Ji Yuannian had another dream.
Unlike those usual fleeting, unreal dreams, this one was bizarre and absurd, yet faintly tinged with a sense of reality. In the past half year, she had only had a handful of dreams like this.
The dream began, as always, with herself and Jiang Chi—attending school together as usual, playing little games as usual, mutually benefiting from each other as usual, each getting what they needed.
Until… the second half of her senior year, Ji Yuannian accidentally exposed her identity in front of her parents. Once again, she turned to Jiang Chi for help, hoping he could, as always, help her smooth things over.
But this time was different. Faced with the questions from parents, family, relatives, and friends, before Jiang Chi could come up with a solution, she failed to keep her secret.
Her name remained the same, but she was forced to transfer schools, bidding farewell to seventeen years of living as a male, now presenting herself as the Ji family’s second princess, a female.
She couldn’t accept it. She didn’t even go to college, locking herself away in her room every day, obsessively studying that double-sided silver coin, hoping to find a way to change back.
In her freshman year, Jiang Chi came to see her—saw the her who had fallen into madness. He brought her back to her senses, and brought with him a contract.
A contract about “lovers.”
She became his girlfriend, helping him fend off all the girls in university; he became her boyfriend, helping her research the silver coin, searching for the principle behind her transformation.
She agreed. They became a couple, even if only on paper, on the surface, and without real feelings.
But gradually, she sensed he had changed—he seemed to have fallen for her. She knew it, but didn’t say anything, instead working hard to keep up this “lover” relationship.
She knew that in these years of being together day and night, she too had developed some feelings for him, but she dared not…
Her long quest to research the silver coin and find a way back to being male was not just her wish—it had become her obsession, the thing that kept her going.
She dared not—and could not—respond to his love.
She feared losing herself, feared that she would no longer be the person she was, feared that the “Ji Yuannian” inside her would disappear completely.
If she really became Ji Yuannian the woman, then the male Ji Yuannian who had lived seventeen years would truly be dead, as if he had never existed at all.
Later, they graduated. He took over the family business. She researched the coin while indulging herself in pleasure.
On one of her birthdays, he proposed to her, but she brushed him off with perfunctory laughter. He seemed to understand how she felt, but he never gave up, so…
A second time, a third time, a fourth time…
He lost again and again, but always came back.
She knew she was treating him unfairly, had even proposed ending the contract, but he smiled and refused. So… she made a decision—she gave herself to him, everything but her heart, which remained obsessed and nearly twisted.
On their thirtieth birthday, with both their birthdays on the same day, a tall birthday cake stood in the lively villa. The two little cake figures together hugged a chocolate plaque symbolizing their ten years of passionate love.
He proposed to her again.
As expected, the man was rejected once more. But this time, the man changed.
“Ji Yuannian, if I can’t be the one you love, then I’ll be the one who is your life, the one you remember most deeply!”
With that, the man picked up a fruit knife and slashed his own neck. Blood sprayed high, splattering onto Ji Yuannian’s face, onto the little figures holding the plaque on the cake, onto the long, pure white dress she wore, as pure as a wedding gown.
At the end of the dream, unlike those before, this time she was cradling the man’s cooling body, overcome by grief and regret.
Perhaps the old saying was right: “Two people destined for tragedy, when they collide, may create a comedy—but more often, they bring about an even greater tragedy.”
Pain. Pain, so much pain.
Ji Yuannian woke up on the double bed, clutching her chest with small hands. Tears the size of beans rolled uncontrollably down her cheeks.
She had no idea why she was like this, but the stabbing pain was all too real, as if a sharp knife had mercilessly gouged a chunk out of her heart.
Regret, pain, guilt—an overwhelming tide of emotions crashed over her body and soul, again and again.
Regret that should have only existed in a fleeting dream now seemed to cross the boundary between real and unreal, burning itself deeply into her mind, as if it were a vivid and unforgettable memory she had truly experienced.
Every little moment they spent together, their laughter and play, their sweet, warm intimacy, the ten whole years hand in hand, and finally, the image of the man dying in front of her—mad, obsessed—all crazily vivid, just like her heart that was always longing to become male again.
“Ji Yuannian, if I can’t be the one you love, then I’ll be the one who is your life, the one you remember most deeply!”
With trembling hands, she hurriedly dialed his number, not even waiting for him to ask anything before she, already choking with sobs, spoke with endless regret in her voice.
“Jiang Chi.”
“I’m sorry.”
…
“Brother Ji, Brother Ji.” The male voice by her ear snapped Ji Yuannian out of her thoughts. She turned to see—it was Su Tian.
“What’s up? Something wrong?” Ji Yuannian raised her hand to rub her chest. For some reason, ever since that dream, her heart had felt heavy, as if crushed by an invisible boulder, and her mood had been bad these past few days.
“This is the list of applicants for this round of social practice. I need your signature.” Su Tian spoke as he handed over the document.
Ji Yuannian took it, scanning it quickly, but her gaze halted at a single name.
Jiang Chi.
Staring at that name, Ji Yuannian saw in her mind’s eye the face from her dream—obsessive, crazed, bloodstained.
Her heart grew inexplicably heavy, flooded with endless regret and guilt, as if about to drown her.
I’m sorry, Jiang Chi.
It was me who deceived your feelings, so… Fingering the name, Ji Yuannian murmured inwardly: How should I make it up to you?
Suddenly, a light flashed in her mind. She signed the form, then turned to Su Tian.
“Old Su, got something for you to do.”
“Brother Ji, just say it! No matter what it is, I’m your guy!” Su Tian didn’t hesitate at all, slapping his chest and promising with total confidence.
“This time, you lead the team. I’ll step back.”
“Huh?”
“Can’t do it?”
“I’ll get it done!!”
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