My tour plan for the Underworld was very simple.
“Take these two pills, and we’ll temporarily lose all signs of life, then we can enter the Underworld.”
Cluru took the small white pill I handed her and swallowed it without hesitation.
“I’m not taking it.” I put away the other pill. “You go by yourself.”
Cluru: “?”
“Uh…” I lowered my head awkwardly, my cheeks flushing a little.
“I haven’t met Uncle and Aunt yet, um, I still don’t know what kind of people they are. And after all these years, you haven’t seen them in a long time either, right… You go see them first, I’ll wait a few days before going.”
“Ah!” Cluru suddenly understood. “You’re chickening out?”
“I am not! I didn’t say I wouldn’t go! I just… I’ll go next time! I’m just not ready yet!” I hurriedly defended myself.
“Look, I’m a girl now, you’re a girl too, it’s yuri, the older generation might not accept that easily.”
“So?”
“So, you should go and give them a heads-up first, feel out their attitude. Otherwise, if they think I turned you, wouldn’t they hate me forever…”
“……”
Cluru thought what I said made sense.
So, with a flash, her tentacles shot out and tied me up tightly, then pinched up the pill and shoved it straight into my stomach.
“Wuuuuuuuuuuuu?!”
My face turned red as I struggled and flailed in panic: “What are you doing! Stop! I’m really not ready! At least wait until I’m older, more reliable… like with nine tails or something?”
“They won’t care about that. If they don’t respect you, then I don’t want them anymore.” Cluru looked at me with determination, wrapping me even tighter. “Don’t worry, I’ll always be on your side.”
“……”
The effects of the medicine kicked in, and my consciousness gradually faded.
But this time, I died in Cluru’s tender embrace, listening to her comforting words by my ear. I felt at peace as I died.
.
“Are you bigshots here for a tour of the Underworld? Please fill out this form at the registration counter, bigshots.”
We didn’t arrive at the Bridge of Forgetfulness, nor did we see the gentle and beautiful Mengpo Miss or the muscular, eight-pack Mengpo Aunt ladling soup for souls.
Since our lifespan wasn’t over, we were directly teleported to a Security Pavilion.
After filling out a form at the Security Pavilion, we went on to the Visitor Service Desk.
Ladies in graceful etiquette, dressed in Angel Cosplay Uniforms, sat behind the desk, smiling gently and nodding at me.
“What are the two of you here in the Underworld for today? Are you visiting a departed relative’s soul, or do you have grievances and want to petition Yanluo?”
“We’re looking for two people, a man named Mu Qingzhou, and a woman named Meng Yue.” Cluru stood on tiptoe as she spoke.
“All right, I’m helping you search for these two… Are they a married couple?”
“Yes.”
“We’ve found 8,771 couples with those names. Could you tell us the name of the planet they lived on in their last life? And what year did they die?”
“Earth, they died seventeen years ago, Earth time…”
“Please wait, filtering for you now… Found them! Very lucky, neither has undergone Reincarnation. They now live at 64454 Donghuang Avenue, Earth Village, and both work at Tian Di Bank as the Branch Manager and Accountant of the Donghuang District—quite high-ranking!”
“Could you help us find a guide? We’re not familiar with the roads in the Underworld,” I suggested.
“Would you like us to open a Transmission Gate for you right here? If you suffer from teleportation dizziness or have a fear of Transmission Gates… we can call a Paper Person Sedan for you as well.”
“Let’s use the Transmission Gate. The paper sedan… not used to it, kind of uncanny valley.”
“All right, then we wish you a pleasant journey in the Underworld.”
A bright Transmission Gate opened up in front of Cluru and me.
Cluru’s mouth formed an “O”: “The Underworld… has such great service!”
“What did you expect?”
“I thought it’d be all pitch-black ruins, terrifying ghosts missing arms or legs drifting through the wreckage, the river full of vengeful ghosts’ bloody hands, stray souls getting eaten at any moment… Isn’t that how the myths go?” Cluru retorted. “That’s what all the stories say!”
“Think about it. Who wrote those myths? Who’s the one most afraid of you dying in this world?”
Cluru pondered: “Family?”
“No, your boss. If you die, who will your boss order around? That’s why they don’t want you to die, so they made up those tales—stuff like suicides never reincarnate, suicides don’t get God’s salvation and will be damned forever… But really, who knows?”
“Wow~”
My words went in one of Cluru’s ears and out the other.
She never cared about such heavy topics; her attention had already been captivated by the wonders of the Underworld.
The Tian Di Bank building was tightly guarded. Security Ghost Officers with guns patrolled the entrance, their sharp eyes scanning the ghosts passing by.
A grand Spell Array stood atop the skyscraper, absorbing all sorts of sacrificial offerings—Paper Cars, Paper Money, and such—from the distant world of the living into the building.
Ghosts lined up to collect the good things their relatives had burned for them.
“Great Elder Wu, look, my son just burned me the latest iPhone 20.”
“That’s nothing, my son burned me a Paper Elf Maid! Heh heh~”
Ghosts came out of the bank, some rejoicing, some worried.
“Looks like all those odd sacrificial items are really popular down here.” I glanced at Cluru. “Have you ever burned anything for your parents?”
“Does burning Musicheng and Elder Mu for them count?”
“I don’t think that counts. Anything else?”
Cluru blushed: “After you and I… the tissue I used to wipe my tentacles… I just burned it… They probably didn’t receive it, right?”
“……”
Probably… right?
Cluru and I didn’t stand in line and walked straight into the building, stating our purpose.
“Here to visit the Branch Manager? You’re relatives of the Branch Manager? Please wait, the Branch Manager is in a meeting.”
“All right.”
Cluru and I sat quietly on the sofa in the lounge to wait.
As we waited… suddenly! The lights in the whole building turned a frightening shade of red, and an alarm blared through the entire place!
The Security Ghost Officers nearby turned pale, visibly tensing up.
“What happened?” I asked quickly.
“Dammit! **! Some idiot burned a nuke again!”
“……”
High above, a chubby missile-shaped object entered the bank’s Spell Array.
Bomb Disposal Ghost Officers in protective suits rushed forward, wielding all kinds of tools as they hurriedly disassembled the bomb.
“Lately, I don’t know what’s gotten into people—always burning paper nukes, paper tanks, paper planes for their relatives, and adding a note like, ‘Grandpa, Grandma, conquer more territory down there and don’t forget your favorite grandson’… ”
A Ghost Officer spat angrily.
“When these idiots finally die and come down here, I’m going to smash their heads ten times over.”
“……”
Looks like being a Branch Manager at Tian Di Bank is a high-risk job.
The Bomb Disposal Ghost Officers worked fast, and the farce quickly ended.
Just then, the Branch Manager finished the meeting as well.
Two people walked out of the office.
When they saw Cluru and me, they froze in disbelief—then cried out in surprise:
“Cluru?!”
“And Xiao Luo Xian!!”
Eh?
They know me?
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