Topaz Palace:
Rudella was once again handling documents, lost in her thoughts.
Most of the documents were related to the royal family plans and procedures for banquets, official events, and diplomatic visits.
However, none of it caught her attention. Her mind kept drifting back to the sweet and innocent memories of that time, and she couldn’t focus on anything else.
This was the first time in her 20 years of life that she had experienced something like this.
Whenever she thought about the time spent with him, her face would flush, and her heart would race.
Yet, that tingling sensation was strangely pleasant, and she found herself wanting to hold on to it.
The longing and desire that she could no longer suppress had consumed her.
Rudella couldn’t stop thinking about Yohan Harssen in order to maintain that feeling, to keep that fluttering sensation alive.
She remembered everything—the time they walked together through the imperial capital, his smile inside the cave, and even the shared warmth from the slightest touch.
She had not forgotten a single moment.
She didn’t want to forget.
“Ha…”
Eventually, Rudella sighed.
Her life had become like walking through a forest full of thick fog.
Little by little, she had become addicted to Yohan Harssen, and once she had come to her senses, she realized she could never escape.
Just a little more, would this be okay? Perhaps this was still within the limits?
These careless thoughts slowly consumed her.
‘This is… really severe.’
She chuckled softly. Even though it was a difficult situation, she wasn’t bothered by it at all.
The emotions she was feeling now were new and exhilarating, and the faint sense of strange anticipation was making her feel good.
‘Maybe there’s no going back now.’
She had always been familiar with emotional restraint and the suppression of desire, but now, she wasn’t confident she could do it.
The new feelings she had discovered were simply too sweet to forget.
Why did her heart ache over something like this? Was she enjoying just the thought of it?
But… Rudella knew.
She knew she would never be able to see the end of this emotion.
Yohan was not just anyone—he was the lover of Princess Ferbache, and he was about to marry her.
Rudella herself was destined to become the empress, the future ruler of the empire.
But there was a way.
If Yohan Harssen chose her, Rudella could immediately sever ties with her family and give up on becoming empress.
In that case, only the name Rudella would remain, but she wouldn’t care. As long as she could be with Yohan, she wouldn’t mind losing all her rights and privileges.
Such was the bitter yet sweet illness known as love.
However…
Unfortunately, Yohan Harssen would never choose her.
He was a man of integrity, and no matter what, he would never betray his lover.
“Why… Why is the sky so indifferent?”
Rudella murmured quietly as she gazed out the window. The moon had just risen, its light shining softly in the night sky.
As her desire and longing grew stronger, she wanted more and more.
At first, it was enough just to watch him, just to think about him, but now… now, she truly wanted him.
But that feeling would never be returned.
He would never accept her feelings.
‘If only I were Princess Ferbache.’
Just then, while Rudella was putting the documents aside and quietly admiring the view outside, there was a knock at the door.
Knock knock.
A servant from Topaz Palace stood at the door.
– “Miss, a guest has arrived. They are waiting in front of Topaz Palace.”
“Guest?”
Rudella tilted her head. Who would come to Topaz Palace at this hour? She couldn’t think of anyone.
She saw the Empress every morning, and the Crown Prince never came to Topaz Palace no matter what.
“Who is it?”
– “It’s Master Harssen, the Grand Mage.”
“!!!”
At the mention of his name, Rudella’s heart sank. A shiver ran down her spine, as if struck by lightning.
Why had he come to see her?
But at that moment, that question no longer mattered.
“Wait, wait for him to come in.”
Rudella hurriedly stood up and looked at the mirror hanging on the wall.
She smoothed out her somewhat messy hair and carefully checked her makeup to ensure it wasn’t ruined.
After confirming everything was in order, she could finally speak.
“Hmm. Tell him to come into Topaz Palace.”
– “Yes, Miss.”
After giving the order, Rudella nervously clenched and unclenched her fists, brushed her lips with her fingers, and gently tapped her cheek with her fingertips.
She wondered if she might be able to see Yohan, so she glanced out the window… and then checked her reflection in the mirror, turning her head.
After a few minutes of restlessness, there was another knock at the door.
– “Miss, Master Harssen has arrived.”
“…Let him in.”
The door clicked open, and a man appeared. His dark blue hair and deep blue eyes gleamed faintly. It was none other than Yohan Harssen.
“Long time no see, Lady Bismarck.”
He greeted her politely with a light smile. Upon seeing that smile, Rudella momentarily parted her lips, swallowed nervously, and replied.
“…Welcome.”
Rudella held back the words “I missed you” that were about to spill from her throat.
She managed to suppress the emotions that were threatening to explode, but in her heart, she had already crossed that line many times over.
The only reason she remained silent was because she feared that this moment might shatter.
“May I sit down?”
“Yes, of course.”
When Yohan sat down on the sofa, Rudella sat across from him.
“I’ll have tea brought.”
Though she hadn’t said anything, a servant from Topaz Palace soon appeared with a tea cart, setting the teacups down.
As the steam rose from the tea, the gentle fragrance of flowers and herbs filled the room.
“…What brings you here today?”
Rudella asked after the servant had left.
“I had some business at the palace. I also heard some news about you, Lady Bismarck, so I thought I would stop by while I was in the area.”
Rudella tilted her head.
“News?”
“Yes.”
Yohan picked up his teacup and continued.
“I heard from His Highness the Crown Prince. He mentioned that you’ve been struggling to concentrate, that you’ve been in a daze. I was concerned it might be a lingering effect from the attack, so I came to check on you.”
Rudella’s lips twitched into a faint smile. He had come because he was worried about her? It made her incredibly happy.
The fact that he had thought that meant that, in some small corner of his heart, Rudella’s name had been etched.
“The aftermath… isn’t the case. It’s just… I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”
“I see.”
