The afternoon sunlight slanted through the glass window of the eleventh-floor west restroom in the science building, casting a glare across the moody half of my face.
The girl in the mirror had a flush of rouge at the corners of her eyes.
Under her slightly messy black hair, the damp and cold suit pants clung tightly to the inside of her thighs, so snug I could feel the direction of every wrinkle and seam.
“What the hell am I even doing?”
I splashed cold water on my burning cheeks, and when the droplets ran down my hair and into my collar, I shivered uncontrollably.
Since waking up yesterday morning on the single bed in the rental room, this sudden female body had been asserting its existence in all sorts of ways.
Like now, there’s a subtle difference in how men and women feel the cold, but in the face of the embarrassment of wetting myself, that hardly seemed worth mentioning.
I shook my head lightly and finally managed to calm down, rubbing my temples in frustration.
I never thought I’d lose it over something this ridiculous.
To be fair, this whole mess wasn’t entirely Yan Dong’s fault.
My reaction was over the top, probably because of hormonal changes after the gender switch, making my emotions fluctuate so wildly.
Anyway, I should head back and deal with these dirty pants first…
By the time I stood awkwardly in front of my home, the cold February wind had half-dried my trousers.
As I pushed open the iron gate to the rental flat, my mother was hastily hiding her knitting needles behind her back.
Her hunched back cast an exaggerated curve against the wall, and the cold glint of the silver needles peeking through her fingers reminded me uncomfortably of the blinking monitors in the chemo room.
“Xiaxia, why are you home so early today…” she asked awkwardly, rubbing her hands covered in pinpricks.
The newly grown fuzz on her fingers shimmered like baby feathers under the light.
“Mom, the doctor said you need complete bed rest.”
“I know, Xiaxia. I just saw how tired you were and wanted to help out a little. Aunt Wang downstairs said handmade sweaters can still sell…”
Her voice suddenly caught, and she turned away, coughing uncontrollably.
Her trembling shoulders under the old cotton pajamas were heartbreaking to watch.
I didn’t think twice.
I rushed forward and crouched beside her, gripping her slightly cold hand tightly.
Once she caught her breath, I puffed out my cheeks in fake annoyance.
“Mom, if you really want to help, then focus on getting better. Stop doing this stuff. I’m heading out for deliveries after I change clothes. Let’s have perch for dinner tonight.”
“Xiaxia, be careful out there.”
“Don’t worry.”
…
In the fading twilight, the neon sign of the dry cleaner blurred in my vision.
When the owner’s wife took the clothes, her slightly wrinkled nose made me lower my head in quiet embarrassment.
“Thirty-five yuan. Scan the code next to you.”
If I’d known this would happen, I should’ve gone home to change after the parent-teacher meeting this morning.
Or maybe just dropped that stupid stubbornness and used the nearest women’s restroom.
Then maybe this whole ridiculous chain of events wouldn’t have happened.
The dull thud of the takeout bag hitting my knee pulled me out of my thoughts.
My seventh delivery was to the top floor of a village-in-the-city apartment.
As I climbed the rusted iron stairs, the strange weight on my chest swayed slightly with each step, a foreign, soft sensation constantly reminding me that this body was no longer what it used to be.
“Thank you, little girl.”
The elderly woman who opened the door handed me a warm carton of milk.
The heat in her palm reminded me of the breakfast Uncle Zhang had stuffed into my arms downstairs this morning.
But as I turned to leave, I heard her sigh sympathetically, “Poor thing… such a young girl, delivering food this late at night…”
The night wind carried her fading words into the dark alley, and for a moment, I suddenly wanted to grab her hand and seriously tell her that I wasn’t some pitiful girl who needed sympathy, far from it.
Neither my late father nor my sick mother ever saw me that way.
They both loved me with everything they had.
But… what’s the point of saying something like that?
In the end, I just lowered my head and quietly went downstairs to continue the deliveries.
Call it a stroke of luck or something else, but today’s orders actually went unusually smoothly.
I even earned five yuan more than usual, which meant I only lost thirty yuan today.
Damn Yan Dong, he owes me a meal at the Shaxian Diner.
Since I got home early after school, it was just past 7:30 when I returned from deliveries, and I happened to catch my mom trying to sneak into the kitchen to cook again.
“My dearest mama, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Just making something for Xiaxia to eat. Let you have a good rest too.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m not an idiot. I know how to rest when I’m tired.”
“But…”
“No buts. Tonight let me show off a little for my dear mom.”
For tonight’s dinner, I specially steamed a small perch.
There’s a reason for that, larger perch cost a lot more per jin than the small ones, and the ones that just died today are even cheaper.
Of course, when buying dead fish, you need to check the cloudiness of the eyes to judge how long it’s been dead.
The fishy smell of the perch guts in the trash, mixed with the lemon scent of dish soap, wove a warm net through the cramped kitchen.
Just as I lifted the lid and peered through the rising steam to check the fish’s eyes, I suddenly heard a faint sigh behind me: “Xiaxia looks even better in a suit than Mom did when she was young.”
Mom’s voice was buried in the roar of the exhaust fan, and in that moment, I was deeply grateful for its noise, it masked the tight choke rising in my throat.
Dinner for two was simple.
One fish and a plate of vegetables were enough.
One perk of this new body was that I didn’t feel very hungry even with less food, which helped save money.
Not that the money saved was enough to buy even a couple of basic feminine products…
“Well? I’ve improved, haven’t I?”
“Mhm, Mom just loves the way Xiaxia cooks fish. Xiaxia, you should eat some too.”
“No thanks. Just watching you enjoy it makes me feel full.”
“You’re always the sweet talker. Come on, eat some fish too. I can’t finish it.”
…
It wasn’t until I finished everything that I finally collapsed onto the bed, too exhausted to think, letting my mind drift into a lazy daze.
Funny how it’s only been two days since I turned into a girl, but it already feels like so much has happened.
I turned over, spread my arms wide, and stared at the pitch-black ceiling.
It felt like even time had started to slow down.
I didn’t know how long I’d been lying there like that, thoughts blank, but my eyelids were growing heavier, and my vision dimmer, until just as I was about to fall asleep, my phone screen suddenly lit up without warning.
Expressionless, I picked up my phone.
When I saw that annoying name, Yan Dong, I immediately turned the screen off without a second thought.
Did that help? Obviously not, because moments later I got a call from him.
“Seriously, what does he want calling outside of work hours?”
Annoyed beyond belief, I picked up the phone again and answered.
“Hello? What is it?”
Hearing my usual indifferent tone, the guy on the other end paused for a moment, then spoke in his typical lazy drawl: “Lin Yunxia, don’t forget about the hospital thing tomorrow morning.”
“Got it. Anything else?”
“Yeah. I ordered takeout to your place. Pick it up when it arrives.”
“What takeout?”
“You’ll see when it gets there.”
….