Chi Qingya sent the message to Bai Huizi.
If it weren’t for Su Li, Chi Qingya would never want to contact Bai Huizi in this lifetime.
Every time she thought of that condescending look Bai Huizi gave her, an uncomfortable feeling rose inside her.
She hated that look.
Whenever she was stared at like that, it reminded her of her first days in the Big City.
What she feared most, what she hated the most, was that up-and-down gaze, judging her from head to toe.
She would never forget the day she transferred to a university in the city—her desk mate pinched her nose and dragged the chair half a meter away into the aisle.
The people nearby looked at her as if she were something to avoid.
Even though she worked hard to imitate the city folk, learning to dress and groom herself like them, Chi Qingya could still feel that she didn’t belong.
Her new backpack still smelled of diesel from the long-distance bus, dirt lingered under her fingernails from digging sweet potatoes at home, and scattered snickers floated around her, pricking the back of her neck like needles.
From that day on, she squatted by the dorm sink every day, scrubbing her clothes until her hands turned pale from the soap bubbles, never minding the pain.
She had always worked harder than anyone else, ever since she was little.
Vocabulary sheets stuffed inside textbooks, gripping a highlighter in the cafeteria line as she marked the key points.
The night before the College Entrance Examination, she ran a fever of thirty-nine degrees.
After an IV drip, she returned to the exam hall and the essay she wrote still tasted of antipyretic bitterness.
When the Admission Notice arrived, she even burned her Old School Uniform she’d saved for three years.
She thought she could finally be reborn.
As the flames curled up the synthetic fabric and blue smoke rose, she felt as if she, too, was shedding a layer of skin in that fire.
She thought she could finally be like an ordinary person in the Big City.
On the day of university registration, she even wore peach-scented perfume on purpose.
But she could still feel the way others looked at her, like she was an Outsider.
She hated that look; it always reminded her of her failed past.
She had studied so hard, all to leave that Village where she was born and raised.
All to get rid of the earthy smell on her body.
She wasn’t any different from the other students in her class!
Yet when her roommate pinched the bag she’d bought from Taobao and asked if it was a Limited Edition Bag, her back broke out in cold sweat.
She didn’t even know what a Limited Edition Bag was, so she made a special effort to learn about it online, cramming the information.
But even when she bought the Limited Edition Bag they talked about, she still didn’t fit in.
They said she was vain, said she was fake.
That she’d bought a Counterfeit just to show off.
But when she produced her Genuine Certificate, she still couldn’t blend in with her roommates.
They called her an Outsider, saying she’d never understand these things.
Maybe even the certificate for her bag was a picture she’d found online, just to trick them.
Chi Qingya realized that no matter how hard she studied, she just couldn’t fit in with them.
She even got stuck with the label of vanity.
She didn’t know what to do.
She didn’t know what to do next.
Thinking of how, after High School Graduation, she had hoped to become good friends with her university classmates, she felt a wave of sorrow.
Especially when she remembered how she had been so focused on getting rid of her earthy smell at school, studying all the time, that she hadn’t made any friends—it made her feel even worse.
She couldn’t figure out what all her hard work was for.
What was the point of it all?
Chi Qingya could tell—Bai Huizi was a city native through and through.
If people like her, from the countryside, were at the bottom of the food chain, then people like Bai Huizi were at the very top—the predators.
When Bai Huizi looked at her, she couldn’t even raise her head.
She couldn’t even muster the courage to say anything when Su Li turned to Bai Huizi.
She didn’t dare challenge Bai Huizi.
She knew that if she ever went up against Bai Huizi, the one who would lose would always be her.
But now, for Su Li’s sake, she still wanted to try.
What if?
What if Bai Huizi had already abandoned Su Li? Maybe she could bring Su Li back to her side.
She felt she and Su Li were the same.
Neither of them belonged in the Big City.
Both of them were out of place.
Out of place in this Big City.
That was why they relied on each other.
Only, she had lost herself in the material temptations of the Big City.
Now that she had realized her mistake, Su Li would surely understand what she meant.
They were the same kind of people.
Chi Qingya stared nervously at her phone.
But neither Su Li’s friend request nor Bai Huizi’s reply arrived.
In her mind, she couldn’t help but imagine Su Li leaning against Bai Huizi, Bai Huizi placing her phone on the table, discussing her with Su Li.
She didn’t know why such a thought popped into her head.
But she was scared—scared that this might actually be the case.
While she was lost in her own thoughts, her phone buzzed gently.
[?]
Bai Huizi’s message was simple, but Chi Qingya still let out a breath of relief.
At least Bai Huizi had replied, even if it was just a single question mark.
But it gave her hope.
At least, compared to Su Li who still hadn’t accepted her friend request, being able to contact Bai Huizi was something.
If the other party knew Su Li’s whereabouts, maybe things between her and Su Li could be eased.
Even so, Chi Qingya still felt nervous and uneasy.
Staring at her phone screen, she revised her request over and over, but still couldn’t think of the right words to ask for help.
Chi Qingya worried that Bai Huizi would reject her.
That she and Su Li would be cut off again.
[Landlady Sister with Strong Desire for Control, do you know where Su Li is?]
[She hasn’t come home in a long time.]
Chi Qingya stared at the message she had sent, anxiously waiting for Bai Huizi’s reply.
She didn’t know what the relationship between Bai Huizi and Su Li had become.
But it should be fine to reveal a little for now.
She could just decide what to do after seeing Bai Huizi’s response.
Chi Qingya placed her phone face down on the greasy cafeteria table, the rim of her stainless steel tray glistening with a half-moon of red oil.
Every thirty seconds, she would lift her phone to check, the numbers flashing on the lock screen tightening around her like a rope.
The overhead fluorescent lights buzzed, making the white chat background sting her eyes.
She even moved her phone to the corner of the table closest to the outlet, as if the messages could crawl along the wires and come to her.
As for the boiled fish on the table, she had long lost interest in it.
Just as she was debating whether or not to give up, her phone vibrated again.
[What does that have to do with me]