Yohan set down his teacup and looked at Rudella with a keen gaze. Just his look made her heart race wildly.
“Then it’s a relief.”
Yohan smiled lightly. Rudella fidgeted with her fingers and turned her gaze elsewhere.
Did he know why she was feeling like this? He probably didn’t.
No, maybe he had an inkling. She had shown him enough through her actions.
Still, the reason he had come to ask about her was because of his kind-hearted nature.
“You still can’t focus on work, I see.”
Yohan glanced at the desk, where documents lay untouched in a pile.
“Yes, lately, I haven’t been able to concentrate at all…”
Rudella took a sip from her teacup, still avoiding Yohan’s gaze.
“What’s been on your mind?”
“I… can’t say.”
How could she admit that she couldn’t function normally because she was constantly thinking of him?
It wasn’t just crossing a line. Saying it out loud to him would be too embarrassing.
“If it’s difficult, you don’t have to tell me. Everyone has their own concerns.”
Luckily, Yohan didn’t press any further. Rudella felt a sense of relief, mixed with an odd feeling of regret.
If the conversation had continued like this… perhaps she could have confessed her feelings to him.
‘…No.’
That thought didn’t last long. It was an impossible situation.
Her desire to get closer to him might make her lose the distance they had now.
“I think you’re fine, so I’ll take my leave.”
As Yohan stood up, Rudella looked at him with wide eyes.
“You’re leaving already?”
“Yes. I just came to check in today.”
“…..”
Rudella’s hand hovered in the air. The desire to hold him back collided with her rational side, telling her not to.
‘But… why?’
She didn’t want to let him go. The desire to stay with him longer gripped her.
Had she been thinking of him for so long? She couldn’t suppress the longing rising within her any longer.
Summoning her courage, Rudella made a suggestion.
“…Would you like to take a walk in the garden?”
“The garden?”
“Yes.”
Feeling the heat rising in her face, Rudella quickly turned her head, afraid he might notice how red she had become.
“Sometimes… I just want to get some fresh air.”
“…….”
When there was no reply, Rudella added some rambling words.
“Th-the lilies have bloomed in full. Their appearance is so beautiful… I thought I’d like to show you too… Ah, if you don’t have time, if you’re busy, it’s fine… This is just a simple suggestion…”
She didn’t even know what she was saying. She was just adding words at random, hoping he wouldn’t think it was strange.
“…Are we going back?”
Rudella gently lifted her gaze and met Yohan’s eyes. Looking into his deep blue eyes, she felt as if her heart was being drawn in.
Thump. Thump.
Her heart raced. Her fingertips twitched and opened and closed repeatedly, and her lips moved.
She wished he would understand the meaning behind his suggestion to walk the garden together, but at the same time, she hoped he’d never realize it.
Rudella struggled continuously between desires she could not decide on and her rationality.
“……”
Yohan checked the watch on his wrist, then nodded.
“Alright. It should be fine if we just take a brief stroll in the garden.”
When he accepted the suggestion, Rudella’s lips curled slightly. It was a restrained expression of her feelings.
“Then let’s go right away.”
As Rudella stood up and tried to leave, Yohan stopped her for a moment.
“It’s cold. It would be best to have a servant bring a coat.”
Winter was approaching. While it wasn’t cold enough for snow yet, the weather was chilly enough.
“Ah… I will do that.”
Rudella nodded and rang the bell with her fingertips. As the bell jingled, a servant entered.
“Please bring me a coat.”
* * *
It was a night when the moon rose.
The faint moonlight couldn’t completely erase the shadows of winter lingering in the flower garden.
The white lilies, fully in bloom, drooped, weighed down by the coming cold of winter.
As the moonlight gently settled on the petals, the light appeared to be tinged with red.
In that moment, Rudella realized it was because her own gaze had turned red with emotion.
“It’s even more beautiful than when we came last time.”
Yohan, who had been walking beside her, looked around and said. His attention was entirely focused on the lily garden.
“That’s because of the magic effect. By next April… it will be even more beautiful.”
“Because that’s the season for lilies?”
“Yes.”
Rudella gently placed her hand next to his. With the winter breeze blowing, the warmth from his fingertips tempted her.
It would only take a single finger to touch him, but she hesitated, afraid of that short distance.
At that moment, Yohan turned his head to look at her. Flustered, Rudella withdrew her hand and blushed.
He spoke.
“By then, Lady Bismarck will shine even more brightly. You’re the one who suits lilies better than anyone.”
Her heart seemed to stop at those unexpected words.
“Ah…”
The emotions she had long suppressed with reason finally crumbled at that moment.
He didn’t know. He didn’t know how much his careless words could stir up a huge wave inside her.
For Rudella, Yohan’s voice, his smile, and the time they spent walking together in this garden in complete silence were precious beyond words.
She asked herself.
She had endured so much up until now, but how much longer would she have to suppress it?
The answer had already been decided. Her yearning grew stronger, and the desire she had kept cold and suppressed turned into a burning flame, consuming her heart.
For this moment, she wanted to be his everything. In the name of love, she wanted to hold on to this man who endlessly made her thirsty.
“… Harssen, The Grand mage.”
“Yes.”
When Rudella called his name, Yohan looked at her with a calm expression.
“I…”
Her lips were dry, and they cracked. Her tongue felt heavy, as if it were a foreign presence.
How had it become so difficult to put her thoughts into a single sentence?
Rudella clenched her trembling hands tightly.
“I want you.”
Her voice trembled slightly.
Her breath, faint as if it were being interrupted, continued, but Rudella forced herself to swallow even that.
The breath settled deep inside her chest, and it became a solid weight within her lungs.
It was an ordinary breath, but for her, it was a sign of unwavering resolve.
“… Become my man.”