I was more than 90% sure, but the moment I confirmed the truth, my head spun.
It felt like being in a car just seconds away from colliding with a dump truck.
My heart pounded wildly, as if it was about to burst out of my chest.
Swallowing my dry saliva repeatedly, I grabbed a mug and drank down some coffee.
A painful silence stretched on. Yoon Jooho pushed back his chair and stood up, picking up Monroe, who had been playing under the dining table.
“I’ll take him back to the room.”
Though it probably only took a minute or two, it felt like over ten minutes had passed.
Returning to the kitchen, Yoon Jooho pulled two cans of beer from the fridge.
He took out a cigarette, tossed the pack onto the table, and, holding the filter between his lips, lit it as he asked,
“How did you find out?”
That single question made the truth even clearer.
I had feared this moment so much that I hoped he wouldn’t come back from filming.
But the truth revealed itself in one brief sentence. No, that’s just how truth works.
The path to uncovering it is rough, but the truth itself is simple and straightforward.
Without thinking, Song Hyunsoo suddenly lifted his head to look at him.
“You’re not going to deny it?”
“If I deny it, will you believe me?”
“……”
“Who told you?”
“Is that important now?”
“You should know who to confront.”
“There’s no one to confront. I started doubting on my own.”
“……”
“I remembered something while packing. The perfume and T-shirt in the box inside your dressing room. I realized where else I’d seen them.”
Yoon Jooho held the cigarette between his fingers, lifted his chin, stared up at the ceiling, and bit his lower lip.
“You should have told me.”
At Song Hyunsoo’s voice, he lowered his chin and shot him a glare.
“You want me to spill just because you heard something? You already know how I’ll react.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That you hated being linked to someone you knew. You said that’s why you broke up before.”
“If it’s something I hate that much, shouldn’t I talk about it more? Don’t I have the right to know about it?”
“That’s my past. Who I met is none of your business.”
“Have I ever asked who else you met before?”
“……”
“That doesn’t matter. But if you met someone I know, then it’s common courtesy to tell me. Especially since that person is still the closest to me…!”
Song Hyunsoo couldn’t finish his sentence and turned his head away.
Opening the beer can in front of him, he took three big gulps.
“I kept thinking about it while sitting here.”
“About what?”
“How every single thing you did to me was calculated.”
“……”
“Like how you clung to me after we started dating, and how sensitive you got whenever I received a call… You were afraid I’d find out, right?”
Crushing the beer can in his hand, Song Hyunsoo smiled bitterly.
“I thought you did all that because you liked me so much. I even thought it was cute.”
“Is that the only way you can think about it?”
Yoon Jooho’s voice sharpened. Song Hyunsoo’s retort was no softer.
With his head bowed, glaring at the table, he clenched the can tightly.
“Even if that wasn’t all of it, you can’t say there was no such reason.”
Yoon Jooho’s hat lying on the chair caught his eye. It was so pitiful and ridiculous that a dry laugh escaped him.
“Do you know who picked that hat?”
“……”
“Jin asked his older brother to do it. Because I have no taste or sense.”
“……”
“For the birthday present of the man I like… he asked the only person that man cared about!”
“Don’t exaggerate. You never even dated. It was a dud.”
Song Hyunsoo glared at him with eyes full of resentment.
“A dud can still cause smoke.”
“It was just sex.”
“Like how it was with me at first?”
“……”
“That’s not the point,” Song Hyunsoo shook his head violently.
“I’m not trying to argue how deep your relationship was. The problem is that you hid it from me on purpose.”
“What good would it do for you to know? Don’t you think I did it to protect you?”
“I do.”
“……”
“I think you did it because you didn’t want to lose me.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I understand it was hard to open your mouth at first. I would’ve been the same. But after that, you should have made an effort. Told me the truth and tried to work it out with me. But you didn’t. You chose to keep burying it and to deceive me more thoroughly.”
A deep sigh escaped Yoon Jooho’s lips. He wiped his face like trying to erase it and nervously sucked on the cigarette filter. His voice was cold but calm as he continued,
“Yeah, I hid it.”
“……”
“I told you never to mention it. That’s why I called Jung Jin, too.”
“Ah…”
“Seo Hae and Sangho. I made sure they kept their mouths shut.”
Director Bang and Seo Hae.
It felt surreal to be surrounded by people who knew Yoon Jooho’s past.
Among those suited-up figures, I suddenly felt exposed, as if I alone was standing naked. My ears burned.
As he flicked ash into the ashtray, Yoon Jooho gave Song Hyunsoo a crooked smile.
“Don’t you think it was pretty exhausting? Aren’t I admirable?”
Song Hyunsoo’s clenched fist tightened even more after he set down the beer can.
“Without realizing that, I hoped you would make peace with him. I saw the record of your call to him and felt happy! Pitifully happy!”
“Why? Why pitiful?”
“You don’t think it’s pitiful?”
“I think the one who struggled trying to hide it is much more pitiful.”
“What if I had met Seo Hae?”
