Chapter 154: Can’t Anymore

He had never revealed his name anywhere else, nor did he have many connections in real life, so it could only have been in reality where his name was leaked.

That meant, at the very least, the person had seen him in real life, or at the very least, was someone he could talk to.

Just as Xiao Yi’an was about to start sifting through his memories, he suddenly froze.

If he went to look for his White Moonlight now, what would that make him?

A persistent pest, the kind you can’t shake off.

Even after his White Moonlight had finally reached the absolute limit of tolerance for his aversion, and had struggled to break away, if he sought him out again—

How selfish would that be?

It was just like before, when he had subconsciously forced a moral burden on White Moonlight to take care of him—even if he was hated, he still made the other person continue looking after him.

He couldn’t go looking for his White Moonlight anymore; he couldn’t keep being shamelessly clingy.

But he couldn’t lose his White Moonlight, either. It had always been that way, up till now.

That was his pillar of support. Just the thought of facing any future troubles, opening that chat window and seeing only that glaringly bright red exclamation mark—he felt as if a chunk of his heart would be gouged out.

He didn’t think he could accept that.

Just the thought of that result made it seem as if everything around him had dimmed; he couldn’t see the road ahead, nothing at all.

But he couldn’t give up on himself, even if his White Moonlight had given up on him.

Because his White Moonlight had only let go after seeing that he was starting to reclaim his own life. The original intent was to keep him from depending on the other person.

If he gave up on himself just because of this one act of letting go, then all the kindness the other person had shown until now—including the letting go just now—would all be wasted.

Not only that, but if he really did that, it would still be a kind of coercion, just like before—a coercion using himself as leverage, trapping the other person’s kindness.

Not letting him live numbly as before, nor letting him die.

Forcing him to live, to find his own life.

Why are there such good people? Why did he drive away such a good person?

If only he had known from the start that he was wrong all along…

No, even if he’d known it was wrong back then, he still would have done it. Only now, after other life events had forced him to return to his own life, was he able to break free.

He was destined to lose his White Moonlight.

That was his ending.

This was the pitiful, lamentable, hateful Xiao Yi’an.

Today, he lost his White Moonlight forever—his most important person. He also lost Ye Qingchang, the only person in college he could really call a friend. And soon, with no club president, he was about to lose the Literature Club he treated as his tiny base.

He had nothing left.

Stumbling to his feet, Xiao Yi’an felt as though there was a wall in front of him, unable to see the road ahead.

He reached out, and seemed to feel moisture at the corner of his eye.

It seemed that, just as he’d been reminiscing about the past, that wall—the one obscuring the future between him and White Moonlight—had already appeared before his eyes.

He didn’t even know where he should go now.

His phone vibrated; he hastily brought it before his eyes.

It wasn’t his White Moonlight accepting his friend request, nor was it Ye Qingchang adding him back to say she’d just been in a bad mood from her period.

It was just a call from an unknown number.

But there was no marking—didn’t look like a spam call.

So he answered it.

“Sorry, I don’t have much time right now. If you need something…” Whatever it was, Xiao Yi’an wanted to refuse it at the moment.

But what came through was a lively female voice he’d never heard before.

Hello, hello, this is the Intern Goddess.

Xiao Yi’an frowned, thinking it was some nonsensical scam call and was about to hang up.

“I’m the one who turned Ye Qingchang from a boy into the goddess she is now.”

The youth stopped himself from hanging up.

He believed it—after all, barely anyone knew Ye Qingchang used to be a boy.

“What do you want from me?”

“Aiya, why so aggressive? Did your girlfriend just dump you?” the so-called goddess teased, “It’s not a big deal. It’s just that I can’t get in touch with Ye Qingchang, and wanted you to pass along a message—I have something important to remind her about.”

“I can’t reach her anymore, we’ve already broken off contact.” Xiao Yi’an glanced in the direction Ye Qingchang had left, but couldn’t see her figure at all.

There weren’t many people on campus in the evening to begin with, let alone beside the unlit basketball court.

“Eh, that’s too bad. It’s actually a very important matter—her life is at stake, you know.” The Intern Goddess sounded rather regretful.

“What is it?” Xiao Yi’an raised his eyebrow.

It seemed that the Literature Club president wasn’t so simple after all.

Or was he just overthinking things?

“Aiya, it’s just that if she doesn’t complete the romantic mission target’s conquest within three years—if they don’t become a couple—she’ll die.” The voice on the other end sounded troubled, “Aiya, even just a day as a couple would count! Why did she even take the initiative to break things off with her romantic mission target?”

“What did you say?” Xiao Yi’an froze. “What romantic mission target?”

“That’s you.” The Intern Goddess blurted out, then hastily covered her mouth, “Oh, so you didn’t know anything! Does that mean you don’t know her identity, either… Just pretend I didn’t say anything. Forget I said anything.”

“What identity?”

Xiao Yi’an waited, but no response came. He looked down to see the call had already ended.

Ye Qingchang was indeed hiding many things.

Not to mention that ever-present sense of unease, that identity Ye Qingchang had deliberately concealed and he didn’t dare guess at.

Ye Qingchang had come to him carrying a life-or-death romantic mission.

She hadn’t come to toy with his feelings, nor to wreck things between him and White Moonlight.

She just wanted to live.

And she had never once lied to him, not ever.

Yet, he had still driven away such a person.

What Ye Qingchang probably wanted was just to find him and be real, even just for a day—as a genuine couple. That way, she could live.

Literature Club President Ye Qingchang just wanted to survive.

But he had blocked every path Ye Qingchang had to survive.

What had he done?

Xiao Yi’an grabbed at his own hair.

He was the greatest sinner in his whole life.

And yet, a sinner like him had met two extremely kind people—his White Moonlight and Ye Qingchang.

But now, both had left him.

White Moonlight left and found liberation, but Ye Qingchang had to pay the price for his sins.

No, this couldn’t go on.

Xiao Yi’an picked up his phone again.

He had to see Ye Qingchang one more time.

At the very least, he couldn’t let Ye Qingchang down.

He had already manifested his sins with the White Moonlight he would never see again; he couldn’t do the same to Ye Qingchang, who had helped him so many times.

Even if it was just to be a couple for one day—just a day, what could it possibly do to him?

All she wanted was this one small favor, but not only had he failed to help, he’d also blocked every possible route, and even hurt Ye Qingchang’s heart more than once along the way.

Right, thinking back on it, how could it have been possible? How could Ye Qingchang, who was once a boy, have confessed to him?

She was just someone who’d been driven to desperation, sending him one last cry for help.

But now, he couldn’t contact Ye Qingchang.

Then, as if recalling something, Xiao Yi’an sent a message to Xu Nian.