The barbecue restaurant we had rented for the shoot was also booked for a meal afterward.
Many staff members and other actors were already seated, eating.
Among them was a familiar face I hadn’t seen in a very long time.
As I shifted my gaze, a man with a kind expression immediately raised his hand. It was Director Choi Young-hwan.
***
“Director…!” “It’s been a while, Chaemin. How have you been?”
“I’ve been… well. And you, Director? Have you been well?”
“I’ve been fine too. Although I haven’t been getting much sleep lately…” That was basically the fate of people in this industry.
When I smiled knowingly, Director Choi chuckled lightly as well. “Ah, I’m hungry. I’m going to eat now—how about you, Chaemin?” “I’m… okay. Would it be inconvenient for you if I didn’t?” “Oh, no. Not at all.”
We both stood up from our seats. I grabbed the water jug and some cups and returned to our table. Not long after, Director Choi brought over a bowl of galbitang, milky white rice, kimchi, and a few side dishes.
He sprinkled some extra pepper onto the galbitang, tasted it, and smiled with satisfaction. “Are you sure you really don’t want to eat?”
“No, really, I’m fine.” Director Choi nodded and muttered quietly to himself.
“Do you get really tense? Like all your desires disappear once the shoot is over?” It wasn’t every shoot, but it was a phenomenon that came after every one was finished.
Still, I didn’t bother correcting him. “Yeah, I guess so. I just end up sleeping a lot afterward.” “Oh dear. Even if it’s a hassle, make sure you eat well and sleep. If you get into a bad habit, it’ll be tough later.”
“…Yes.”
Director Choi chuckled softly and mixed the white rice into his galbitang.
He scooped up a big spoonful and ate it. I just stared blankly at him.
“You did well on the shoot, didn’t you? Your acting’s improved quite a bit.”
‘That’s because my job rank went up…’ I couldn’t say that, so I just smiled.
“Really? But I still have a lot to work on.”
Grade C. Even objectively, my acting was still lacking. Director Choi just smiled at my words. “To be honest, I came to watch some of the shoot early. You did much better than I remembered—I was really surprised.”
Instead of confirming or denying my statement, he added his own impression.
‘Surprised…’ Was the difference between D and C grade that significant? I was aware I’d improved a lot, but hearing it directly from someone else felt strange.
Director Choi seemed quite proud and pleased with how Chaemin had “grown.” “I was a little worried if you could do well, but it looks like that was a needless worry.”
“Oh, no. Actually… I’m still very much lacking…”
“Haha, as long as you did better than the last project, that’s what matters. It’s really hard to grow even that much.”
Growth.
To me, it was just the moment my acting limits were finally loosening, but Director Choi called it growth.
The gap stirred complex feelings in me.
“By the way, during the shoot, you seemed a little uncomfortable. Was it tough this time?” While I was lost in thought, he suddenly hit the mark.
“…Me?” What exactly did he mean by “uncomfortable”?
I asked back first, and Director Choi gave an awkward smile.
He looked a little apologetic. “Honestly, I heard everything from Director Lee.”
“Ah…” So that was why I looked uncomfortable to Director Choi. Just as I was thinking that, he continued. “You were really tense, weren’t you? Even though you got an apology, it’s hard for your mind to feel completely at ease.”
Tension.
That word finally slipped out of someone else’s mouth.
Of all people, the director from my previous project. ‘Did it show?’
Other people’s perceptions were surprisingly accurate sometimes.
They noticed things you desperately hoped no one would see. Director Choi seemed to think my tension was caused by Director Lee’s attitude. In a way, it was a reasonable conclusion. Did I need to explain? ‘I don’t want this to keep coming up.’
If he hadn’t apologized, maybe I could have stayed silent.
But with the apology made, I didn’t want any misunderstanding lingering that I had been suffering or uncomfortable because of him.
Even if I was fine now, who knew how rumors might spread later.
“It’s not because of anything with Director Lee. Really.”
The look I got back was full of doubt. I briefly regretted not just saying I hadn’t been tense or uncomfortable.
But that would have sounded like an excuse and only deepened Director Choi’s misunderstanding. ‘I’m just making up a plausible reason.’
So there was no need to hesitate. “…I just want to do well.”
“…….”
“That’s why I kept feeling tense. I think that’s why I looked uncomfortable too. Probably because I was filming alongside senior actors…”
Even though it was a pretty plausible excuse, saying it aloud didn’t feel good.
I smiled reflexively to suppress my emotions.
‘Just think of it as acting.’ The shoot was over, but my acting wasn’t.
