Chapter 146: Dissolve: His Last Choice

It ended up taking three to four times longer than usual to finish showering.

But if you counted the bathroom sex, it definitely ended sooner than usual.

Once it started, Yoon Jooho never knew how to finish ‘in moderation.’

He’d only be satisfied after seeing his partner completely exhausted and limp, like he had to conquer them.

That was true whether it was in the bathroom or on the bed.

Is he really not feeling well?

Watching Yoon Jooho drape the gown over himself and dry his hair, Song Hyunsoo felt a bit sorry for suspecting he was sick.

“When you finish drying your hair, just lie down quietly. I’ll bring you some peaches.”

This time, Yoon Jooho nodded obediently.

Checking the app on his phone, Hyunsoo saw the peaches had already arrived at the front door.

He confirmed Monroe sleeping soundly by the window, then brought the peaches and transferred them to a bowl.

When he returned to the bedroom, Yoon Jooho was sitting against the headboard, reading the script.

The curtain that Song Hyunsoo had left slightly open was now tightly closed again.

“Is Monroe still asleep?”

“Yeah, she’s calm.”

“She acted like she’d never come out of that room.”

“Senior, don’t read the script. Just rest.”

Hyunsoo placed the tray on the nightstand and took the script away from him.

“You’re lying down. How much more rest do you need?”

“You shouldn’t use your brain at times like this. Just eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Got it?”

Hyunsoo handed the bowl of peaches and a fork to Yoon Jooho.

“Eat. I’ll go get the medicine.”

“Medicine?”

“Take one cold medicine pill and sleep.”

“Oh…”

“I saw it in the first aid kit earlier.”

But when Hyunsoo came back with the medicine, Yoon Jooho was still just holding the bowl of peaches without eating any.

“Why aren’t you eating? Try some. It used to be a special treat only for when I was sick.”

“I don’t even have the strength to hold a spoon.”

Yoon Jooho muttered weakly, his gaze drifting diagonally downward.

It was flawless acting, but Hyunsoo put his hands on his hips crookedly, looking at him with disapproval.

“…If you’re going to lie, at least make it convincing. At least pretend to believe you.”

“Why?”

“How can you not have the strength to hold a spoon but still have a hard-on? And such a hard one.”

“Earlier, you were so sexy that my testosterone, oxytocin, and dopamine all surged at once, and for a moment, I had supernatural powers. Now I’m just tired.”

Yoon Jooho rambled on about how he wished Hyunsoo would feed him the peaches.

With a sigh of resignation, Hyunsoo cleared the bowl and fork away and instead handed over the pills and a cup of water.

“Take the medicine first.”

He placed a small pill on the palm of his hand, and Yoon Jooho grimaced.

“Are you really this reluctant to take a single pill, grown man?”

“I hate all medicine.”

“Aww, our senior is like that? Medicine is so scary?”

“I’ve seen several doctors about my insomnia. After taking the medicine, I always felt nauseous, dizzy, and completely drained. But if I didn’t take it, I couldn’t sleep, so it interfered with my work, so I had to force myself to take it. Maybe I could sleep right after taking it, but the drowsiness and foggy feeling lasted until the next day… I felt like I became a drug addict. Later, I even started sleepwalking, and falling asleep became scary. I quit and started again several times, and eventually, I just hated all medicine.”

“…”

Hyunsoo, who had teased him like a child for hating medicine, now really wanted to shut his mouth.

“When did your insomnia start?”

“When did yours start?”

“For me, of course, after Hongseo left.”

“Ah…”

“And you, senior?”

Yoon Jooho popped the pill into his mouth, downing all the water in the cup to swallow the tiny thing.

He even seemed to hate the faint aftertaste the pill left behind.

Then he put the cup down on the nightstand and answered flatly.

“I don’t even remember when it started. I grew up never being able to sleep regularly. I can nap well when I’m in the car waiting or traveling, but lying down on the bed at home, I just can’t sleep.”

“You’ve had that since you were a kid?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“No, it’s just… it sounds like it’s been that way for a long time…”

Hyunsoo had always thought it started after ‘that person’ left.

That his insomnia came from the loss of ‘that person.’

That cold man had even muttered in his sleep, tears streaming, begging him not to go.

“How did you live like that?”

“Sangho said sometimes, if I’d slept like normal kids, I’d be over two meters tall by now.”

Yoon Jooho chuckled.

Hyunsoo wanted to scold him for laughing at a time like this, but the one who suffered the most, the one who had lived through that time firsthand, was Yoon Jooho himself.

