Chapter 157: Turbulent Thoughts

This was an ill-timed question.

Lin Ziyan had already anticipated the answer Ye Xingmian would give.

But she still asked. Maybe to confirm, or maybe to force herself to make a decision.

Ye Xingmian was silent for a moment, then gave the answer that wasn’t surprising.

“I want to go to Liu Yinuo’s house.”

She lowered her head.

“She’s sick. When I was sick before, she took good care of me…”

“Even if I end up just getting in the way or causing trouble, I still have to go. At least let her know I care.”

She said these words as if to Lin Ziyan, but also as if to herself.

How strange.

She knew saying this would annoy Lin Ziyan, yet she still blurted it out. Why?

To prove something? To show determination? Or to provoke Lin Ziyan with hostility?

Anyway, she said it.

Even if it meant getting kicked out of the room and missing dinner, she didn’t care.

The atmosphere sank into an eerie silence, as if waiting for a silent execution.

Until Lin Ziyan did something Ye Xingmian didn’t expect.

She didn’t get angry. She didn’t kick her out. She just… looked lost.

Her expression stiffened slightly, tinged with melancholy. She didn’t look at Ye Xingmian, just stared out the window.

The curtain was open. In this slightly old, two-story house, she gazed at the pitch-black sky outside.

The velvety night settled into her jet-black pupils, while little lights dotted the scene like stars.

Ye Xingmian was a bit confused.

She could see the side of Lin Ziyan’s face, but she didn’t know what this reaction meant.

The confusion faded quickly, because Lin Ziyan forced a smile and said, reluctantly:

“Okay.”

Ye Xingmian frowned slightly. It felt strange, but she couldn’t pinpoint why, so she buried the doubt in her heart.

Lin Ziyan didn’t pay her any more attention. She just picked up the basket and took out the still-warm food.

There was meat, vegetables.

And two bowls of slightly dry rice, two glasses of water.

“Eat?”

It had been an afternoon. She wasn’t exactly hungry, but there was no reason to refuse food.

“Mm.”

The two picked up their chopsticks.

The same old silence. No common topics.

This scene seemed to have played out many times before, so much so that Ye Xingmian felt a sense of déjà vu.

Of course, it was fine.

They didn’t eat much.

When Ye Xingmian packed the leftovers into the basket and got up to leave, Lin Ziyan suddenly grabbed the hem of her shirt.

Ye Xingmian turned around in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

Lin Ziyan didn’t speak. She just stared straight at her.

For no reason, Ye Xingmian felt something was off.

Lin Ziyan looked possessed. Her eyes didn’t blink. She just kept staring.

It made her skin crawl.

When she heard Ye Xingmian’s voice, Lin Ziyan finally snapped out of that state.

“You… why aren’t you saying anything?”

Ye Xingmian frowned, hesitated, and tested the waters.

She didn’t expect Lin Ziyan to finally squeeze out just that one question.

“Can you… sleep with me tonight?”

“You’re not a little kid anymore. Why do you have to hold me to sleep?”

“I’m telling you, even if you threaten me, it won’t work. I’m sleeping in my own room tonight.”

Maybe because spending a day with Lin Ziyan had changed her view a little, Ye Xingmian became bolder.

She took a cautious step back, holding the basket in one hand and guarding her chest with the other.

“Mm… nothing. I just think you’re nice to hold, and you smell good.”

Lin Ziyan averted her gaze.

“Tch. But you sleep like an octopus, hugging me tight. It’s suffocating. And what if Uncle and Aunt find out?”

“You keep saying you’ll speak up for me, but when it comes down to it, do you think they’ll believe you?”

Ye Xingmian remembered the final warning from her foster parents before coming upstairs.

Especially the foster father’s look. It was terrifying.

“…Really not possible?”

“No!”

A very decisive refusal.

Ye Xingmian thought she’d have to argue longer, but Lin Ziyan gave up surprisingly easily.

That surprised Ye Xingmian.

“…Okay.”

But surprise aside, she wasn’t about to say it out loud.

She finally got rid of Lin Ziyan, got her own space, and it was so easy. She couldn’t ask for more. How could she possibly bring up another problem?

She wanted it this way too!

“Then that’s settled. I’m leaving.”

She walked toward the bedroom door.

Ye Xingmian paused for a moment, but didn’t linger.

“Oh, and that toy bear… you really don’t want it anymore?”

She said firmly:

“I don’t want it!”

After she left, she closed the door behind her.

Slap!

The room seemed to echo with just the sound of the door slamming shut.

Lin Ziyan tidied the table, then sat on the edge of the bed, hugging the toy bear that belonged to Ye Xingmian. Her expression was wistful.