“Why do you keep switching topics like that?”
“What if I told you I didn’t tell you because I was only sleeping with Seo Hae? So you, knowing nothing, praised Seo Hae in front of me, asked him to pick out my present, and were happy seeing the two of us together all this time?”
His voice grew louder with emotion. Then, suddenly dropping in pitch, Song Hyunsoo whispered with a shaky breath,
“Don’t you think you became a fool?”
“……”
“Whether intentional or not, lying makes someone miserable.”
Song Hyunsoo’s head dropped heavily. His knuckles ached from how tightly he’d clenched his fists, but he didn’t notice.
Then, as if remembering something incredibly important long forgotten, he raised his head and looked at Yoon Jooho with surprised eyes.
The flush on his face moments ago vanished instantly.
Yoon Jooho’s gaze slid to Hyunsoo’s trembling lips.
“Lee Seokyung, that matter… surely, Jung Jin knows about it too?”
Please, say it’s not true. Song Hyunsoo’s eyes looked almost desperate.
But Yoon Jooho didn’t give him the answer he wanted. He just licked his lips and bit them.
Song Hyunsoo swallowed dryly and slowly shook his head.
“The ‘X-gun Scandal’ came out, so it was talked about. It wasn’t a whispered secret.”
Yoon Jooho added the explanation, but Song Hyunsoo shook his head faster and faster.
He couldn’t bear to stay there any longer.
Snatching his phone off the table, he stood up, ready to run out, but Yoon Jooho grabbed his arm firmly.
“Where are you going?”
“Let go. I can’t stay here.”
“If you don’t want to be with me, go to the second floor.”
“Right now, it’s better if we’re just apart.”
Song Hyunsoo tried to dash forward, but Yoon Jooho pulled at his arm hard.
“Look at me. Song Hyunsoo, look at me.”
Why? So I’ll see your face and soften?
He pushed away Yoon Jooho’s hand trying to hold his jaw.
“When you brought up Lee Seokyung, you should have spoken then. That moment—you really shouldn’t have lied.”
Because that moment was special.
It was the moment I believed our relationship was solidly bound by truth and trust.
Even that most precious thing felt soiled by lies and concealment.
“I thought you’d like it if only I knew! Was that wrong?”
“That’s just a comforting lie. Who asked you to do that?”
I didn’t like it. I couldn’t tell anyone how hard it must have been for you. I only felt pain and pity.
A sticky silence settled under our feet. Yoon Jooho gripped Song Hyunsoo’s arm as if trying to break it, then suddenly whispered in a soft, desperate voice,
“It doesn’t matter who it was. The past was all failures meant to reach you. If I could, I’d cut it all out. Don’t you get it? You’re the only one.”
The sincere pain reminded me of Yoon Jooho acting in dramas. Surprised by the sudden shift, I met his eyes.
But the face I looked up at was cold and frozen, his lips curled in a sneer.
“Do you think saying this will make you feel better?”
Looking into his eyes, I realized that after Manager Cha Kyumin’s betrayal and locking himself away behind the Master Zone’s door, he had retreated inside his shell.
“Do as you want. I hate pandering anyway. I was damn tired of it.”
“Ugh.”
“You said you’d never betray me, but you had such a shallow heart.”
Yoon Jooho yanked Song Hyunsoo’s arm hard as if he himself had been betrayed, grinding his teeth.
“Hiding, deceiving, making a fool of someone—that’s betrayal, isn’t it?”
“……”
“Don’t dress up your cowardice in love just because you hid it.”
His long, graceful eyebrows twitched.
“What kind of delusion is that?”
A cold, fishy smile played on his thin lips.
“When did I ever say I loved you?”
Such a repulsive person.
I broke free of the arm holding me so tightly that it felt like blood flow had stopped.
I headed straight for the front door, practically running.
I didn’t even properly put on my shoes, just sliding my feet in and reaching for the doorknob.
I didn’t hear any footsteps behind me, but before I realized it, Yoon Jooho grabbed the back of my neck hard.
Thud.
He shoved me toward the shoe cabinet opposite the mirror.
“Huh!”
Our lips collided forcefully. I shook my head wildly to reject the kiss, but he gripped my jaw so hard my flesh was crushed.
Staring straight at me, barely an inch from my lips, tears filled my eyes.
“If you leave now, it’s really over. You’ll never come back.”
It was impossible to push him away with just arm strength as he raged.
Using my whole body, I charged at him and shoved him hard.
Thud.
As his back hit the mirror, I grabbed the collar of his knit sweater near the neck and twisted it.
With tears shimmering blue in my eyes, I stared back at him.
“Fuck, so I’m supposed to be scared??”
“……”
“Fuck off.”
I opened the door and ran out.
It took about a minute for the elevator to come up, but Yoon Jooho never stepped outside the front door.
Only after I got on the elevator and the doors closed did the tears fall.
Raising my arm, I roughly wiped them with my sweatshirt sleeve.
I didn’t want to see my reflection in the mirror and turned my head away.