Xu Ruobing subconsciously tightened the arm around Jiang Lai’s shoulder, pulling her tighter into her embrace, chin resting on her soft crown of the head. Her voice held a barely noticeable tremble, yet she still tried to make it gentle: “It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t think so much. Just think about what you like.”
She raised her hand and gently stroked Jiang Lai’s back. Her fingertips slid slowly along the texture of the fabric, as if soothing a frightened little animal.
“You feel guilt even for spending a little time, which makes you hesitate for a long time even to say you like red. Tell me, how could someone like you be ‘bad’? On the contrary, it’s me. I know you have other people in your heart, I know you’re worrying about the wedding, yet I still can’t help doing some small movements to you, teasing you. In my heart, I even think about spending more time with you, wanting you to consider yourself a little more, and even more wanting you to consider me. I even get jealous. So if we’re talking about ‘greed’, I’m the greedy one.”
“No way… You’re not as bad as you say. I’m the one who keeps wasting your time. Our relationship is something I don’t know how to handle. I can’t make a decision, so it’s just been left like this.”
Jiang Lai’s tears were still falling silently. The warm liquid seeped through her coat into Xu Ruobing’s shirt, pressed against her skin, burning her chest with panic.
Xu Ruobing tilted her head slightly and gently rubbed her cheek against Jiang Lai’s hair whorl. Her aura carried the light scent of her perfume, mixed with the soft touch of Jiang Lai’s hair strands, slowly soothing the bitterness in the air.
“Our relationship, I’ve said before, I don’t mind… I just want to do what I want to do. I want to be with you.”
It’s just that sometimes I’m very petty. Even though I say it so clearly, my attitude definitely isn’t that generous. Sometimes I also want to be intimate with you, but what I’m after isn’t just that. Sometimes my heart aches. When I see you feeling guilt because of my emotions, you get a girlish look.
Sometimes when I see you always thinking about other people’s feelings and ignoring your own, I feel bad. When I see you getting close to other people, I really am jealous, because I really care, and it hurts even more.
“But these are all my own emotions. I should digest them myself. They’re not a reason to hold you hostage.”
She paused, reached out and gently lifted Jiang Lai’s chin, making her raise her head. Her gaze fell tenderly on her reddened eye sockets, and her fingertip carefully wiped away the teardrop hanging on her eyelashes.
“Don’t think so much. I just want you to be happy. My presence isn’t meant to cause you any trouble.”
Xu Ruobing’s fingertip lightly traced the outer eye corner of Jiang Lai, the movement as gentle as touching a fragile treasure.
“Since before, I’ve wanted you to shine, to become dazzling, to be full of a charm that belongs only to you.
“That’s why I kept asking about your thoughts just now, what you like, because at the wedding you’re not just ‘Chi Yingyu’s partner’, you’re also ‘Jiang Lai’, and even more, you’re yourself.”
As Xu Ruobing recounted her thoughts little by little, it was as if she had completely forgotten what Chi Yingyu had asked of her, as if in the whole world she was the one who was best to Jiang Lai.
Jiang Lai’s lips moved, as if she wanted to say something, but Xu Ruobing gently pressed the corner of her mouth.
“Listen to me finish first, okay? I’m not asking you to change anything immediately, nor am I asking you to do anything for me.
“I just want you to know that with me, you don’t have to be so sensible. You don’t have to always think about others.
“You can lose your temper. You can say ‘I don’t like it’. You can put your own feelings first.”
Xu Ruobing’s voice slowly lowered, carrying a coaxing softness, like a feather gently landing on Jiang Lai’s heart.
“You say you feel like you owe me a lot, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. Next, I can also accompany you to choose a wedding venue and help you think about the details. If you want to tell me some heartbroken thoughts, I’ll also be very happy and blissful, because you’re willing to tell me these things, willing to let me take part in your life. To me, that is the best reward.”
She took Jiang Lai’s hand and gently placed it on her own chest. Jiang Lai thought nothing of it, just let her feel her steady heartbeat.
“Listen, this action is really ambiguous, but my heartbeat is very steady, because when I do these things, I do them willingly, without any reluctance. I don’t need you to repay me with anything. I only hope you can be well, be yourself, and truly be happy.”
Xu Ruobing’s gaze fell on their clasped hands. Jiang Lai’s fingers were slender, her fingertips slightly cool, yet she held her hand tightly.
She gently shook their clasped hands and looked up at Jiang Lai, her eyes full of gentleness.
“This kind of thing only needs the two of us to be happy. Between you and me, you don’t need to think so much at all. As long as you’re happy, it’s fine. When you’re happy, I’m happy too.”
Xu Ruobing gently pulled Jiang Lai into her embrace, chin resting on her crown of the head, her voice carrying a bit of firmness.
“So, don’t feel selfish anymore, don’t feel bad anymore. Between us, there don’t need to be so many complicated definitions. As long as I like you, that’s enough.”
Xu Ruobing held Jiang Lai tightly in her embrace, chin resting on her soft crown of the head, her fingertips patting her back gently again and again, like soothing a child who had suffered a grievance.
The air in the office still held a faint bitterness. Although Jiang Lai’s crying gradually stopped, her shoulders were still trembling slightly. That lingering grievance was like a fine mist drifting between them, making the atmosphere still heavy.
Xu Ruobing could clearly feel the fragility of the person in her arms. She slowed her breathing, keeping her own breath as steady as possible, passing a bit of calming strength to Jiang Lai through the fabric.
“All right, stop crying, okay?”
Her voice was warm and soft like melted honey, landing gently by Jiang Lai’s ear. She could feel Jiang Lai’s body slowly relax, no longer as tense as before, so she gently pushed her away a little and looked down at her.
Jiang Lai’s eye sockets were still red, the outer eye corners stained with a bit of undried wetness. Her long eyelashes were wetly stuck together, like a butterfly soaked by rain, making Xu Ruobing’s heart both soft and aching.
She raised her hand and carefully wiped away the remaining tear stains on Jiang Lai’s cheek with her fingertip, her movement so gentle as if she were afraid of breaking the person before her.
“Don’t feel bad anymore. Today we won’t think about this, and we won’t think about work either. Later, let’s go out for a walk and look at wedding dresses, okay?”
Compared with other difficult decisions, no matter how much you think about it and find no way, deciding in the end only adds trouble. But with something like a wedding dress, even if you don’t decide in the end, just the process of trying it on is very wonderful.