There was nothing special about it.

Just an ordinary doll.

She hugged it, sniffed it, then fell back onto the bed.

The nice smell was gone.

The smell that belonged to her big brother.

No…

Not brother…

It was sister.

Sure enough, she wasn’t cut out to be a little sister. She was better suited to be a big sister.

For some reason, she missed the past.

Back then, she always wore a sullen face and didn’t even want to look at Ye Xingmian.

But Ye Xingmian always came over naively.

Every morning, she knocked on her door, calling her to get up.

When she got up impatiently, Ye Xingmian’s breakfast was already made.

Maybe she longed for a real family.

Ye Xingmian loved calling her “little sister,” but she never once called her parents “Mom” or “Dad.” Not even once.

Maybe it was because, in this family, Ye Xingmian felt only a little closeness to her.

Ye Xingmian always gave her whatever she wanted.

Whatever she asked, she did.

Braiding hair, washing clothes, tidying the room, massaging shoulders—even copying her boring Chinese homework. She always obediently agreed.

The old Ye Xingmian always liked to smile at her.

Back then, she didn’t care.

But now that she thought about it, maybe that was a kind of fawning, desperate affection?

What was she desperate for?

Even just a tiny bit of care that didn’t matter much?

Given Lin Ziyan’s position in her parents’ hearts, even if she had been moved by Ye Xingmian’s actions at some point, and had said just one word for her, Ye Xingmian’s situation at home wouldn’t have fallen so low.

Now looking back, she wasn’t innocent. She was a clueless perpetrator.

She had a chance to change the suffering Ye Xingmian endured.

But she didn’t care.

She didn’t see it.

Later, maybe she got tired? Or gave up?

Ye Xingmian gradually stopped smiling at her.

She still called her “little sister,” but something had completely soured.

Until that incident happened.

Ye Xingmian’s feelings toward her seemed to have completely turned into…

disgust.

She needed to sort out her thoughts, figure out what she really wanted.

What she wanted wasn’t a cute little sister who needed care.

It was someone who took care of her in every way, who had hope for her and loved her—a big sister.

This was undoubtedly a greedy, childish need.

But the old Ye Xingmian could have fulfilled that wish.

Not anymore.

That girl had been pushed into the abyss by her.

From the heart, completely estranged.

She wanted to make up for it.

But the inertia of time was too strong. Her meager changes were like a mantis trying to stop a chariot.

Besides, she couldn’t change completely.

She had selfish intentions.

So what should she do?

Tomorrow was Saturday.

She was going to leave her too, and go to Liu Yinuo’s house.

Lin Ziyan didn’t want her to go.

But what excuse could she use to stop her?

What reason could she give to make her stay?

What should she do…

What should she do?

She didn’t know.

Please.

Turn around and look at me.

I…

A fog of confusion invaded her sight.

She gloomily turned off the light and lay down on the bed.

Could it be that Lin Ziyan had given up on those inexplicable ideas?

Otherwise, why would she agree so readily?

The more she thought about it, the stranger it seemed.

Ye Xingmian shook her head, tossing those muddled thoughts out of her mind.

She put the basket in the dining room, told Xu Ming, and then went to the bathroom to wash up.

In the mirror, she saw her current reflection.

Pink-white skin, crystal clear.

Delicate features like a doll.

Those beautiful pink eyes seemed capable of making people lose themselves, looking very dreamy.

Her hair had grown again…

At this rate, no one would recognize that she was once a boy, would they?

She shook her head.

After washing up, she went upstairs.

Her schoolbag was by the bed.

The small attic was pitch black, with only the light from the streetlamp outside filtering in.

She hadn’t been back in a long time. A thin layer of dust seemed to have settled on the floor.

She lifted the bedding, beat it, and the bedboard let out an unpleasant creak.

She couldn’t sleep…

Tomorrow she was going to Liu Yinuo’s house. What should she say?

Would it be bad to go empty-handed?

She remembered she still had a little money left from the last cab ride in her phone…

Should she buy some fruit to take?

She pulled out her phone from her schoolbag and turned it on.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to have much battery left. It would die soon.

At this rate, the plan to buy something tomorrow seemed doomed.

After hesitating, she decided to do something useful with the little time left.

She opened QQ, found the pinned chat.

Nanfeng Liang: “Class monitor, are you there? I heard you have a cold. I’m a little worried about you… Can I come to your house tomorrow? I’ll try not to cause trouble…”

The phone had little battery left.

She didn’t know if she could wait for a reply.

But Liu Yinuo obviously didn’t see it right away.

Maybe she was busy with other things?

No choice. She had to wait.