When Si Xinyan saw her suffering from the cold poison, her first instinct had been to hold her tightly, using her own body heat to warm her up.
That meant—Si Xinyan had never once given up on saving her.
Which led to the conclusion that Si Xinyan had never even considered dying with her.
Because if Si Xinyan hadn’t seen her as someone already dead, and had been trying everything to bring her back, then how could she possibly have chosen to commit suicide at such a critical moment?
From that, one could infer a startling conclusion.
That Si Xinyan’s act of self-harm was, in its own way, also a way of saving her.
Otherwise, what would be the point of doing it?
Only if her self-harm served the same purpose as all her previous actions—saving her—could her behavior make logical sense.
The moment this possibility crossed her mind, Su Liumeng was utterly stunned.
How could something so absurd possibly be true?
Self-harm and saving someone—
Two concepts that had never been synonymous—could they really exist as equivalents in the real world?
And yet, no matter how she tried to think of other explanations, this remained the most probable one.
That “baby” Si Xinyan kept calling out—
Who exactly was it?
Could that person really save her life?
Or rather… had Si Xinyan been absolutely certain that person could save her, poisoned as she was?
A thousand unanswered questions surged in Su Liumeng’s mind.
Her brows were tightly furrowed, and a powerful sense of unease rose within her.
There was a truth she didn’t want to admit, no matter what.
When Si Xinyan called out “baby,” she was certain that person could hear her voice.
It was just that this time, something seemed to have gone wrong.
Her calls hadn’t received the response they should have.
That was why she had resorted to hurting herself—to force that person to appear and answer her.
Su Liumeng felt a sharp pang in her chest.
Now, whenever she closed her eyes, all she could see was the image of Si Xinyan throwing herself into her arms last night—a moment she had replayed countless times in her mind.
And yet, that image now felt painfully glaring.
She couldn’t quite accept it—that while the person she loved lay in her embrace, her thoughts had been filled with someone else. Someone who, in Si Xinyan’s mind, was more dependable than her. Someone who, whenever trouble arose, was the first person Si Xinyan would turn to for help.
Even though Si Xinyan had done it all to save her, Su Liumeng still felt a deep and bitter ache in her heart.
She reached out with warm fingertips and gently brushed the girl’s cheek.
The soft, tender texture beneath her touch only made the bitterness in her gaze deepen.
“Baby…”
“I really want to hear you say it yourself… that when you curled into my arms yesterday, you weren’t imagining I was someone else…”
Her thoughts spiraled out of control.
She kept thinking about how Si Xinyan had once raised her small hand and solemnly promised, in her delicate little voice, that she would never be the third wheel in a relationship, that there was no one else in her heart.
Su Liumeng let out a self-deprecating laugh.
Looking back on it all now, it felt almost absurd.
Who would have known just how long she had been overjoyed by that one sentence, alone in the dark of night?
Su Liumeng had wondered before.
The “baby” that Si Xinyan always whispered to—could it have been the child in her womb?
Back then, the old Su Liumeng—
Every time Si Xinyan smiled softly and explained things to her, she had foolishly chosen to believe her.
But now, she simply couldn’t believe anymore.
Even if the baby wasn’t born yet—even if it were some heaven-sent prodigy blessed by divine fortune—it still couldn’t possibly affect the outside world before being born.
Which meant… it had to be someone else.
And very likely, someone whose cultivation was even higher than hers.
Suddenly, sleep completely eluded Su Liumeng. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Her confused gaze slowly drifted to the scenery outside the window, her heart brimming with a suffocating hatred.
Hatred toward herself—for being so useless.
Why couldn’t she have been just a bit stronger?
Strong enough to become the only person Si Xinyan could rely on.
And yet… she understood.
She understood why Si Xinyan did what she did.
A pregnant single mother was bound to feel deeply insecure. Seeking the protection of someone stronger—well, that was something she could understand, too.
Understanding was one thing—but accepting it was another.
Su Liumeng’s behavior now was suddenly a little childish, like a breakdown slipping into an emotional outburst.
Out of nowhere, she pulled the girl beside her into her arms and hugged her tightly. Her voice was pained and broken as she asked in a whisper, “Has he ever held you like this?”
Probably not… right?
The doubts she had long pushed away now echoed in her heart once more.
If someone could lie to her once, they could easily lie to her again and again.
Even if the possibility was small, that didn’t mean it didn’t exist.
So… had that scumbag brother really always been around?
The “baby” Si Xinyan had whispered to in secret—could it have been that person?
The moment that thought crossed her mind, Su Liumeng felt her heart crack wide open.
She let out another self-mocking laugh, cursing herself for getting jealous over nothing, and even more for her childish, humiliating behavior.