Right now, I was playing Yoo Chaemin. ‘It’s unavoidable. It showed.’ It was better to admit it like this.
Pretending otherwise only made it harder to act as Yoo Chaemin.
‘Just turn it into Chaemin’s emotion.’ The nervousness born from wanting to do well wasn’t mine, not Myung Seungho’s—it belonged to the character I was playing, Yoo Chaemin.
I got so immersed in acting that I actually felt those emotions.
“…….”
It was a mess. But what did it matter? No one else knew, and there was no one I could explain or make understand. I had to carry these contradictions alone.
“Oh, I see.”
Fortunately, Director Choi seemed to understand my excuse.
“Well… of course you’d be nervous. I misunderstood you. Probably because I heard about what happened…”
Once the misunderstanding was cleared, the topic quickly changed. My next project, the manager who was nowhere to be seen here, the soon-to-air , and then… “Ah, Chaemin, I’m really looking forward to your next project.”
He praised both my acting in this work and the anticipation for my future.
Director Choi wasn’t just talking about today’s shoot. He conveyed the positive feedback he’d heard about my acting, albeit indirectly. I just smiled awkwardly and thanked him.
Time passed like that. “Yoo Chaemin? Yoo Chaemin, where are you?” An unfamiliar voice called for me. I raised my hand and stood as a man in uniform approached, holding two flower baskets.
“Here’s a delivery. Sorry for being a bit late due to some issues.” The delivery man got a signature and quickly left. I watched his retreating figure, then stared at the two flower baskets on the table. ‘Who sent these?’
And two of them at that. There wasn’t anyone around Yoo Chaemin who would send something like this… Each basket had a small card attached.
[Thank you for working hard on the shoot~ Let’s make a huge hit! – Lee Choi] [Brother, congrats on finishing filming safely haha. Great job! – Sangwoo]
“…….”
“Haha, so these are from Choi and Sangwoo? Looks like you all keep in touch.”
The bright flowers mixed with their messages blurred my vision.
I turned my head away, feeling like I wanted to avoid it, and there was Director Choi, gently smiling.
“…….”
It was overwhelming. All the feelings they were sending. I turned my eyes away from him too. This time, I was greeted by a clearly different atmosphere on set than at the start.
Just then, my gaze met actress Kim Eun-hye, who seemed to have just finished eating. As if she planned to come this way all along, she approached me and Director Choi without hesitation.
“My goodness, Director Choi! It’s been so long!” Senior Kim Eun-hye greeted Director Choi while standing beside me. Director Choi returned her greeting with a warm smile. “Oh dear, it really has been a long time~ How have you been?”
“I’ve been well, but what brings you here? Were you already acquainted with Chaemin?” Hearing “Chaemin actor” stuck in my ears for some reason.
“Oh, because this project stars our Chaemin.” “Really? So that’s why you came? You’re close with Director Lee, right?”
Their conversation soon shifted to catching up with each other. It didn’t feel like a moment to leave, so I remained silent to fade into the background.
Naturally, their talk led to questions about the current film shoot. “How was the shoot this time?” “It was fun.” Senior Kim Eun-hye answered without a hint of hesitation. Her answer was so refreshing it was almost unbelievable.
I involuntarily stared at her face, which was not much different than usual.
But there were things I could feel even without words. She had concerns and regrets left unresolved, naturally. But she succeeded in separating those from the joy of acting.
It was the face of someone who had mastered that. ‘I… haven’t.’ I hadn’t even tried. Why did Senior Kim Eun-hye’s figure suddenly catch my eye?
As Myung Seungho, I’d worked with many senior actors, but I hadn’t seen or heard these things back then. Why was I only seeing them now? ‘…I don’t want to know.’ I desperately turned my head away.
“Anyway, it was nice seeing you after so long. Next time, call me. It feels like it’s been ages since I did a drama.”
“Haha, got it. If I get a good project, I’ll contact you. You have to at least read the script once—that’s a promise, right?”
Their conversation was about to end. Once Senior Kim Eun-hye left, I figured it would be best to finish my talk with Director Choi too.
Lost in that daze, Senior Kim Eun-hye suddenly turned and looked at me. “Chaemin, let’s do a project together next time.”
Next. ‘Ah, Chaemin, I’m really looking forward to your next project.’
Director Choi’s words echoed in my mind.
“…Yes. I’ll work even harder then.”
I deliberately lowered my head as I answered.
Just as I raised my eyes again, the flower baskets from Lee Choi and Seo Sangwoo came back into view.
“…….”
I hurriedly turned my eyes away.
The second project I had acted in, possessed by Yoo Chaemin’s body, ended just like that.