He couldn’t pretend to be more upset than him while Jooho smiled and told the story.

Thinking he might lose control of his expression, Hyunsoo picked up the bowl and fork from the nightstand.

He sliced a small piece of the soft peach, yellow with a slight orange tint, and held it up to Yoon Jooho’s lips.

Yoon Jooho opened his mouth to take it, quietly gazing at Hyunsoo’s face.

“Why does your face look like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look completely rotten.”

“My face is like a banana left out at room temperature for over two weeks?”

“Don’t make that face.”

“Ah, it’s too pitiful! It’s because I feel sorry for you.”

“Me?”

Yoon Jooho asked with a puzzled tone.

It wasn’t that he disliked being called pitiful, but he was surprised to hear it for the first time.

“I know exactly how long and hard you’ve been working since you started. You must have suffered so much not being able to sleep properly all that time. Of course you’re pitiful.”

Hyunsoo hadn’t intended to show his distress.

He tried to let it pass with a laugh, tried to act composed, but for someone like him who wears his heart on his sleeve, it wasn’t easy.

“Pitiful…”

Yoon Jooho repeated the word quietly, rolling the foreign-sounding charm of it around his mouth.

“My grandmother said the same thing. That the Prince is pitiful.”

“Your grandmother?”

Hyunsoo looked down at the spoon cutting the peach, avoiding Jooho’s gaze.

“She said there’s a reason her son, who obeyed quietly for thirty years, turned out like this. Parents would die to protect their kids, but his parents are going around making you out to be the bad guy. That’s why she said you’re pitiful.”

The more Hyunsoo spoke, the more his own emotions wavered.

Was it worse for someone like him, who didn’t even know his parents’ faces, or worse for Yoon Jooho, who had loving parents but never received their affection?

Swallowing a sigh, Hyunsoo cut another piece of peach and held the spoon up to Jooho’s lips again.

The actor Yoon Jooho, who Hyunsoo had watched on TV since he was very young, was sitting on the bed in a pristine state after showering, waiting for him to feed him the peach.

There were still moments when the fact that they were dating felt unfamiliar.

The lover Yoon Jooho and the actor Yoon Jooho didn’t completely merge, and it was like looking at a subject through a lens out of focus, split in two.

Wow, this is mine.

In moments like this, his heart beat faster, and beyond excitement, a chill ran down his spine as if feeling something like fear.

If Yoon Jooho were his child, he’d never let his feet touch the ground and would carry him around.

How harsh had they been to a son whose only flaw was his personality?

“Do you feel sorry for me too?”

Yoon Jooho asked, the sweet scent of the peach lingering.

“When you were just an actor in dramas, I thought you had everything. You probably got all your unreasonable demands fulfilled, pushed away anyone you didn’t like with just a gesture, and lived literally like the Prince, no, like a king.”

Yoon Jooho laughed softly, as if hearing a child’s ridiculous fantasy about princes and princesses.

“But when I saw you up close, it wasn’t like that.”

“…”

“Senior, you’re right. If you’d lived like that, there’s no way you could have held this spot for nearly thirty years. Maybe three years, but thirty? Impossible. I guess I thought the world would be harsh only to me and easy on you.”

Hyunsoo confessed his feelings with a hint of apology.

He had been sorry for judging his life as easy just by watching him smile and act effortlessly on TV, without knowing the effort he had put in to hold his place for thirty years.

Yoon Jooho, who had been quietly listening, spoke calmly.

“You’re not giving me any more?”

“Peaches? Oh, I will. How is it? Good?”

Hyunsoo gave him another slice of yellow peach, and Yoon Jooho obediently ate it.

“So, do you really feel sorry for me?”

After a brief pause, Hyunsoo finally nodded.

“Yes. I feel sorry for you. Someone like me from the bottom of the barrel feels sorry for Yoon Jooho. It’s a comedy, but one with no punchline.”

As Hyunsoo looked down and smiled bitterly, Yoon Jooho snatched the bowl and fork from him.

What? Was he mad that a struggling actor like Hyunsoo felt sorry for him?

Yoon Jooho placed the stolen spoils on the nightstand and grabbed Hyunsoo’s arm, pulling him down.

Off balance, Hyunsoo fell half over Yoon Jooho’s stomach.

“What’s wrong? You’re heavy.”

Hyunsoo tried to lift himself up, but Yoon Jooho hugged his waist and pulled him even higher.

“Putting you on my stomach won’t ruin my organs.”

“Can’t you at least speak nicely with that pretty mouth?”

“If I spoke nicely too, could I handle it?”