapsing into him, relying on his body for support.

Song Hyunsoo had to step back a few paces to hold him up.

Burying his lips against Song Hyunsoo’s ear, he let out a bitter laugh.

“At the time… I thought if I said that, you wouldn’t leave.”

“……”

“In my own way, that was how I tried to hold on to you.”

As Song Hyunsoo opened his mouth to respond, Yoon Jooho stroked the back of his head and hugged him even tighter.

“I know. I’m really a mess, aren’t I? You must think it’s ridiculous.”

“Sunbae, you’re a mess with a chance at redemption.”

“……”

“If you have the heart, you can learn the language. But if you don’t have the heart, even if you learn, it won’t matter.”

Remembering Yoon Jooho’s Parents, who seemed so heartless, Song Hyunsoo hugged his back in return. Then he quietly closed his eyes.

“So you’ll be okay, Sunbae.”

Yoon Jooho’s back, held in Song Hyunsoo’s arms, shook slightly with a low laugh.

“That’s a relief, then. At least I’m a mess with a chance at redemption.”

His body sagged heavily, swaying once more. Song Hyunsoo was pushed back until his knees buckled and his back touched the hallway wall.

“Hyunsoo.”

“……”

“Do you mind if I sleep, just for a bit?”

Lifting his body slowly off Song Hyunsoo’s shoulder, Yoon Jooho’s face looked more lifeless than sleepy, as if all energy had been drained from him.

“I haven’t been able to sleep at all. But now that I’m touching you, I’m so sleepy.”

“Yeah, get some rest. My room is over there.”

Song Hyunsoo nodded, pointing to the innermost room at the end of the hallway.

“No, with me.”

“……”

“Can’t I?”

Yoon Jooho’s eyes pleaded for sympathy and mercy, shining with a pitiful light.

His bloodshot eyes looked so dry and sensitive, as if they might shatter at any moment.

“I’m not trying to sneak anything. Just… pretend you’re saving a life. Let me sleep next to you, just for a bit.”

Song Hyunsoo exchanged a quick glance with Bang Manager standing within sight.

After seeing Bang Manager’s approving nod, he grabbed Yoon Jooho’s wrist and led him toward his own room.

As soon as they entered, Song Hyunsoo meticulously drew the Curtain shut.

Turning around, he saw Yoon Jooho standing awkwardly in the center of the room—so different from the man who always brazenly found an excuse to sleep together in his second-floor room.

“You said you were sleepy. Lie down.”

“Yeah.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he sat on the edge of the Single Bed. Then, exhausted, he pulled his long legs up and lay down on his side.

“Ah.”

But as soon as he lay down, he frowned, sat up, and rummaged through his pockets. He pulled out two Pins.

“I left in the middle of getting Makeup done.”

Looking down at the Pins in his palm, Yoon Jooho gave a dry chuckle, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done himself.

He turned and set the Pins down on the nightstand, then looked up at Song Hyunsoo, who was still standing by the window.

“You said you’d let me sleep. Aren’t you coming?”

“……”

“I won’t do anything weird. If I do, really, don’t forgive me.”

“I wasn’t thinking that.”

Song Hyunsoo answered, a little huffy, as he rolled up his sleeves and approached the Bed.

“I haven’t even regained my spot as Namja Chingu yet. I won’t touch you.”

“……”

“But if you want… I will.”

“In your dreams.”

Smiling softly with a playful glint, Yoon Jooho silently watched as Song Hyunsoo climbed onto the Bed.

Lying on one half of the cramped Single Bed, he stretched out an arm and lifted the blanket, making room beside him.

Swallowing dryly and moistening his lips, Song Hyunsoo got onto the Bed.

Without facing him, he lay on his side with his back toward Jooho.

Between his neck and pillow, he felt Jooho’s arm. As soon as he lay down, the warm blanket enveloped Song Hyunsoo’s whole body.

The man who claimed he wouldn’t touch him because he wasn’t officially his Namja Chingu yet, pressed up against his back just like he had in their dating days.

An embrace so tight it felt like a complete entanglement, arms and legs alike.

Just as they’d done nearly every night while staying in his House’s second floor.

Jooho’s breath tickled the back of his neck and his ear.

“Isn’t it weird?”

“What is?”

“We might be heading into a real dogfight from now on, but… just being here like this, I feel at peace. So peaceful I could fall asleep any second.”

“…Then hurry up and sleep. Stop talking.”

“Okay.”

His lips touched the exposed nape of Hyunsoo’s neck.

Pressing a firm kiss there, he adjusted himself for comfort, holding Hyunsoo tightly as if to bind him.

But contrary to his promise to sleep, his lips moved again against Hyunsoo’s skin.

“You were cool earlier.”

“……”

Suddenly embarrassed at having rushed into the fight, Song Hyunsoo’s ears and neck flushed red.

But in the darkness, it probably didn’t show.

“Don’t go anywhere while I’m sleeping.”

Within a minute of saying that, Yoon Jooho fell into a deep sleep.

His even breathing softly tickled Hyunsoo’s neck and hair.

On the wrist hugging Hyunsoo’s chest, the Watch glinted faintly.

It was the Watch that Song Hyunsoo had retrieved from Cha Gyumin. The very one Jooho had worn when he’d confessed.

Hyunsoo held on tight to his arm.

It was still hard to believe what he’d just seen and heard with his own eyes.

He had gradually learned, growing up, that simply having Parents didn’t guarantee happiness.

Still, while having Parents might not be a condition for ‘Happy’ in this world, it was at least a condition for being ‘Normal.’ It was such a basic, unquestioned premise.

So the absence of Parents was an insurmountable weakness for Song Hyunsoo.

But parents like those? Parents like that…

At last, the tears he’d been holding back with all his strength flowed silently onto the pillow.

He kept stroking the arm he was holding.

“It’s okay… Don’t cry.”

Was it something said in his sleep, or a half-waking murmur? Jooho soothed him, rubbing his lips against Hyunsoo’s neck. Soon after, he fell silent again.

When he woke up, Hyunsoo would make him Kimchi Pot Rice.

Offering a warm meal to someone who’d gone through such hardship. Feeding someone.

No matter what had happened in the past, that was the basic decency one owed another person.

Even when scolded harshly, Grandmother and Grandfather never took away the spoon.

Swallowing his sobs, Hyunsoo silently wept and stroked Jooho’s arm. And then, at last, he too slipped into sleep.

It was the best sleep he’d had in a long time.