Yeah… if they’d done everything else, how could they not have hugged?
Turns out, the clown was me all along.
Still drowning in her own pity, Su Liumeng suddenly locked eyes with a pair of sleepy, adorably dazed eyes.
The girl nestled closer into her chest and, in a soft, sleepy voice, murmured, “Su Liumeng, why are you squishing me…”
“Please, I’m super tired right now. If you’ve got something to say, can it wait till I wake up?”
Su Liumeng’s expression slowly froze.
She stared at the girl in front of her, watching her incredibly natural movements, and suddenly felt a strong sense of dissonance.
Si Xinyan.
Right—she had almost forgotten.
Si Xinyan had always been a natural-born actress.
How could she have forgotten all those past clashes and confrontations between them?
Si Xinyan’s sweet, syrupy voice from back then echoed once more in her ears.
With a personality like hers… how could she not be acting?
The highest level of acting is deceiving even yourself.
And Su Liumeng knew better than anyone else—Si Xinyan was perfectly capable of reaching that level.
Because she herself had fallen victim to it many times before.
With her blunt and straightforward personality, how could she possibly win out—after both of them tumbled down the stairs, and then faced their parents’ harsh questioning—against a pair of tear-filled eyes?
“Daddy… does Meimei not like me?”
Su Liumeng covered her face with her hand, her eyes hidden behind her palm full of complicated emotions.
Maybe it was because Si Xinyan hadn’t used that trick in a long time that she had almost forgotten everything that had happened in the past.
But no—that wasn’t right either.
It wasn’t necessarily that she hadn’t used it. It was much more likely that she had been using it all along.
Only now… her skills had leveled up again.
So much so that her manipulation now seeped in without a trace, like spring rain—so subtle, it no longer left behind any obvious flaws.
The highest level of a green tea* girl… is mastering the human heart.
So much so that even when someone realizes she’s up to something, they still can’t bring themselves to say a single harsh word.
Just like Su Liumeng right now.
Even though she felt miserable—deeply pained—she still couldn’t bring herself to wake the girl in her arms and confront her face-to-face.
“So… you’ve been acting in front of me this whole time, haven’t you?”
Su Liumeng’s gaze was scattered and unfocused as she stared at the girl who had once again fallen asleep.
A wry smile suddenly crept onto her lips.
Because the truth she had just uncovered filled her with despair.
And that was—
Even after realizing that the person she loved might’ve been acting all along, she still couldn’t bear to shatter the dream that had been so delicately woven.
Only someone who had yearned for love for a very, very long time could understand the mindset she had now.
Be it a dream or a lie.
She didn’t want to wake up anymore. Living like this forever… actually didn’t sound so bad.
She could try to forgive Si Xinyan. But as for anyone else who tried to seduce her?
Absolutely not.
Su Liumeng’s eyes suddenly turned cold and vicious.
Baby?
Heh.
Someone who doesn’t even have the guts to appear openly…Might as well disappear forever.
“I will find you.”
This time, she was going to search for the truth a different way.
After countless incidents in the past, it had been proven over and over again—Si Xinyan would never truly be honest with her. Even if she tried to be sincere, it would always end the same way as after their first meeting—acting cute, glossing over things, giving vague excuses to brush her off.
So, she had to change her strategy.
A terrifying chill spread from Su Liumeng’s eyes.
So what if her cultivation was higher?
Times had changed. These days, if you wanted to survive in this world, your background mattered more.
Su Liumeng took two deep breaths to suppress the murderous intent in her heart, then lay down and fell asleep with the soft girl still in her arms.
With Su Liumeng’s terrifying intellect, she had already deduced most of the situation. But there was just one crucial part…That she had deliberately dismissed—and that was what led her to the wrong conclusion afterward.
In the complex web of deductions she had just made, there was one truth she had actually gotten right:
Si Xinyan had indeed been acting out of habit all along.
Just like how someone who has been performing for too long can no longer tell where the act ends and the truth begins.
That was what had happened before.
But after opening up to Si Zhiruo, Si Xinyan had started trying to offer her true heart.
She had relied only on herself since childhood. Her personality had been shaped in an especially complicated environment.
A weak child will always look for someone—anyone—they can cling to for support.
However…Su Liumeng had gotten one thing wrong.
Ever since the two had met again, Si Xinyan’s performance had no longer been directed at her.
With Su Liumeng…She had, for once, shown real sincerity.
A person cold and indifferent by nature, and yet—she had rarely shown such true emotion.
The colder and more indifferent a person is—the more searing and pure their love becomes when they finally give their heart.
[*TL Note: “Green tea” (绿茶) is Chinese slang for someone who pretends to be innocent or sweet to manipulate others emotionally, usually in romantic contexts.]