Chapter 165: Dissolve: His Last Choice

After finishing his shower, Yoon Jooho stood before the mirror, hunched over slightly, rubbing his cheeks with his palms as he examined his face. Even to his own eyes, he didn’t look well.

Two nights ago, during the night shoot, his condition had gradually worsened.

He had dismissed it as mere fatigue and, after wrapping up filming, returned to Seoul to enjoy a two-day break.

But after arriving home, his condition only deteriorated further.

He vomited three or four times from dawn until morning before finally collapsing into exhausted sleep.

You’d think he’d feel better after that, but nausea and dizziness forced him to spend the entire day lying bored in bed.

If his mother or father saw him like this, they’d turn pale and panic. He looked bitterly at his reflection, thinking so. But his face had become more like Baek Kang’s—a face increasingly closer to that of an actor.

Just as he was about to leave the sink, his eyes lingered on the toothbrush holder.

While Jooho’s toothbrush had changed twice, another toothbrush remained untouched.

He didn’t ask himself why he hadn’t thrown it away, as if leaving it there could somehow restore everything to how it used to be.

Pulling down the towel draped over his head, he turned and left the bathroom. He wanted to light a scented candle.

Since he couldn’t, he sat by the window at the table and lit a cigarette instead.

The evening sky was covered with clouds after sunset. The city lights reflected off the clouds, casting a pale glow.

Everything felt bland and lifeless. Being on set was a hundred times better.

Maybe he should go out drinking—he probably wouldn’t be sleeping tonight anyway. Just as Jooho reached out for the ashtray, he froze.

“……”

On the cluttered table neglected since filming began, a book caught his eye.

抄譯 Nietzsche’s Words

He opened to the page he had most often read, the one stained with his fingerprints.

<You strive to be free and reach higher places.>

Just that phrase made his heart stir.

This time, his gaze fell on a notebook hidden beneath the book. Seeing the cover adorned with cat characters, his strength ebbed and a faint smile broke through.

Cat Notebook and Cat Pen Set. Looking back, it was clear Song Hyunsoo had been hypnotizing him to stop being stubborn and just adopt Monroe all along.

“Cunning bastard.”

Though he told himself not to, he inevitably opened the notebook’s cover. The familiar handwriting spilled onto the pages—messages he had read hundreds of times and nearly memorized now.

Senior, honestly, I’m ignorant.

I feel like I hear your voice murmuring “I know” somewhere, haha.

I barely know this philosopher you keep mentioning. I skimmed the books at the bookstore but didn’t understand a word…

But I chose this book because of that xx page. I saw a picture of it online and it seemed like it was about you.

You’ve always been my hero. Like Baek Kang was to Lee San. Don’t doubt my fan love.

I like movies where the hero doesn’t get hit even once.

So, senior, don’t ever lose to anyone.

Go free and higher.

Song Hyunsoo’s message was exactly what had set Yoon Jooho free. It had lifted him up, comforted him.

Having said these things, making him tremble in fear of losing them. Jooho turned his gaze to the window, bringing the filter to his lips as he muttered,

“Damn bastard.”

He opened the bookmarked page, moved the cigarette to his left hand, and picked up one of the eleven ballpoint pens.

He was about to resume the copying he’d stopped for so long, unnecessary while Song Hyunsoo was here.

<Hero’s Sorrow>

The page to restart on carried an ominous subtitle.

<If you deceive someone, they will be deeply saddened. Not because they suffered damage from being deceived.>

“……”

Jooho paused, slowly straightening his back. His eyes scanned the next line.

<They are saddened because they can no longer trust you.>

He put the pen down and sat in a daze for a while, forgetting even to smoke.

『“Hiding, deceiving, making a fool of people—that’s betrayal, isn’t it?”』

The exhausted face of Song Hyunsoo wouldn’t leave his mind. The face that made him feel it was “the end.” The face that made him despair that he wouldn’t be accepted anymore.

He sat like that until the doorbell rang, signaling Director Bang’s arrival. Hurriedly closing the book and notebook, Jooho stubbed out the smoldering cigarette alone, then went out to the living room.

“You got up and washed up? Feeling any better?”

Director Bang, who had just stopped by Monroe’s Room to greet, looked relieved at Jooho’s appearance. He was carrying plastic bags, having brought various things.

“Still not good?”

“Don’t know. The nausea won’t stop.”

“Even after throwing up so much?”

Following Director Bang into the kitchen, Jooho pulled bottled water from the fridge. Director Bang set the plastic bags on the island counter and began unpacking.

“You didn’t throw up today, right?”

“Still don’t feel well.”

“That’s just in your head. If you don’t eat and lie down all day, of course your stomach will feel awful. I’ll drive you there tomorrow—go to Pilates or something.”

“Don’t even mention that guy.”

Drinking water while standing, Jooho clenched his teeth at the mention of Seo Hae. Director Bang found Jooho’s hostility amusing instead.

“Why? Jealous of living with Hyunsoo?”

Jooho shot a cold glare back at Director Bang.

“Put me on the Blacklist, too?”

Director Bang placed the last bowl of porridge on the counter while putting groceries away in the fridge.

“Fans sent Hyunsoo a lunchbox and he forced himself to eat it all. That’s probably why his stomach got upset. Or…”

“Or what?”

Sitting on a stool at the island, Jooho set down the water bottle, meeting Director Bang’s meaningful gaze.

“Could be lovesickness.”

“……”

Jooho responded with a darker glare, more hostile than before. The joking glint was gone from Director Bang’s eyes as he peeled the paper wrapping off the porridge.

“Stop the crap and eat. I bought porridge, so eat up.”

“I told you, I’m not eating.”

“What if you don’t? Starve to death? You have to eat and get your strength back if you want to catch Hyunsoo.”

“Ah, stop talking about that!”

Shouting on an empty stomach brought a sudden wave of dizziness. Leaning on the counter with both elbows, Jooho dropped his head and grimaced.

“You’re not the type to curl up in your shell like a hermit crab.”

“……”

“‘Once’ called. Editor-in-Chief personally phoned. They want to be the first to run Hyunsoo’s interview. Asked for confirmation.”

“Did you tell Hyunsoo about that?”

“Yeah. He seemed happy.”

“What did he say?”

“Hyunsoo said he’d leave it up to the company.”

“Did you say anything else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you tell him I’m sick?”

“……”

Director Bang’s face twisted with an expression that could no longer be contained.

“Why would you say that to someone who didn’t ask?”

“Well, we have mutual acquaintances. When we talk, stuff comes out. You were throwing up all night—it’s serious, isn’t it?”

Director Bang shook his head and clicked his tongue as if exhausted.

“Right now Hyunsoo can’t take other jobs because of the Dissolve contract. But once he can, it’s only a matter of time before he blows up.”

“He’s my actor. Do you think I’d dislike him doing well?”

“Hyunsoo won’t be under your wing forever, you know.”

“……”

“Admit it, Yoon Jooho. You can’t do without him.”

“……”

“Losing someone before you even really get started is one thing. You’ve allowed Song Hyunsoo too much already. He’s already changed you.”

Maybe because he hadn’t eaten all day, Jooho had no energy to shout denial.

Avoiding Director Bang’s gaze, he glanced down diagonally at the counter and scratched at its surface with his index finger like a dejected child. Then he muttered a cryptic word.

“Peach.”

“…What?”

“Get me peaches. I’ll eat that.”

“Canned peaches, that one?”

“That one.”

“Why suddenly want something you never asked for?”

“If not that, I won’t eat.”

Jooho stood up from the stool and pushed the porridge bowl away.